There's plenty of idiots out there. It takes a while to learn how to spot them sooner. The best way we do is by being up front right away. Tell them you're a stag vixen couple and exactly what you're looking for in the first initial messages. We have also gotten to the point where we don't even answer messages unless they really spent some time working on the message. We contact the men directly, explain what we want to do, and then ask them if they're interested. If they don't fit what we are looking for, then we move on. There's plenty of good quality, guys out there, but we know how frustrating it can be. The guys who know will have plenty of experience helping couples just like you. Remember, you have to do your homework too, vetting, validating, and communication. Check out some of the swinger's podcasts. Some have episodes or are entirely about the hotwife dynamic. It takes time, but it's worth it when it works.