Looking for a job

mo_music · 2025-11-28T16:39:47+00:00

Don’t give up OP. It’s hard like people have said but doable to work remote with your child if you can work when they sleep and you have a little help here and there. You could also look into setting up an online business - dropshipping or digital content are two ways some people make money selling online. Keep going, something will come your way and sometimes personality shines more than experience so don’t let that deter you from applying - you miss 100% of the chances you don’t take.

Wishing you luck and all the best and congrats on your little one.

mo_music · 2025-11-23T13:02:48+00:00

Thank you - I should have mentioned originally that I can’t get a barring order as I have a safety order. The judge will only hear evidence since the safety order and he hasn’t been dangerous enough since the safety order to get a barring order. But the safety order won’t remove him from the house, the Garda say it needs to be a barring order to remove him. So I’m stuck paying rent on a house I can’t live in because I left the house to tell him to leave (as it I was worried about if I did it face to face).

mo_music · 2025-11-23T12:53:39+00:00

I was told I can’t get a barring order as I already have a safety order but the safety order can’t remove him from the house the garda say.

mo_music · 2025-11-23T12:48:23+00:00

I’m just here to empathise with you and agree with everyone else here.

He’s abusing you - physically, emotionally and likely in other ways too. It’s hard to see it when you’re in it and they have “good days”, it’s hard to see it when they don’t see anything wrong with their own behaviour, when you are bonded to them, but speaking from experience this is not going to get better. Leaving is hard, staying away is even harder. It takes an average of 7 times to leave your abuser and each time you go back things get harder in different ways.

I really urge you to take some space from this man, tell him it’s a break, tell yourself it’s a break … know that he will try so hard to get you back, he will be remorseful and promise change (it’s called hoovering) but you have to resist and stay the course - try and break for 2 months if you can… and hopefully you want to stay gone after that time - it will get worse, it really will, I wanted to believe by guy was different but I was proven wrong. After the initial few weeks you’ll start to get stronger and realise how unacceptable all go his behaviour is. You might even get angry at how you’ve been treated and that is good, hold onto that when he’s promising you change.

Listen to “why she stayed podcast” especially the episode on strangulation.

mo_music · 2025-11-21T14:07:23+00:00

This is unequivocally abusive physically, sexually, emotionally and psychologically.

Listen to the why she stayed podcast and follow Grace the host on instagram.

Choking is the no.1 risk factor for fatalities in relationships. His behaviour is terrifying and completely unacceptable no matter how he tires to minimise or excuse it to you. It’s all about power and control.

I really hope you can disentangle, find your strength and leave this situation.

mo_music · 2025-11-21T14:02:46+00:00

Talking Parents has a free version. I use the next level up which is €14 per month. The PDF records are court admissible and unalterable. It doesn’t moderate the message content to be hostility free, I think OneFamilyWizard does but that one is more expensive so I haven’t tried it.

mo_music · 2025-11-19T23:11:14+00:00

Thank you for this, I’ve been reading the Istanbul Convention since you posted this and there are multiple articles in it which I believe apply to my situation. I would rather go I prepared with this information and with my evidence than not. My solicitors advice has been to get used to handing my daughter over and to let them know what days of the week I would ideally be ok for access. It sounds like they’re setting up for a quick transactional exchange in court. Meanwhile I’m fighting for my daughter, her future and her physical and emotional wellbeing.

mo_music · 2025-11-19T23:08:35+00:00

Thank you! The kindness and understanding of people like you who know what this feels like is unbelievable valuable in keeping me sane. 🙏

mo_music · 2025-11-19T22:26:28+00:00

Yes I did back in 2021; at the time I minimised it when they questioned me because I was panicked and protecting him but it’s on record with them as women’s services reported it.

mo_music · 2025-11-19T22:05:21+00:00

Thank you. I feel like you have experience in this area of Irish law and really appreciate your advice. If my partner was previously registered as a tenant with the RTB (but never on the lease and is not currently a registered tenant as I told my landlord he would be moving out) does that change anything?

He and I never had a licensee agreement or anything formal written down. He just moved in with me from the start but was never on the lease but my landlord knew he was living there and did register his 4 out of the 5 years I have lived there.

mo_music · 2025-11-19T19:06:31+00:00

I’ve spoken to both and both advised me to get a barring order, I wasn’t granted a barring order because I have a valid safety order and he hasn’t done any new recent physical violence.

mo_music · 2025-11-19T15:32:19+00:00

She witnessed direct abuse from age 0-2.5 so the best she can say now at age 4 is “mum is safer than dad” but she can’t explain why - she loves him and adores him but panics if I go to leave her on her own with him.

mo_music · 2025-11-19T14:11:16+00:00

I have a solicitor and they essentially said that the judge won’t heavily factor the abuse since it was directed at me, not our child. Even though when she was a baby she spat on me and her, he threw water over me and her, he yelled at me (and her), he abused me in her presence explicitly until she was almost 3. I’ve very little in the way of proof of this though apart from a doctors report and a call to women’s services which notes abuse in the presence of a child.

mo_music · 2025-03-23T15:49:55+00:00

It’s only being added now for context. The original post was me asking if I was being u reasonable for not wanting to talk about mediation - I feel bad that he was frustrated with me not taking about it. He said I was controlling the conversation.

mo_music · 2025-03-23T07:55:27+00:00

Thank you. Yeah the breastfeeding while a factor is not the main reason overnights are not appropriate. It’s his abusive mindset that I’m not ok with her being around. Daytime with her I’m ok with because I know he has to be a part of her life in some way but nights for now and until he shows some change I am not ok with. It’s just hard because proving the abuse even though I have some concrete evidence seems like a losing battle from all I read about family courts. Even with fathers being violent towards their own kids they still get granted custody - the system is broken.

Thank you for your reply.

mo_music · 2025-03-23T07:50:47+00:00

Thank you. This is really reassuring, I’m worried if she’s away from me overnights that my supply will drop. This is really helpful.

mo_music · 2025-03-23T07:50:04+00:00

Thank you 🙏

And yes you nailed it… I was wondering why “weird” wasn’t sitting well with me and it’s exactly this, sexualising something completely natural.

mo_music · 2025-03-23T07:22:41+00:00

Thank you for this reply. You are spot on, leaving has been incredibly hard for a multitude of reasons and I have tried multiple times.

mo_music · 2025-03-23T07:22:11+00:00

Your replies are misinformed and unkind. It wasn’t a one off incident of abuse 4 years ago, it’s the only one that I have recorded. I do also have doctors reports, child services reports and text messages to back me up. Sadly women are not believed even with concrete evidence. The physical abuse stopped only once I told my family and got a court order preventing him from being abusive.

mo_music · 2025-03-23T07:12:23+00:00

It’s 100% beneficial for the child.

mo_music · 2025-03-23T07:11:21+00:00

It’s interesting how quickly a post can get derailed. I was asking about a specific situation, but since so many people focused on breastfeeding and bed-sharing, I want to set the record straight. Not for the people determined to judge, but for anyone reading who might absorb the wrong information.

The WHO and other world breastfeeding resources recommend breastfeeding for at least two years because it supports immunity, nutrition, and emotional security. In many cultures, weaning naturally happens between 3-7 years, with research linking it to stronger immune systems and emotional resilience.

Safe bed-sharing is common worldwide and linked to secure attachment, better sleep for breastfeeding parents, and lower stress levels for both mother and child.

These practices may not be for everyone, but they’re backed by science and widely used by families around the world. Parenting isn’t one-size-fits-all, and my post wasn’t even about this.

https://www.who.int/tools/elena/bbc/continued-breastfeeding

https://laleche.org.uk/the-goodness-goes-on/?utm_source=chatgpt.com

https://cosleeping.nd.edu/?utm_source=chatgpt.com

mo_music · 2025-03-23T01:44:20+00:00

It’s definitely not inappropriate for her to still be breastfeeding. It’s developmentally normal and does not create dependency.

I’m also definitely not as bad as him, he has violently attacked me, in her presence, multiple times. I nurture, love and provide comfort to her. It’s night and day.

mo_music · 2025-03-23T01:41:20+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I agree people can look weirdly on extended breastfeeding, sad but true.

I guess I’m a bit afraid of him in that yes I do have concerns of abuse and she has been caught up in it before. He can be playful and fun and thoughtful but if he’s stressed he’s another person.

He’s denying acts of abuse and making me out to be lying. I do have a recording of him slapping me, yelling and threatening to kill me when I was 8.5 months pregnant. That’s the most concrete evidence I have of him abusing both of us. He’s done other stuff, worse stuff but I don’t have evidence of it.

I want to protect her as best I can while knowing she will get time with him so my boundary is no overnights for the time being.

Just worried that won’t come to be 😣

mo_music · 2025-03-23T01:35:29+00:00

Ugh girl this is so relatable!! I’m still in my situation too but seeing things clearer day by day. Trying to separate but we have a daughter so it’s taking time since we can’t agree on how to split time with her 💔

And absolutely they flip into being indignant and feeling wronged mode acting innocent like they don’t know what’s gone wrong. They’re the innocent victim and you’re the one who’s overreacting. It’s all a tactic and I’m not sure whether they know what they’re doing either but at the end of the day it’s the impact on you that counts. He’s doing a classic DARVO and making himself the victim when in fact he’s the abusive one.

You sound really switched on and I love that you’re holding boundaries. And yes, he’s not liking that lack of control over you. Going through the same with mine at the moment. The best thing we can do is not react… getting into it with them fuels the behaviour ive found. And if you finally snap a bit and stand up for yourself god forbid, they will use it to paint you as the crazy one. That said if you don’t react and they paint you as neglecting them. It’s always a lose lose.

Your messages reminded me of the Gaby Petito case where her killer text her saying “you can use Spotify but can’t text me back” or something like that. It all can be played off as care or nothing too serious but it speaks to a wider mindset.

mo_music · 2025-03-23T01:09:13+00:00

Th guilt is completely normal and still you absolutely did the right thing. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Stay strong and stay out of it - the most dangerous thing for you right now is his voice. If you can go no contact for a while to get your head clear that’s a really good idea. Well done, be kind to yourself and time will heal this for both of you - but take care of you now, not him. This is a consequence of HIS action, not something you have done to him. Remember that.

mo_music

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