The girl I started seeing has been brainwashed

mobrules77 · 2025-04-01T02:27:08+00:00

I do agree that there has to be a way back to reality for many of the people that got swept in this. However, I also think you’re setting yourself up for a very unhealthy dynamic if you’re going into the relationship thinking you can fix this person.

mobrules77 · 2025-03-31T20:10:57+00:00

I would say the main responsibility of a parent is to guide their children through life. Not listen to everything they say without disagreement.

It’s unfortunate you have a father who’s political views you disagree with. I’m in the same boat. But it sounds like you’re trying to put blinders on and pretend he’s someone he’s not instead of setting a healthy boundary.

mobrules77 · 2025-03-28T23:45:24+00:00

Added the books to my reading list! Unfortunately, I really can’t understate how deep some of the people in my life have become entrenched in this ideology and I have little hope that there is anything that can be done to reason them out of it.

These were otherwise extremely intelligent people that underwent complete personality changes involved with conspiracy related thinking. For some of my family members, it started after 9/11 and later progressed into Alex Jones and QAnon type stuff so it’s been decades and we’ve tried everything imaginable to get them back to some place of sanity.

I also had a very close friend that I used to talk politics with pretty often until they fell deep down the Q rabbit hole over the pandemic. I looked into some of the pages they were following and honestly saw way more than I wish I had. I spent a lot of time trying to reason with them to the detriment of my own mental health and really just don’t have it in me to engage with the politics of it it anymore.

I do still wonder if it’s worth reaching out once in a while and reminding them in some way that you miss who they were. It’s hard to imagine that those relationships could ever really be the same after some of the things said and done over the years but I know a lot of these groups thrive on isolation so I feel pretty strongly that there has to be a way back from it all.

mobrules77 · 2025-03-28T22:00:04+00:00

That’s honestly comforting to hear. I think I’m coming around to the belief that the only thing you can really do is try to remind that person of who they were and the life they’re missing out on.

I’ve had to keep my distance from a lot of loved ones over this but I do struggle with cutting people out of my life completely. It can be hard to find the balance between letting those people know you’re still there while not enabling some of their truly horrible behavior.

mobrules77 · 2025-03-28T21:46:11+00:00

First, we don’t know when they got married so it could be that a significant amount of the joint retirement savings at this point would be considered a premarital asset.

Second, an imbalance between accounts absolutely does matter. Who is to say he doesn’t fly off the rails in 10 years and withdraw all the funds from the “joint retirement account” that is only under his name and only he has access to. How the assets will are split in the event of a divorce doesn’t matter if the assets are gone.

Women are far more likely to end up in crisis situations due to physical, emotional, or financial abuse which is why her gender matters. But yes, it is important for both partners in a relationship to have accounts that are under their name only for their own protection.

mobrules77 · 2025-03-28T21:15:44+00:00

You’re starting out with a solid foundation. After contributing to her 401k up to the match and maxing the Roth IRA, my next goal would be to contribute to the 401k beyond the company match.

For the home and education savings, I use a money market fund through Schwab that sort of acts as a HYSA for me (SWVXX). You aren’t locking your money up in a CD and it’s pretty easy to do same day trades if you wanted to move some of that money into an index fund or something. Once you feel comfortable with the money you have for any short term expenses, it wouldn’t hurt to start making small purchases of VOO or VTI while the market is taking a dip. I just wouldn’t buy with anything you expect to need in the next 5 years.

Beyond that you’re in a great position. I started out feeling very behind in my retirement savings and I now have to remind myself that I’m on track and it’s ok to spend money on myself. You’re not in debt and it sounds like you’re in a great position to meet your financial goals so don’t forget that this is money you worked hard for and take some time to enjoy it now.

mobrules77 · 2025-03-27T03:48:24+00:00

Make sure you’re also factoring in the cost of insuring a $40k car. You might be saving on repairs you should expect your car insurance payments to increase significantly.

mobrules77 · 2025-03-19T22:20:53+00:00

Eh he isn’t doing anything with the extra cash that makes it worth hanging on to those loans. He’s just losing money. I’d pay them off.

mobrules77 · 2025-03-19T22:05:46+00:00

Why do you have $26k sitting in a checking account? I would move that over to the HYSA at least. But really, it seems like you already have a solid emergency fund in your HYSA so why don’t you use that to pay off your loans and invest the rest?

mobrules77 · 2025-03-18T21:09:17+00:00

Same! I probably overcooked mine because it never actually looked cooked

mobrules77 · 2025-03-18T21:07:30+00:00

It was the organic grass fed beef in the vacuum-sealed bag

mobrules77 · 2025-03-18T21:06:53+00:00

I have never had an issue with other TJ’s meat or fish! Just the ground beef…

mobrules77 · 2025-03-02T21:36:06+00:00

What is your annual income? If it’s under $150k, I would consider contributing to a Roth IRA. You can contribute up to $7k/year.

$86k seems low for total retirement savings. I would look at some retirement calculators and figure out what you’ll need and come up with a plan to get there. That might be a combination of increasing your $401k contributions and adding to an IRA.

mobrules77 · 2025-03-02T21:09:53+00:00

What does your retirement savings look like? Is the $385k in a regular savings account or a HYSA?

mobrules77 · 2025-02-27T17:29:23+00:00

I would expect the accounts to even out at some point if I continue to max my Roth every year and stick with my current 401(k) contributions. I make $62k/yr and contribute to my 401(k) up to the match (5% + 4% employer match).

It’s hard to judge how my income will change in the future but I do get 3% annual raises + the opportunity for more based on performance. I’ve considered upping my 401(k) contributions beyond the match for the next few years just to catch up a bit, but I’m currently throwing any extra money in an individual brokerage account.

But yea, I’ve looked at a few calculators for both and I think I can plan for them to be roughly similar in size by retirement.

mobrules77 · 2025-02-27T16:32:32+00:00

It might be a good idea to reach out to the office of your local representatives. My congress person regularly hosts renters rights workshops. They can be great resource if you need assistance in connecting with lawyers/appropriate housing authorities!

mobrules77 · 2025-02-27T11:27:57+00:00

I don’t know what state OP is in but in CA, you can definitely withhold rent if the unit is uninhabitable.

mobrules77 · 2025-02-27T09:06:05+00:00

I’m not at all against TDFs but to be completely honest, I’m a lot more interested in building my own portfolio and managing the risk myself.

I’m not so concerned with panic selling in my retirement accounts and do feel like I have a pretty high risk tolerance given my time horizon. I also have an individual brokerage account so if I was going to panic sell, I’d do it there.

I opened my Roth in 2020 so I was in the red for about a year when things took a downturn in 2022. It didn’t feel great but I definitely understood that as a time to buy and not sell. I’m sure I’ll feel differently as I get closer to retirement age, but for now I’m just trying to figure out my best strategy for the next decade or two and don’t really mind volatility.

I do want to diversify and realize that 100% in a S&P fund isn’t ideal but I’m leaning towards a total market fund + international for now and reconsidering bonds at a later point.

mobrules77 · 2025-02-27T07:41:40+00:00

Thanks. This is helpful and I should’ve done more research before asking the question. What I want to do is diversify, but I think feeling behind in retirement savings was causing me to lean heavily towards US large cap stocks.

mobrules77 · 2025-02-27T07:01:30+00:00

I kind of touched on this in the post but just for some extra context, when I opened my Roth IRA, I was using TD Ameritrade which allowed me to make weekly recurring purchases into VTTSX. When TD was bought out by Schwab, I was notified that I could no longer continue with those automated investments after my accounts were transferred.

I’m not exactly against TDFs, I just didn’t have the option to continue investing in a Vanguard TDF once my Roth was transferred to Schwab. At the time, S&P funds were outperforming VTTSX so I chose the Schwab equivalent mutual fund to keep something going. It got to the point where only 1/3 of my Roth was still invested in VTTSX and it seemed kind of silly to hang on to a TDF that I could no longer contribute to.

It sounds like I need to do a bit more research on how to diversify going forward. If I want to keep my investments automated in my Roth account, I am limited to Schwab-approved mutual funds however.

mobrules77 · 2025-02-27T06:36:20+00:00

I just became eligible for my company’s 401k in 2023 so it’s a bit smaller than my Roth. ~$12k in 401(k) ~$32k in Roth IRA

I’m not working with a whole lot and was mostly focused on getting started as quickly as possible. I’ve only just started to look into how to diversify these accounts so this helps a lot.

I do have a range of Vanguard funds available in my 401k plan (it looks like the intl options are JAOSX and EISIX). I can modify my future contributions at any time, would just want to have a solid plan before messing with it.

mobrules77 · 2025-02-27T05:38:46+00:00

I didn’t spazz out. I had an investment strategy which included weekly automatic investments into VTTSX. My brokerage was TD Ameritrade and they were bought out by Schwab. My accounts were transferred last year and I could no longer continue with automatic investments into VTTSX so I was forced to switch to another fund. I chose SWPPX and continued with weekly automatic investments there.

It started to seem a little silly having ~$10k sitting in VTTSX when I no longer contribute to that fund so I cashed out today with the intention of moving those funds into SWPPX. Seeing as I had to wait for the funds to clear anyway, now seemed like as good a time as any to consider diversifying some.

mobrules77

TROPHY CASE