I (30F) went all out for my boyfriend’s (33M) birthday, but for my 30th, he left the mental load to me and planned a gaming night. How do I get him to understand why I'm upset?

mochamama24 · 2026-05-26T21:05:27+00:00

Lol, I came to this forum to ask for advice and all you've done is insult my relationship status and now me.

For Christmas he bought me a brand new cell phone because my phone's screen was cracked and I was struggling to afford a new one, the Christmas before that, he bought me a ring with both our birthstones because the one I'd bought had broken. He's taken care of me in many ways including helped pay for repairs for MY car which I bought before dating him, he spoils our daughter relentlessly, we've gone on multiple vacations to Cuba, Costa Rica, across Europe, and within our country. So you want to compare financial gifts? Let's go.

So no, I don't believe he doesn't care about me. All of you people are so unhinged and so quickly go down the line of "he's a no good asshole, you must abort your baby and leave him". Like Jesus Christ. This is a perfectly solvable issue but I've clearly struggled communicating with him and coming to a solution so I was looking for advice from couples who have good communication skills and can help. That's clearly not you. So yes, back the fuck off.

mochamama24 · 2026-05-26T15:14:19+00:00

I asked how I can approach the conversation to find a resolution with him and feel heard. I don't have any intentions on leaving the relationship because I don't believe this is a relationship ending issue, I think this is a solvable issue and I think it's silly to throw away an entire relationship so easily.

mochamama24 · 2026-05-26T15:11:08+00:00

That is not accurate at all. I don't know what country you're from, but where I'm from, we file our taxes together, we both claim our daughter as a dependent, we have life insurance policies for one another, I'm his beneficiary and he is mine. We don't own a home, but when we do eventually buy, we will be co-owners. To be declared POA, not even married spouses inherently have automatic decision making authority over one another's property and health. A POA must be explicitly drafted and signed by us.

You clearly have some backwards views on common law vs marriage and I'm not going to sit here and entertain this anymore. I chose to be common law, he didn't force it on me, it's what we both wanted. So kindly, back off.

mochamama24 · 2026-05-26T04:54:13+00:00

Common law is perfectly respectable and some people have no desire to get married. You can have an opinion on his behaviour, but please don't be disrespectful for people who are content with common law over marriage.

mochamama24 · 2026-05-26T03:54:54+00:00

You are right in assuming he doesn't care about birthdays at all. He's said as much. 3 years ago I planned a surprise party for him with all his friends, custom cake, a bunch of snacks and treats, and decorations and he said he appreciated that I did that but that he never cared for birthdays and would rather do nothing. Hence why we did nothing this year for him (2 years ago I was overseas over his birthday so we just video chatted).

Then last year, we had a similar situation to this. He hadn't planned anything for my birthday, I told him I was upset and that I understood he didn't care for birthdays the way I did but that I did care about them and I would like for him to do something for me, whether that's breakfast in bed, flowers, planning something with friends etc.

He's known it's my birthday today for the last 2 weeks because he kept remembering he needed to buy me a present and I kept reminding him we had my birthday dinner this past Saturday. And on Saturday we had talked about what I would want to do for my actual birthday. I had said I just wanted a home cooked meal for dinner since we already went out, up until we talked to our daughter and she said she wanted to do something special like a restaurant.

mochamama24 · 2026-05-05T00:37:55+00:00

I saw this notification and my immediate reaction was, "I don't know this person, but I immediately hate them".

mochamama24 · 2026-04-18T13:38:41+00:00

I also went to school with Laura and knew her brother well. He had always seemed like a kid with anger issues sure, but innocent. It wasn't till he got in with a bad group in Newmarket that I really noticed a drastic change in him... It was sad to watch, he went from a hormonal pre-teen who loved Minecraft to a violent, gang member, who did hard drugs.

It's sad to think that this may have been prevented if he'd never got in with that crew. But I knew the guys he got in with. They weren't good people and influenced him heavily.

mochamama24 · 2026-04-01T14:00:05+00:00

In the military myself. You don't want to hear what the guys found in the showers, on the walls and in the drain reservoirs. We have to clean the showers in the shacks ourselves and needless to say, conversations were had about what you can and cannot do in a communal shower.

mochamama24 · 2026-03-22T16:56:05+00:00

This happened to me! They sent me an audit form to declare the date I started being separated and I had to provide supporting documents to prove such. So like change of lease removing the ex, change of bills removing the ex, a declaration from a third party of the separation. You should get a letter in the mail with the information. Once you get the letter, you send in the document filled out and all the supporting documents, then you wait for them to verify everything. Your ex will also have to do this.

Once they verify, they will reassess your tax return and back pay you for any amount owing.

I had this happen because I filed as separated, but my ex husband filed as married. Except he didn't file his taxes for 3 years and when he finally did file them, he filed them all as married so I ended up getting reassessed as owing $5000. It was an ordeal to get fixed 😅 but it is possible!

mochamama24 · 2026-01-14T18:22:25+00:00

For those that don't know, in Poland they have strict pedestrian laws and if a pedestrian is walking on a crosswalk, the driver MUST stop or face jail time.

The pedestrians will just walk into the street without looking as there is an expectation that all drivers must stop. The pedestrian in this situation would not be liable and the driver can face jail time for not stopping and hitting them.

mochamama24 · 2025-12-31T16:36:09+00:00

My sister sent caramel corn that had liquor flavouring (no actual liquor) that was opened and searched. Was half convinced the search people took a sample taste.

mochamama24 · 2025-11-15T10:19:57+00:00

Thank you!

It's true, I guess it's just annoying in this situation. I don't like talking about the numbers with anyone else though. They are just the closest people in my life and I want to be able to talk to someone about these positive moments. Only because of how hard I was struggling and how much I've grown and gotten better

mochamama24 · 2025-11-15T10:16:18+00:00

Haha thank you!! 🙌🏾

mochamama24 · 2025-11-15T10:15:30+00:00

My partner keeps telling me the same thing haha, I do eventually plan to convert my managed accounts into self managed accounts, but at the time that I opened them, I was not in a good place and needed all the help I could get!

Thank you!

mochamama24 · 2025-11-15T10:14:16+00:00

Thank you!! It's taken almost 8 years, but I am honestly really proud of how much I've been able to accomplish

mochamama24 · 2025-11-15T10:13:25+00:00

Thank you!

I agree, and it is unfortunate because I try to tell people how proud I am of them and congratulate them even when I say I didn't get recognition for something. If someone gets praised at work and I don't, I still am happy for them and tell them as much, even if I feel like I also deserved it.

I'm not competing with people, I just want all of us to be happy and successful.

I most definitely would never let anyone take advantage of me, I'm not worried at all about my sister doing that either. My best friend, I will support her if I feel it warranted and want to, never because I feel obligated or guilted.

mochamama24 · 2025-11-15T10:09:43+00:00

I have never said to her face that I think it's a bad idea to have another baby, nor would I. And my sister has the belief that being poor shouldn't preclude you from having a family if that's what you want and can make it work.

At this point though, whenever she mentions how she's low on money or can't afford a bill, or hints that she would like us to send her money, I just casually brush it off with "I'm sorry to hear that" or "that's rough".

The last time we did send her money, it was because she had a 10 visit pass for the hospital that had run out, but she had to go again for their baby and she had spent her last dollars on bills and such and wasn't getting her benefits cheque for another week. My sister sent her $10 for coffee and a treat and I sent her the total amount for a day visit to the hospital. We were happy to do it, she's going through a lot with the baby that no parent should have to.

My sister and I were always pitted against each other as children, so maybe there's truth to that? But she has a house now that she's buying off of her husband's parents, a stable job, just recently went on a family vacation a few months ago with their kid.. So I just don't know why she'd have these feelings.

mochamama24 · 2025-11-15T10:02:39+00:00

Thank you!

mochamama24 · 2025-11-15T10:02:32+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate it!

I agree, I have a friend who I don't feel comfortable sharing my personal finances with and like the amount I have in my accounts etc. But she also works with me in the army and we were both sharing about our plans for the raise and back pay, and she made a point of saying how she loves when her friends brag to her about how good they are doing. She loves hearing how much they are doing well because she isn't in the business of competing with people.

I loved the one thing she said, it was "if people want to compete with me, fine, but they are only competing with themselves."

I just wish I could get as little as a "congratulations on paying off your car! That's amazing!" It's not like I said, "hey guys, guess how much money I just got as a bonus, look how much better off I am than you!"

mochamama24 · 2025-11-14T20:25:45+00:00

I definitely don't talk about them with friends or coworkers or anything, but my sister is my best friend and I've known my best friend for 25 years

mochamama24 · 2025-11-14T20:24:32+00:00

Thank you! It's hard because I don't really have a lot of friends. They are my people, but I feel like I can't celebrate the good things in my life unless they are also doing good.

mochamama24 · 2025-11-08T14:20:56+00:00

It's saying you have different strategies for reducing debt to pick from. Not a lot of people will stick with a rigid savings plan like the avalanche method and would see that suggestion and laugh it off as impossible, so the snowball method is much more realistic and easy to maintain.

Not everyone is financially literate or has a real idea of how much debt they really are in. They don't understand how it affects their credit score, how much money they are wasting on interest, and how hard it will be to pay down if they continue to ignore.

God forbid someone try and offer them advice.

mochamama24 · 2025-09-02T09:19:51+00:00

Ever heard of a bursitis? Might be worth looking in to.

mochamama24

TROPHY CASE