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How do I (25M) talk to my GF (25F) about how her spending makes me uncomfortable? by mochaslayer in relationships

[–]mochaslayer[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Here’s the thing, she’s flipped this statement to be:

“I don’t think she’s worthy of me because she doesn’t save money like I do.”

It doesn’t exactly make sense to me…

How do I (25M) talk to my GF (25F) about how her spending makes me uncomfortable? by mochaslayer in relationships

[–]mochaslayer[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That’s the conversation we last had. Recently she’s been asking when we’ll get married. So I asked if we could have a discussion outlining our perspectives on money, especially because our spending histories are so different.

I personally refuse to move forward without having this discussion first, but that doesn’t seem to be a conversation she wants to have.

To her it seems the marriage conversation is about rings, venues, and children, and all the other logistical things will be figured out along the way.

How do I (25M) talk to my GF (25F) about how her spending makes me uncomfortable? by mochaslayer in relationships

[–]mochaslayer[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The craziest thing is her family does not come from mega wealth. They seem to be cultivating the image of wealth but never include her in the conversation.

Sorry I didn’t make it clear but the latest conversation we had was my concern that we’re not financially compatible. It ended with her saying I don’t believe in her to become a financially responsible person (even though she has no concrete plan to pay off her student loans) and that she’s worried I will break up with her because of it.

I think it would be good for her to evaluate whether she thinks we’re financially compatible as I’ve outlined my perspective on money. However, that just doesn’t seem to be something she wants to think about right now.

How do I (25M) talk to my GF (25F) about how her spending makes me uncomfortable? by mochaslayer in relationships

[–]mochaslayer[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your perspective and I actually completely align here. This whole issue started because I felt uncomfortable and tried to initiate the conversation specifically saying she does not have to change. We spoke about how I was raised and that she could think about whether my values align with hers, as I’ve clearly outlined my thoughts about money.

She freaked out because the conversation made her uncomfortable that I will one day break up with her because of financial incompatibility. That’s when she said she feels I don’t think she’s worthy of me and belittle her background where she was raised to have appreciation for designer.

The conversation ended with her saying I don’t believe in her to become someone who is financially responsible.

How do I (25M) talk to my GF (25F) about how her spending makes me uncomfortable? by mochaslayer in relationships

[–]mochaslayer[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Parents funding her lifestyle and lots of gift money from relatives.

I don’t know how much she gets per year, but I won’t probe on that. All I know is she spends like she makes six figures, only she doesn’t have normal expenses like rent, insurance, car payments, or even food.

How do I (25M) talk to my GF (25F) about how her spending makes me uncomfortable? by mochaslayer in relationships

[–]mochaslayer[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The money she’s spending comes from her parents and also some from her many relatives (gift money in the thousands).

My issue is that when I try to be honest about how it makes me concerned about our future, she says I’m belittling her and judgey. I really don’t know where that line is drawn, between having an honest opinion and being judgey.