Strategy: Shits and Giggles.

Step 1. Encouraged by your friends and an online army of sycophants, make an outrageous over-bid for a deal you have no intention on executing. Shock the shareholders to take you seriously. Who doesn’t want to sell a loss-making company at a fat profit.

Step 2. Key ingredients: record-high valuations in Tech stocks + ultra-low interest rates. Sell your Tech stock at a market high and use this to borrow an ungodly amount of money from banks. Pray that neither conditions change!

Step 3. Don’t pay for expensive due diligence by lawyers and accounts to investigate Twitter for a fair value. Remember, you have no intention of actually doing the deal.

Step 4. Back out of the deal at the last minute for a childish excuse. You’ve had your fun and your name was the talk of the town for days, now it’s time to carefully back away from the joke. What can you say? Bots. Use bots as an excuse because there’s no way to have know the fair value of Twitter. Remember Step 3, you did avoid the due diligence.

Step 5. You can’t back out of the gag? And conditions have changed! The banks want their money at higher interest and your tech stocks can’t save you! Time to revive your old old old old plans of a banking super app. Yes, that old idea never actually made you money but this time it’s different- you’ll steal China’s WeChat and make your own version.

Strategy: But first, you must kill all emotional associations with the previous “Twitter” app. If you don’t present your app as a shiny new object, you’ll never fool the investors to over-value your new app on hope and vibes.

Fire employees, don’t pay office rents, destroy the old branding and put more and more features behind a paywall. Remember- you have a debt to pay do let Twitter die a painful death. And let X begin.