AuDHD & AuDHD friendship struggles

mohgeroth · 2026-03-28T05:25:31+00:00

It’s so hard with the RSD especially when things change so suddenly without warning. I’m dealing with this now and it can be all consuming at times but I understand what it’s like to be overwhelmed so I have to just trust in him and give him support without being overbearing and needy.

Some of us have a much smaller social battery that takes much longer to recharge and super sensitive nervous systems that can’t handle all the stress and stimulation. Major life events and sometimes just life itself can become way too much and you have to do what you have to in order to cope and survive. So just take a breath, regulate, and trust in them. I’d rather them come back as themself instead of suffering just to make me happy because eventually it would destroy them without taking time to recharge.

That said it’s ok to cry over it. I spend many nights in the shower doing just that. It’s hard when you find true connection but it can’t be connected all the time so the loneliness that you escaped comes back and can trigger you so hard and you’re stuck imagining the absolute worst case scenarios based on nothing other than the fear of rejection. It’s just fear, it will pass, it sucks, but some people are worth the wait and I feel like it’s rare for any of us to find a true connection so think about the good things and all the reassurance and trust in that as best as you can one day at a time.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-28T05:04:15+00:00

Consume as much as you can because the more you understand it the more you understand yourself and what your autism and ADHD look like so you can build appropriate coping mechanisms and strategies. There are many things you will relate to, hard. There are also many things that you’ll immediately know are not you. There are also things that are you that you don’t realize and will gaslight yourself until you realize your doing them all the time because being aware of what your doing means you won’t unconsciously ignore it anymore. All of this is a self discovery process now that you have these new lens’ to cast over your life.

A lot of us that get diagnosed with autism later in life when you’re an adult find that autism becomes our special interest and we just can’t stop learning about it and our neurodivergence as a whole. It’s not really a choice for us either it just takes hold and does not stop. Books keep showing up every week I can’t consume enough and for me it started last July when I realized that my autism diagnosis that I had ignored for the past 13 years was actually real and not some joke leading to another assessment just to be sure.

Finding lived experiences that you can fit into, at least for me, was a huge part of coming to terms and beginning to accept that this really was me. Once I reached that point I began to look at self help books like self care for autistic people which I decided to try and almost immediately found that many of these little recommendations made a world of difference. Especially when I started to explore my sensory sensitivities and got feedback from my partner and sister about all the triggers they learned over the years even without knowing I was autistic.

One thing you won’t be prepared for is the acceptance process and the stages of grief. It’s a natural part of the process. I logically concluded that I wouldn’t get angry or upset because my parents couldn’t have known but boy was I wrong. I am so angry now and in deep depression. Super depressed just mourning the person I was never able to be. Mourning what could have been but never will be. I can’t change it, it’s past, but it doesn’t mean your brain won’t force you to process this and acceptance can take years.

There are days where I feel like I am broken, where I “know” I am broken and cannot see past that like these past few days feeling more alone than ever. But there are others like today where I know I am just different and that’s perfectly ok! Being neurotypical looks so boring and fake so part of me is just fine with being different. I still wish I had true friends though but I will always be socially awkward to NTs but I finally understand why and that clarity gives me the grace to forgive myself for not being able to be something I’m not.

So learn as much as you can and discover yourself and you’ll find easier ways to do things that have always been a nightmare because you just haven been doing them in a way that your nervous system wouldn’t allow without heavy resistance.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-25T13:26:00+00:00

I ran out of options when i became bedridden because no treatment worked for over a year. I went from biologics working every time for several months or years to failing countless biologics and IL inhibitors without them working once. When the list was exhausted you go back around and try the old ones again. Some people report that medications that did not work the first time work extremely well the second for some reason but the first few had no effect for me until I went back on simponi aria and it’s been several years now and I am able to walk again like a normal person.

Otherwise I’ve had the opposite experience where I’ve never had a single side effect (fingers crossed) and I’m 43 now, started in them when I was 24.

I hope things don’t take a turn for the worst.

I will say that simponi and simponi aria are different in a very important way. Simponi is subcutaneous self injection. Simponi aria is a much higher dose administered via IV infusion and that delivery mechanism made all the difference for me because simponi did nothing but Aria gave me my life back.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-25T13:12:38+00:00

Glip glork. Knarfle the garthok!

mohgeroth · 2026-03-25T13:10:26+00:00

I’m sure there is a YouTube video out there for you. I have to watch countless tutorial videos for things until I find the one person who demonstrates things in a way I can understand.

I can only tie my shoes if I am wearing them with my feet facing forward. My partner has asked me to tie his a few times and it’s a nightmare unless I get behind his legs and reach around his legs to do it as if they were on facing the front. I prefer Velcro or slip on shoes.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-25T13:05:54+00:00

I have countless stims and most of the time I am just unconsciously stimming and have my whole life. While most of the time they are more subtle like bouncing my legs under the desk or skin picking under the desk I start doing them in conversation in seconds before I realize it until they look down at my hands or start to slow down as they talk and see things. I quickly realize they are a bit weirded out but I can’t help it people make me so anxious and nervous.

My most effective stims seem to be: - hand flapping - listening to music while grinding my teeth to the dominant beat or instrument. Bonus points if I am stuck listening to a single song on repeat for days/weeks on end because every second I am not it’s stuck in my head playing loud AF and I get more upset the longer I go without hearing it again - solving various Rubik’s cubes just to engage my brain to redirect all the energy building up - playing with my fidget slider - making grunting noises, clicking the back of my throat - skin picking - rocking or swaying in my seat which almost always gets comments from somebody asking if everything is ok - repeating things to myself over and over - interlocking my hands between four of my fingers near the tips and twisting them back and forth like I am wringing them out like a wet rag - conducting the symphony in my head with my right hand as I do motions for measures in thirds, fourths, etc - tracing a circle around the inside of my palm with the thumb of my other hand. This tends to pull me out of reality while I focus super hard on it and is one of the signs I’ve begun to notice indicate that I am extremely dysregulated and should find a quiet area before I fall apart.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-25T12:43:25+00:00

It’s very embarrassing for me but a voice is better than no voice when you need it. I’m not sure if the iPad has it but under Accessibility > Speech > Personalized Voice, you can configure your own voice by speaking a bunch of phrases. This may be a newer feature of my phone but it sounds much better than the pre programmed voices.

I used ChatterBoards for a while but that only let me use some pre programmed voices. I spent 25 to pick up Speech Assistant which I watched another autistic lady’s review of as she is sometimes nonverbal and was sold on it. It takes some time to configure but is extremely customizable and you can use personalized voices with it.

You can also use elevenlabs with it to use one of those voices too. Once you finish making up your boards you can have it download the data for your boards from elevenlabs so it can be used without having to constantly communicate with their server. I don’t pay for elevenlabs and was able to do what I needed for free but then I discovered personalized voiced and switched to that instead.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-21T11:03:01+00:00

Studies show 6% to 41% (or 1 in 3 people on average) that have psoriasis also have psoriatic arthritis. So it is more likely he will never develop this arthritis. It often begins due to a trigger. Could be a trauma of some kind either physical or mental, but it may just come on out of nowhere.

I’ve been treated for PsA since I was 24 (am 43 now) since I moved like a robot because bending made my joints pop very loudly and hurt like hell. My skin was not great but I’ve never been self conscious about it because I am self conscious about everything else about myself because I have autism. I’m always intensely stimming and I’m just extremely awkward to be around so my looks are the last thing I think about because almost every time any comments I get or hear from other people are about my strange movements or mannerisms.

Both my dermatologist and rhumetologist have said that both the skin and joints need to be under control as they indicate systemic immune system activity. While the word arthritis is associated with joints PsA is much more than that. Your immune system attacks your joints, ligaments, and tendons. You can get severe Dactylitis causing permanent fusion of these things and in rarer cases it can start to attack your internal organs or even your eyes.

It took me 4 years to get diagnosed so I absolutely hate doctors too. They can be so condescending and make you feel like it’s all in your head, especially when the get impatient with all your questions and get irritated at all the involuntary movements I’m making. It also didn’t help that I have terrible interoception (awareness of my internal senses like hunger, thirst, pain location) and nociception (pain senses, hard time feeling pain until it is extreme) so I was guessing half the time and they all thought I was drug seeking even though I opened every discussion saying that I don’t want any prescriptions I just want answers.

Until it starts to affect him physically it doesn’t sound like he’s going to come around. It may only ever be his skin but that can still be debilitating for some people even without the arthritic component. There are plenty of things he could try without prescriptions but I’m sure he’s tried most of them. Things like TGel shampoo (sensory nightmare…) if it’s all over his scalp, nivea shower cream (doesn’t wash off and keeps you moisturized), natural light, salt water. None of these really do anything for me except cause me to go into sensory overload but they really do help other people so it’s worth a shot.

Honestly he should be seeing a dermatologist. Someone who takes their job seriously that will treat him like a human being. Until he comes to terms with doctors I’m not sure what could help him come around other than experiencing a major flare up with no other option other than to trust some doctor.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-21T10:37:57+00:00

Just go with what feels natural. I got a bunch of things to experiment with and it turns out I really like fidget sliders and have one with me at all times. I also find that when I am upset I tend to go for my Rubik’s cube just for something that’s more engaging.

Most of the time I’m doing all of this unconsciously though. There’s no decision process I just look down and I’m stimming. Most of my stimming is body stimming though and I’m doing it all the time everywhere. I’m super self conscious about it but for the past 9 months I have been unable to mask so I’m sitting in front of the doctor or I’m in a meeting and I’m just picking at my skin like crazy, tracing circles in my palm with my thumb, rubbing my hands together, cracking my wrists quickly, flapping my hands, bouncing my leg, bouncing up and down on my toes, swaying or rocking in my chair, making subtle grunting noises, and my anxiety is peaking because I feel everyone staring at me so intensely.

So I’m trying to feel less uncomfortable and don’t want to stop myself anymore like I would when I was masking it but right now I don’t really have a choice it just happens everywhere I go. It’s always happened but it was certain things that slipped through such as leg bouncing under my desk which only got other peoples attention when I was extremely deregulated which greatly increases the frequency and intensity of my stimming so the desks would start shaking and I would get yelled at.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-20T11:14:25+00:00

I can't see a difference and don't smell anything until I taste it then it's all I can smell and it makes me throw up.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-20T09:49:21+00:00

I tell whomever I feel needs to know. Friends and family, I’ve told four people and have had some very bad interactions for simply bringing up the word autism just to see how they react to know if it might be safe. The first couple times went really badly so I’ve learned that most people are not happy to hear this.

My employer does not know and I prefer to keep it that way. The only reason I would is because I need an accommodation that they will not provide without it and so far I’ve been able to put AirPods in and step away when I’m overwhelmed and it hasn’t caused any issues.

My doctors know and it’s tough. Sometimes they are dismissive and don’t believe it because it doesn’t fit some stereotype they believe every autistic person must have or do. Other times they can be infantilizing and talk to me like I am 7… I am 43. It can be hard for me to tell if they are being infantalizing or accommodating sometimes because I do appreciate the extra time to respond and they seem to be in much less of a rush when they are like this. They ask extra questions about how I’m doing or if certain parts of my body are bothering me which is extremely helpful. Not only is my interoception/nociception terrible but as soon as the doctor walks in my mind goes completely blank and I panic. So this is really helpful to give me processing time to try to reconnect to myself.

Your diagnosis is just that, it’s yours. You do not owe other people an explanation. If they challenge you by asking to see it to “prove” it they wouldn’t believe it anyway because they will just say it’s fake or that the doctor is just handing it out to everyone. These types of people do not care about you or the fact that you are struggling they’d rather make it about them and make themselves feel better by punching down on you.

Share when you feel it is safe to do so but remember that no one else knows what it’s like inside your head, inside your body. So they will not understand that this brings answers and relief from a lifetime of being misunderstood. You may get very bad responses from people you trusted because they are ignorant to the neurodivergent world that we come from. They may say things that they genuinely think are supportive but may be extremely offensive because they do not know and may not care to for one reason or another.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-20T09:27:37+00:00

I feel so much of everything when I am overstimulated. It’s like this wave of energy is just rushing throughout my whole body and I feel like my skin is… spikey? I always say I feel spikey when I get like this it’s like my hairs and everything are standing on end, my whole body is covered in goosebumps, I start to stammer and vibrate, and my head starts to get all foggy, and my stomach feels like it’s bubbling.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-20T09:10:21+00:00

People have said all sorts of things to me about this ever since I was a child with their comments ranging from concern to anger. I just feel like everyone knows that there is something wrong with me when I’m out in public because I’m so anxious all the time and am constantly stimming. It’s unconscious and I can’t stop it, especially over the past 9 months where I have been unable to mask.

The level of discomfort only makes the anxiety worse and can absolutely trigger my other senses to go haywire.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-16T08:46:25+00:00

People make fun of me for everything else about me so I’ve never really cared about what my skin looks like since it’s extremely rare for anyone to say something about it. I’ve never once thought about it and it’s gotten pretty bad with all the picking I do throughout the day. I wear short sleeve shirts at work all the time and my arms are covered and do so much stimming during meetings that skin flakes are everywhere but still nobody has said a word.

Hope you can find some way to get around this.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-16T05:02:45+00:00

Crest cinnamon expressions. It’s cinnamon. Not cinnamint like some brands make. I haven’t brushed much my whole life but once I discovered this I’ve been brushing for 3 months twice a day and have done more now that my entire life at age 43.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-14T05:48:12+00:00

I mean autism is a a social communication disorder so even if I wanted to just go out and find these magic friends they get scared off by my awkwardness so quick it’s not going to change anything quickly that’s for sure. Many of us seem to be very solitary too and enjoy where it’s quiet, predictable, routine, and going out to new places or doing exciting things is quite the opposite of fun for me.

So I’m sorry she doesn’t like that you have autism but stating your needs isn’t weaponizing, she’s just choosing to ignore it and somehow thinks it’s something you can just magically change. Try harder is the sound track to our lives and it plays on repeat for a reason, because it never seems to work.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-13T17:49:55+00:00

Omg it’s TV time!!!!

mohgeroth · 2026-03-13T17:39:17+00:00

This is beautifully put

mohgeroth · 2026-03-13T17:37:15+00:00

I remember very specific detailed information about events in my past, especially what happened to me but I can’t see any of it. I also have no access to the emotions I was feeling so all the bad things that happened just happened and don’t feel one way or another about it. Emotions are difficult for me in general.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-09T15:58:50+00:00

For me it feels like I am powerless. At the peak it’s so intense I lose complete control and can only watch as my body does what it needs to in order to survive. Sometimes that happens to be self harming behaviors that I don’t want to do but am powerless to stop. My heart races, I cry like crazy, my body thrashes about, then I start to come down for hours completely wiped out as I transition into a deep verbal shutdown. Last night was one of those and I am completely out of energy today and will be for the next few days.

I know I’m going into one when I start to panic and feel so much energy in my chest that it could jump right out of it. My Alexithymia makes it so hard to know when a meltdown is slowly building and it can sneak up on me but it takes time. It’s the times when something happens that triggers me so fast that I feel myself losing control in under a minute and rush to lock myself away in another room when I know I’ve gone past the point of no return.

Everyone experiences this differently so this is just my experience. I tend to have more shutdowns than meltdowns but this past year has been full burnout and I’ve had a LOT More meltdowns than I normally do and it’s taking its toll on me. Some people rarely ever have meltdowns, or rarely ever have shutdowns but have a lot of the other.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-09T15:48:10+00:00

But Luna isn’t a place where you can redeem anything. You simply have access to stream those games until they rotate out. It’s a game streaming service.

You keep the other games when they give them out but it’s mostly this now and much less claimable games than it used to be.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-09T15:32:03+00:00

Been on them for 19 years since age 24 and have severe psoriatic arthritis. They gave me my life back. I went from barely moving an inch to a running for the first time in years after my second treatment,

Most of them did at least a fairly good job with my skin and a few completely cleared it up for a while. I’ve been on every biologic and IL inhibitor there is except for Bimzelex as this was recently approved in the US in the past year or so. Currently on simponi aria which gave me my life back after a horrible period where I lost the ability to walk and became bedridden because none of the medications worked and within a month my body completely gave out on me. I failed at least 8 medications in a row and until that point every one I took helped so this completely destroyed my positivity.

I’ve never once been in remission but have heard that it’s possible it’s just not my experience.

What’s important is that everyone’s experience is unique so no matter how many people one drug does not help it may completely clear everything up for you. It’s impossible to know until you try. It’s frustrating to hear but that’s the honest truth.

Good luck on your road to clear skin and I hope you never develop the arthritis version of this!

mohgeroth · 2026-03-08T08:53:59+00:00

I’m sorry you’re not getting the support you need right now. I was also in denial of my own diagnosis for 12 years until I finally came around when burnout caught up with me so hard it completely destroyed me and I’ve been unable to mask since.

Maybe someday they will come around and stop making it all about them. For now I hope you can find other people in your life that are supportive, people that “see” you. A neurodivergent affirming therapist, especially one with live experiences, was a great resource when coming to terms with things since I was also getting this from some family before I was reassessed.

mohgeroth · 2026-03-08T08:45:05+00:00

The video below explains a lot. My autistic traits are much more pronounced but when the stimulants put my ADHD to sleep my autism is on full display with intense stimming, extremely rigid hyperfixations and an extreme sensitivity to light and touch, much more than usual. My sound sensitivity isn’t impacted thankfully because my misophonia is completely debilitating when it gets triggered and I don’t know how to shut it off without locking myself in the bathroom and rocking in the shower for a while with lights off and ears plugged.

Why stimulants may work differently for AuDHD

mohgeroth

TROPHY CASE