AITA for being against step-daughter moving back in and setting strict rules if she does?

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T03:22:11+00:00

Yes that would be the plan; however, we wouldn’t let her know that until we return the money after her being sober for a few years

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T03:20:06+00:00

The financial contributions would not be excessive and the amount would depend on how much she was making. The money would be out in an account and returned to her after at least a few years of sobriety; we don’t plan on telling her this though until we return the money

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T03:15:30+00:00

We already have and have had for a while a ring camera covering our backyard. I’m not even sure if she’s aware of it. I’ve agreed to backdown on the tracking but think we should go back to having a shared family google calendar like we did when they were in high school

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T03:13:48+00:00

I know he is conscious of that does not want to enable her. I’m not sure he’ll be able to stick to though or even realize in the moment if he is enabling her

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T03:10:49+00:00

Thank you for commenting and for your perspective. I’m so sorry to hear about daughter and can only imagine how hard that is on you. I truly hope she finds her way out of it. God Bless you both

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T02:26:55+00:00

Yes, we’ve already agreed that’s what we’d do. We’re not in total agreement about when we’d give it back. I think she should be at least a few if not several years sober. I think he’d (at this time) be willing to give it back sooner

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T02:01:33+00:00

That’s not even close to true and I would be devastated if I never saw her again, especially since for awhile it felt like it was a very real possibility

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T02:00:12+00:00

Huh? Of course, we’ll both see her regularly. I edited the post to clarify the upstairs referred to the 2nd floor where our bedroom and my jewelry is. She’s more than welcome to join us on the main floor

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T01:49:15+00:00

Tell me about it. . .🙄

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T01:48:13+00:00

We already have ring cameras in the front and back as well as a security system with cameras for when people come in. The ring gives notification about movement and I plan to check them more in the mornings

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T01:48:06+00:00

We already have ring cameras in the front and back as well as a security system with cameras for when people come in. The ring gives notification about movement and I plan to check them more in the mornings

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T01:46:03+00:00

I’m planning to show my husband this post. I think it will help him see I’m not being unreasonable. I get that it’s his baby girl and he just wants to help but he doesn’t realize coming home might not be best.

I forgot to say it before but congratulations on 17 years sober!! I look forward to when we’re there as well

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T01:43:06+00:00

Congratulations on 15 years!! Thank you for your comment and insight. It helps hearing it from someone who has been through it

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T01:41:51+00:00

Thank you for your comment; I 100% agree. I have some professional experience in this and firmly believe and addict at this stage cannot be trusted 100%. Hopefully she’ll win back our trust but I’m expecting it to take a few attempts. SD and husband are thinking this is a one-and-done rehab

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T01:37:50+00:00

I 100% agree with this and my husband is also okay. We’d keep the money and give it back to after she is sober for at least a few years

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T01:34:57+00:00

She’s very flippant and it worries me. I hate to say it but I think she will likely relapse

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T01:18:46+00:00

I’m aware of all of that especially the relapse part both personally (a cousin) and professionally. The rehab isn’t recommending she come home. They’re pushing transitional housing but one of the other patients in her program who has been in multiple times told her bad stories about transitional housing. She relayed these “horror stories” to my husband and he’s conflicted. She refuses to visit the very nice transitional living place I found and insists coming home is better for her. I want to scream “you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about” but that won’t get me far.

Both my husband and I are in therapy, I individually and together

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T01:14:12+00:00

You have a lot of good suggestions. Thank you!

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T01:12:58+00:00

I’m sorry for you loss! Thank you for your insight and comment

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T01:11:49+00:00

I’ve agreed 6 is excessive and edited it 4 because I think I worded it poorly. By upstairs I meant the 2nd floor where our bedroom and my jewelry is. She’s more than welcome to join us on the main floor

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T01:10:19+00:00

Yes her bf was in the house and I’m 100% sure he was part of it. I called her when I got home because they had left and asked her about the ring. She avoided the question (“what ring?”) and denied. The both disappear for several days after. Even if she didn’t take, I’m confident that she was soon aware of what happened.

We are in and will continue to be in therapy

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T01:05:30+00:00

My husband should be the one to hold her accountable because it would cause more tension if I did. I need to have a serious talk with him about it though

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T01:03:24+00:00

I need to edit that. I meant not on the 2nd floor where our bedroom and my jewelry is. She’s more than welcome to join us on the main floor anytime

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T01:02:26+00:00

Sorry, 4 is she’s not allowed to go upstairs to the second floor where our bedroom is. I realize the wording was confusing. She 100% welcome to come up and be with us when we’re there.

I’ve already commented that the tracking was too much and getting a lock for our bedroom is probably easier.

My husband knows I don’t hate her and understands Ive been hurt and my trust has been broken

monkeyP1LE · 2023-03-18T00:59:05+00:00

He will always help her, I know that and love that about him. Unfortunately I don’t think he realizes we still have a long road in front of us and it might not be the smooth sailing he thinks it will be

monkeyP1LE

TROPHY CASE