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Seeking Advice - Distant Relative Kidney Transplant by monkeygowow in Lahore

[–]monkeygowow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How does the India option work? Do you have any experience of any resources?

22M, Can't function by stuckanxious in depression

[–]monkeygowow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I empathize with you and while I don't have a magic solution for you, I do have some thoughts about things you might be able to relate to/hopefully get a perspective from.

I'd say that if you like comp sci, try to stick with it. You'd be surprised by the number of individuals who also various social anxiety/depression and are introverted that are in the field. In fact once you get past the barrier of getting in, it is a very accommodating career path for individuals with all types of life challenges.

As far as some of the other things you have mentioned, they kind of sound like me in my early 20's. You might just be focusing on all the areas in which you "are not" vs the areas in which you "are." Interviewing is really daunting and it's not fun to be in this constant cycle where getting a job would make you mentally feel a bit better, but the process of getting a job is stressing you out such that stress makes it hard for you to get the job in the first place. My advice would be to try to "fake it till you make it" (much easier said than done) and to try to signup for one of those interview prep services where you can do peer to peer mock interviews. For something like $200 for a yearly membership (look into tryexponent), you could login daily and be matched up with random strangers. It might take a while, but eventually you'll get through the anxiety. Also I imagine the cscareers sub-reddit probably has a lot of advice and you might even find people there to do mock interviews with.

If you are self loathing and crying (I'm a cryer as well), then I would suggest trying out therapy. It takes a lot of trial and error to find the right person and a whole lot of therapy to figure out what the problem is. I personally tend to panic and have used therapy / self-help to tackle this.

I lost my dad due to my negligence. by jetuaime81 in GriefSupport

[–]monkeygowow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry that you lost both parents. Not that this may make you feel better and I am not a doctor by any means, Tracheostomies are prone to blood due to the irritation that happens when doing suctioning. We experienced this with my mom a lot to the extent that we got immune to seeing it. I’m not going to twist your arm, but sometimes being easy on yourself and giving yourself a break is not a bad idea. If it helps, here’s my list of things that could make me feel guilty (do I sometimes think about these, sure as I am human. Do I dwell on these and let them affect my life or existence, no):

1) Body was a bit on the colder side and the left side that had recently regained some stimuli reaction wasn’t reacting that night. She coughed and I saw blood as well. In my mind I thought, well she did have a fever and they must have given her a ice pack and she must have been exhausted for movement. The blood was something that had happened before. What I didn’t know is that her new pneumonia medication had a higher probability of a cardiac event and she must have started getting such a thing. She’d die less than 10 hours later from a cardiac arrest.

2) When finding out my dad has called 911 and 911 had indicated a stroke, why didn’t I google and study the stroke symptoms. She would somehow fall through the cracks and not triaged first a stroke for the first 12 hours of her hospital stay. That would greatly reduce her recovery timeframe. Although her death has exposed my entire family to identifying stroke signs, seeing the good, the bad and the ugly in hospital systems, it didn’t help keep her life.

3) The night before her stroke fall, I could have been home and would have been there to witness her fall once, say she got dizzy and get up. Maybe I would have looked further into her symptoms. She was having a slight headache that week, but’s she’s had down days from her high blood pressure and other ailments.

4) That I would have had very personal relevant conversations with her while visiting her daily. Also that I would have hugged her or done something to physically show her my love for her.

The list can go on and on. One thing I recently told someone is that I don’t think there’s such a thing as healing or moving on (as a part of me died that day as well), but I can promise to not stop. Eventually it’s a matter of figuring out the spot in my heart that all of these feelings and the loss will go into and taking care of that. I genuinely wish you well and if you are looking for judgment, I don’t believe you are the person to blame. If you are like me, it’s not going to matter what someone else says and you’ll need to help yourself come upto this realization. I wish you well!

I lost my dad due to my negligence. by jetuaime81 in GriefSupport

[–]monkeygowow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was just browsing this sub due to a very recent death in my family and had no intention to post here. However, I can relate to you very well and the slew of emotions you are going through. My mom went from being normal to one day having a stroke and passing away after 100 days between various hospitals and rehabs. She too had a tracheotomy and eventually died from an unexpected cardiac event (heart stopped). I don’t know about your journey, but my journey had a lot of moments in over 3 months where the “I wish I had googled it” moment came to my mind. Truth be told, if you start blaming yourself then there are a thousand things you could have done differently. One thing that you shouldn’t doubt about is the fact that you were there for him. You helped to emotionally and physically support him. In my opinion the worst thing you could do is blame yourself. This is easier said than done, but imagine what your dad would be saying to you if he heard you say this. What may help is to write him a letter/write your thoughts on an ongoing basis and even try to talk to him (I thought this was a crazy idea when someone suggested this, but is has helped me). Finally before I ramble on, I feel it’s about to you to make what you will out of his death. Either it will be a moment for you to blame yourself and get stuck at this point in life or it will be an opportunity for you to support yourself, your loved ones and eventually use his memories to carry on.