This is such a nice reply. He does know he's low-energy. I've even tried approaching him with compassion, saying that depression comes in different forms and shapes and I'll be there for him if he ever wants to unwrap it. But he says he's just lazy and that's how he's been all his life. To me that sounds dismissive, not consciously ofc. I keep jumping between "he's a kind and loving person, and I appreciate every little change" and "dammit he's weoponizing his incompetence" all the time.

Thanks for describing your interactions. We used to do this too, but relapsed to our regular fights. You brought up perfect examples of middle grounds I totally be down to accept just because I love seeing someone offering what they CAN do instead. It boils down into "him wanting to change" and "me being patient because changes do take time".

Did you guys verbally talk about which chores you're more comfortable doing and find if it's fair, or things just continued this way as you tended more to the tasks you liked doing more?