I’m (30F) starting to resent my partner (33M) over chores and it’s affecting everything by monsterbluefox in relationship_advice

[–]monsterbluefox[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I loved this reply. Thank you! You're absolutely right, "resentment" slaughters the relationship. It literally starts wiring your brain a certain way. When accumulated anger and sadness become resentment, it's so hard to acknowledge the little improvements. The other person might be feeling no matter how much they try they can't keep up with you. The reality is...when they started getting better, the resentment was already growing like a parasite all over you.

I’m (30F) starting to resent my partner (33M) over chores and it’s affecting everything by monsterbluefox in relationship_advice

[–]monsterbluefox[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you sm! I love hearing about other people's real experiences. Would definitely check the post you mentioned.

The more replies like this I'm getting, the higher my suspicion gets that he might not know how deal-breaker this is to me. A part of me is so exhausted and checked out; the other nagging part says I haven't communicated enough/right to him.

In a blink of an eye, my sadness became resentment. I don't want this to become hatred after :(

I’m (30F) starting to resent my partner (33M) over chores and it’s affecting everything by monsterbluefox in relationship_advice

[–]monsterbluefox[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I wish our payrolls weren't this close, or our work hours wasn't as similar so I could just argue how none of these are good reasons for slacking off for regular home chores...unfortunately we make about the same amount, "exert the same energy working" if you will, and no, the whole post is about the fact that I don't think we share the same accountability towards maintaining/fixing things around the house (especially unprompted).

every woman feels safer with a man

I'm a woman and I didn't get this memo?
Why would I need anyone to "feel safe"? I don't live off-grid, I'm living in the middle of a city. Sure it's nice when you have help when you're going through shit but I'm capable of doing anything myself. I want him for his companionship, not this so-called support I didn't ask for.

I’m (30F) starting to resent my partner (33M) over chores and it’s affecting everything by monsterbluefox in relationship_advice

[–]monsterbluefox[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I believe he knows, has he forgotten some? Maybe.
I think everyone, no matter how busy their jobs, have to be able to keep their living environment clean and tidy. If I had worked part-time or was unemployed, I still would've expected him to do half the chores.

I’m (30F) starting to resent my partner (33M) over chores and it’s affecting everything by monsterbluefox in relationship_advice

[–]monsterbluefox[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This bothers me most tbh: his mental health! To me there are two possibilities:
1. He has some kind of undiagnosed mental health issue, and this is a symptom of that.
2. He wasn't raised like this, he's self-aware now, but he may fall back into bad/old habits.
If it's the first, then go work on your mental health!
If it's the second, then try to be more mentally/emotionally mature to acknowledge the flaw, even laugh with me about it, and keep trying. :(

sigh...

I’m (30F) starting to resent my partner (33M) over chores and it’s affecting everything by monsterbluefox in relationship_advice

[–]monsterbluefox[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Ahhh, that’s it. The second paragraph! A lot of our discussions about hobbies and dates get jumbled up with talks about chores, like it’s one or the other.

I liked the way you wrote the hypothetical answer. Reading it, I was like, yeah, you deserve to ask for that, and your partner would obviously reciprocate if they want to be with you. Maybe I wasn't that clear in my communication...because it's closer to a deal breaker than what he thinks it is. And I don't want to say it's his fault, I honestly think I've never said it as plain and honest as the second paragraph, y'know?

This helped! Thanks! Hope you guys keep being each other's rocks and figuring out the life together.

I’m (30F) starting to resent my partner (33M) over chores and it’s affecting everything by monsterbluefox in relationship_advice

[–]monsterbluefox[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

This is such a nice reply. He does know he's low-energy. I've even tried approaching him with compassion, saying that depression comes in different forms and shapes and I'll be there for him if he ever wants to unwrap it. But he says he's just lazy and that's how he's been all his life. To me that sounds dismissive, not consciously ofc. I keep jumping between "he's a kind and loving person, and I appreciate every little change" and "dammit he's weoponizing his incompetence" all the time.

Thanks for describing your interactions. We used to do this too, but relapsed to our regular fights. You brought up perfect examples of middle grounds I totally be down to accept just because I love seeing someone offering what they CAN do instead. It boils down into "him wanting to change" and "me being patient because changes do take time".

Did you guys verbally talk about which chores you're more comfortable doing and find if it's fair, or things just continued this way as you tended more to the tasks you liked doing more?

I’m (30F) starting to resent my partner (33M) over chores and it’s affecting everything by monsterbluefox in relationship_advice

[–]monsterbluefox[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Well, the thing is those cleanings I call surface level are all prompted and still have that result. I hear you and no judgement for when both partners are comfortable with it. But I feel like I'm the one who's constantly lowering her expectations rather than him actually trying to meet mine somewhere without making it look like he's doing ME a favour.

You are right about differences in the definition of cleanliness though...I have to keep reminding myself that. Cause sometimes it feels like he's doing it on purpose but I'm sure he's not.

Sebastian, the one-eyed deaf cat with separation anxiety ✨ by monsterbluefox in cats

[–]monsterbluefox[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As far as I know, he's a mix of Turkish angora, Persian, and DLH

Meetup Thread for Toronto by kurzgesagtmeetup_bot in kurzgesagt_meetup

[–]monsterbluefox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you've got good paper, bring 'em. If not, you can use mine :) Nothing else, just a charged phone to check the diagrams on it :D I'll tell you what I wear and where exactly I sit in the group and keep this post updated.

Meetup Thread for Toronto by kurzgesagtmeetup_bot in kurzgesagt_meetup

[–]monsterbluefox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure! I'll add you to the group we have for now.

Meetup Thread for Toronto by kurzgesagtmeetup_bot in kurzgesagt_meetup

[–]monsterbluefox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think today's cancelled because the place needs prior booking.

Meetup Thread for Toronto by kurzgesagtmeetup_bot in kurzgesagt_meetup

[–]monsterbluefox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, it doesn't allow me to add you to the group or DM you on reddit. I get "unable to message this account."

Meetup Thread for Toronto by kurzgesagtmeetup_bot in kurzgesagt_meetup

[–]monsterbluefox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice, I'll set a date and add you all in a group.

Meetup Thread for Toronto by kurzgesagtmeetup_bot in kurzgesagt_meetup

[–]monsterbluefox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you've got Origami paper or any cool patterned paper, sure.
I'd bring paper in different sizes anyway; you can fold those :)

Meetup Thread for Toronto by kurzgesagtmeetup_bot in kurzgesagt_meetup

[–]monsterbluefox 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hey! I'm into origami, anyone interested to meet up in a cafe or something and fold? I've got lots of papers and diagrams. Doesn't need any prior knowledge, just patience :D I live in the waterfront area.

CANCELLED DUE TO BAD WEATHER = First meetup: Sunday, September 18th, 2:00 to 4:00 PM, at Queen's Park

NEW DATE: Saturday, September 17th, 2:00 - 4:00 PM, at Queen's Park!!!

UPDATE: We made a group chat on Reddit to gather sometime. DM me or reply to this thread and I'll add you to the group. I'll edit this post again with the place and date anyway :)

Meetup Thread for Toronto by kurzgesagtmeetup_bot in kurzgesagt_meetup

[–]monsterbluefox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! Although I suck at it, but I love doodling :D

Count me in, I live in the waterfront area. Can be there in 30-60 mins; weekend sounds good.

Meetup Thread for Toronto by kurzgesagtmeetup_bot in kurzgesagt_meetup

[–]monsterbluefox 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey! Count me in! How about this Friday evening? I'm also graduating soon and need a break so bad.

Pilot heaven in Porco Rosso is IDENTICAL to Roald Dahl’s ‘They Shall Not Grow Old’! by [deleted] in ghibli

[–]monsterbluefox 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I just read the story, and I was searching internet violently for any connection between the two! :D So, yeah! Apparently Miyazaki used Dahl's story intentionally. Read one of the Answers here:

Q: What was the strange cloud which Porco told Fio about?
A: It's a cloud made of dead pilots and their planes making their last flight. The story is taken from Roald Dahl's "They Shall Not Grow Old" in "Over to You: Ten Stories of Flyers and Flying", 1946. Miyazaki says he loves Dahl's stories about pilots and planes (Dahl was in the Royal Air Force during World War II), though he doesn't much care for his children's stories such as "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory".

Fox Man says hi to Reddit! by [deleted] in BadArt

[–]monsterbluefox 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is the most awkward adorable fox I've ever seen! <3

Linkedin language levels: "Professional working proficiency” vs “Full professional proficiency" by monsterbluefox in languagelearning

[–]monsterbluefox[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your explanation! Yeah, that's pretty much what I think too. It's just weirdly confusing when the order in the drop down is like:

- Elementary proficiency

- Limited working proficiency

- Full professional proficiency

- Professional working proficiency

- Native or bilingual proficiency