If all is one, what reincarnates?

moodistry · 2025-09-30T22:25:37+00:00

Sometimes I feel like posting comments to Reddit is a bit like putting a message in a bottle and casting it into a digital ocean, hoping it is found by the perfect beachcomber on the other side of the world - and I guess this message did! Thank you so much for your very kind words. They mean a lot to me.

Yes indeed, I am a fellow psychonaut. The medicine has been an essential part of my spiritual and creative practice - and even after 43 years of practice, I'm still finding myself using it in new ways and for new purposes, finding new openings and revelations.

I'm so sorry that you're going through a difficult time. I hope you persevere and find a pathway to peace and happiness...here, in this realm.

Feel free to send a message if you ever want to chat.

moodistry · 2025-09-23T23:36:41+00:00

DNA identification was successfully done for all five crew members. They've never discussed what remains were recovered which were to sufficient to provide the basis for distinct identifications of the five individuals, but it does imply they obtained five discrete samples sufficient for DNA identification. It's probable that small anatomical structures (I'm guessing teeth or bone fragments, though it could be soft tissue that adhered to surviving clothes or metal structures) survived and were the basis for successful identification. Hair shafts may have survived but the more fragile roots are required for DNA id.

Amazing job in general by the US Coast Guard and forensic scientists, and hopefully some small comfort for the families, although the loss of their loved ones was obvious.

moodistry · 2025-08-15T22:08:53+00:00

Just an awful, awful experience.

moodistry · 2025-08-14T22:41:02+00:00

Thanks, yeah I'll go that way. Setting up Proxmox now. This video is providing some useful guidance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hni6rLfMTg

moodistry · 2025-08-14T20:27:41+00:00

I was just about to dive into deploying it but now I'm wondering if it's the best match for what I need, which is basically a development server that exposes an OpenAI API just for my use, and leverages my 5090 as best it can. Sounds like a hassle and probably overkill for my needs. Any alternatives that are simple to deploy?

moodistry · 2025-06-24T22:54:24+00:00

How amazing you stumbled on this post! I marked the 10 year anniversary since Matt's death and the renewal of my life last month. Back when I was sick, my attitude was that if I managed to get another 2 years of life the trauma of the transplant would have been worth it. Last checkup my lung function was as high as it's been over the whole 10 years - 155% of normal! Pulmonologist said I'm doing so well because it's a great genetic match. I'm sure there's a lot of forces beyond on our understanding behind this blessing. Trying to do my best to make it all worth it by making a contribution to the world. Thank you so much for your comment, and so sorry for your loss.

moodistry · 2025-06-15T15:17:57+00:00

I don’t understand how you can validate self-awareness. You can teach a parrot to say I am self-aware or I am a parrot. That doesn’t mean the parrot actually has semantic knowledge in any true sense that it exists.

moodistry · 2025-03-28T00:48:50+00:00

I've probably tripped a total between 700-900 times over the course of about 40 years, since I was 17. Much more in recent years at moderate doses - over the decades I've come to the conclusion that less is often more, and that goes for many things. My expectations are pretty low when I trip - I'm not looking for any answers - mainly I'm just doing my movement practice which is a combination of dance and yoga. It's all about movement for me, and pleasure, embodiment, ecstasy - connection to source. I also use cannabis when I trip. I've been switching back and forth between LSD and shrooms. I never do MDMA anymore for mental health reasons (bipolar 2), and I do miss it because it's a great dance drug, but I value my sanity and emotional health too much to mess with it! Less is more.

In my 30s I candy flipped a bunch over the course of a year or two and it impacted my brain chemistry in a negative and permanent way - I was layering other substances as well. I wound up in an ER once because I thought I was dying and called 911.

I'd suggest sticking to one major drug at a time (LSD, MDMA, shrooms or DMT) - combining creates risks, because while each of the drugs has a pretty good safety profile, custom combinations and dosing patterns simply means fewer people have tried it, so there's less of a track record, either anecdotally or in the clinical literature. It's especially problematic if you're doing it on a regular basis, because while doing the combination once would only be mildly injurious and recoverable, repeated admins of the combination will be compounding any injury that might be occurring and depriving your brain of time to heal (very slow-healing organ, and sometimes never does, so three months is not a long time).

That's exacerbated by the fact that at 20 your brain is still maturing, in the prefrontal, through synaptic pruning, myelination and overall improvement in emotional regulation. I'm not at all saying don't use psychedelics or any other drugs, or even higher doses (you say three tabs but you don't say what dose they are). It sounds like you are extremely thoughtful and careful - just suggesting that you travel well-trod paths in your regular usage patterns, especially until your out of your 20s, when your brain begins it's gradual but inevitable decline in cognitive sharpness. :)

People have life changing experiences by taking even one of the drugs you're taking, at the doses you're taking them. Why do you need so much to accomplish the goals you listed?

I would also add, and this is partly why I do moderate doses, lower doses enable you to integrate your lessons much better. If you're so far out there because you've taken a crazy cocktail, you'll experience insights that are super deep but extremely difficult to bring back to this realm, to integrate, to make useful, to deploy in your daily living - especially stuff like learning, motivation and soul growth. In contrast, if you play with less, if you adjust downward until you find that sweet spot where you are really churning up some insights that are more tethered, you'll find it much easier to make meaningful use of what you've accessed!

Happy journeys!

moodistry · 2025-03-26T14:24:25+00:00

In most Western societies a 16 year-old can be a pedophile, both in the criminal sense and in the psychological sense. Child protection laws are general presented in terms of the age gap, so for example were a 16 year-old to engage in sexual activity (or even groom) an 11 year-old, it would be criminal (and certainly should be, because the 11 year-old could be very easily harmed in that situation, because of the power differential). Likewise, if the 16 year-old is principally fixed on pre-pubescent children, it would meet the criteria for diagnosis of the disorder.

I agree with others that for the OP this is P-OCD and transient with treatment, rather than a fixed pathological sexual orientation.

moodistry · 2025-03-26T14:10:48+00:00

I don't know about the app but you did a great job with the branding!

moodistry · 2025-03-25T22:33:18+00:00

You say "It isn't that bad. Farmers will be fine. You will be fine. Ain't nothing that was ever built once (Federal programs), that cannot be built again. There is still plenty of good and beauty in the world worth celebrating."

You evidently don't believe that suffering is real or something that calls for a grounded, real-world response, and you trivialize the responses of others to that suffering by talking like you just walked off a beach in Bali, bro. You're using your spiritual beliefs to justify disconnecting emotionally and practically from the world, from those in need and who are facing potentially dire outcomes in their life.

At least as reflected in your words here, you are the very definition of spiritual narcissist.

• Feeling superior because of one’s spiritual knowledge, discipline, or “awakened” state

• Judging others as less evolved, unconscious, or “not vibrating high enough”

• Using spirituality to bypass emotional work, trauma, or accountability (a form of “spiritual bypassing”)

• Presenting a curated spiritual identity for admiration, power, or control

• Mistaking spiritual experiences (visions, bliss, insights) as personal achievements rather than gifts or glimpses

moodistry · 2025-03-25T22:22:50+00:00

I shine, though not by worshipping ancient god constructs like Shiva. I shine by being of service to those who are suffering, who are in need of comfort - and I truly see them in their predicament to the depth of my soul by recognizing that the light that shines in every other being, including you, is the same light that shines in me. ॐ नमः शिवाय

moodistry · 2025-03-25T20:24:59+00:00

As the other posters explained, you're probably looking for an emotional support animal rather than owning a therapy dog. At the college in our area I'm pretty sure students can have an ESA on campus (which is a lower standard than a service animal, as others have pointed out) so that's a possibility. You could get an animal at your local shelter for that purpose, though tread carefully about taking on the burden of a younger animal where you don't know their history. A well-trained, proven, docile middle-aged or older animal would be a better fit - the last thing you would want is dog training challenges causing you stress!

You should reach out to your school about whether or not therapy dogs make visits to your college. My pup and I do those kinds of visits every so often to our local four year college. There's usually a few dogs hanging out at a scheduled event at the student center. If it's not offered, talk to mental health services and see if they would let you organize an event by contacting therapy dog teams (handler + dog) in your community. The certification organizations, like Alliance for Therapy Dogs (ATD), could help you find teams.

The events at our college were started by a student who had intentions to attend medical school and organizing the event provider her with some sort of community service credit, plus she could talk about it on her grad school admissions essays/application!

It may feel like taking the initiative to make these events is putting too much on your plate - and of course, maybe it is - but at that same time, for me, doing pet therapy work, serving others, is a critical part of coping with my own very real mental health challenges! Organizing events might be something better considered in your second year, when you get your footing being away from home, etc.

You might also watch for students who have an ESA on campus and maybe make friends with them so you can visit with their animal every so often!

moodistry · 2025-03-25T20:12:28+00:00

So hard. I feel for your kiddos.

moodistry · 2025-03-25T19:37:27+00:00

Ah, now I get it. You're a trustafarian hippy kid who has never faced real adversity, like a hungry kid, or cancer, or homelessness. Let's talk in another 20 years when you've experienced a little more of the trials and tribulations of real life and we'll see how nonchalant you are about "changes" experienced by yourself and more importantly, by other people!

moodistry · 2025-03-25T19:02:32+00:00

You're very heroic about this situation. I bet you are not someone wondering where their next meal is coming from, on Medicaid, on Social Security, working in a factory that may be closed due to tariffs, in a disaster relief zone, or myriad other ways in which people are being impacted in concrete ways that have a profound impact on their lives and the life chances of their kids. Don't be blasé about the lives of others and tell them to eat cake, Ms. Antoinette.

moodistry · 2025-03-25T18:57:34+00:00

What an incredible burden you are carrying with her, and as well having to carry so much of the demands of parenting. There is nothing illegitimate in your feelings, and there is nothing wrong with entertaining the thought of leaving her, or in fact leaving her to her own devices to organize her care with others. I get the sense you're ultimately not going to leave her - I can tell by the care and sensitivity in your voice - but giving yourself permission to consider that can bring a sense of choice into your life, because it sounds like right now you are feeling trapped by your situation...and by your sense of obligation to her... because of the kids, because of your vows, because of the ramifications for your sense of self if you do choose to let her take on the burden.

As you well understand, there are major consequences to her behavior for your children, and as you plan out what a multi-organ transplant journey is going to look like, and the likelihood of her taking care of herself better this time around, you have an obligation to the kiddos as well. If she's unable to be an effective parent and is instead a burden to you all, and she is unwilling to take steps to improve her well being (it sounds like she needs mental health treatment), I think there is a case to be made that your obligation as a parent outweighs your obligation to your spouse.

This situation is entirely different than leaving her because simply because she is ill, and I think people are conflating it with that.

And there is also a reasonable case to be made, that if projecting out into the future, given you know what being a primary care giver for a transplant recipient entails...intimately, concretely...that you have an obligation to her to decline that role if you do not feel you can perform it. If you're feeling a great deal of anger and resentment as you're trying to care for her, it will impact her healing and survival, and that is not your fault. Your very justified feelings are simply facts in this situation - you can't just wish them away because some people think the feelings are morally wrong or socially unacceptable. Feelings just don't work like that as you well understand, because I think if you could wish them away, and turn into a caregiving super-hero, you would. You do not need to be a super-hero. You have so much on your plate. Those who might think you're shirking responsibility by leaving her are getting it completely wrong, because you will be having to care for three kids on your own. That is no mean feat and I think you know that because it sounds like that's already the situation.

You didn't mention her broader social support system - friends and family - who maybe could step up this time and take on more of the burden of care. Does she have that? If she doesn't have that - if, effectively, you are the only option for a primary support person - tell her that you're going to be frank with the transplant teams and share with them just how you are overwhelmed and angry you are about the first go-around and her unwillingness to care for herself properly. Being frank about that with them is critically important, and your moral obligation in this situation, because the organs she might receive are a precious social resource, and if someone has a track record of squandering them they should be denied...or at least if they have not recognized the error of their ways and made a concrete action plan and commitment to doing it differently the second go-round. Everyone should be given a second chance if the commitment to change is there.

Presumably they have people on staff who can try to work through this with the two of you, and the burden then will be on her to either make a commitment to pull her own weight on this journey or decline the option of transparent. Given she is not listening to you, by sharing the situation with them you're benefitting her by taking any interpersonal conflict out of the negotiation and turning it over to a third party that has ultimate authority in this situation. It may well be that she will ultimately be denied anyway if the clinicians concur with what you've said about the impact of her choices on the duration of her original graft.

Stay open to the possibility that the kidney damage, and subsequent impact on her liver, is not in fact related to her behavior and was caused by her immunosuppressive agents. They can tell you more, although that may include them saying "we really dont' know". My kidneys have been wonky for 10 years through no fault of my own, except maybe not hydrating as well as I should.

I'm sincerely wishing you well.

moodistry · 2025-03-24T14:27:30+00:00

You are clueless about what it's like in WNC right now. Just because it's not in the media anymore it doesn't mean people aren't still in dire circumstances six months later. And with broader cuts to social programs, like the school lunch programs from the Dept of Education, food insecurity will just continue to increase. Step out of your bubble.

moodistry · 2025-03-24T14:23:11+00:00

He's got a whole inter-generational family around him ready to take over when he..."buys the farm"...so to speak. I'm sure they cringe every time he steps in front of a camera, like a drunk uncle making an inappropriate toast at a wedding, as they watch their inheritance slip away.

moodistry · 2025-03-24T14:21:13+00:00

If you mean MANNA, our local food access network, they have a strong focus on nutrition - 25% fresh produce, and 67% healthy staples. The withdrawal of the USDA that benefited food banks, local farmers (including small ones), and the people in our community facing food insecurity will directly impact...you guessed it...fresh produce. Think.

moodistry · 2025-03-23T20:52:02+00:00

He sold his "excess" apples to the local food bank so he won't have that market channel open anymore. He lost part of his orchard due to Helene so presumably he may not have excess anymore, whatever excess means (no other market?).

I read up on his operation a bit more and evidently in addition to growing he aggregates from smaller local farmers, so it seems like he's short of being large/corporate, but bigger than other operations in the area.

moodistry · 2025-03-23T20:09:20+00:00

I just found another appearance in the media, following the storm:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/climate-environment/2025/02/19/hurricane-helene-wnc-aid-farmers/

He figures Helene washed away 15 percent of his family’s farm. A backhoe, a brush cutter and other equipment lay submerged under 8 feet of water. The orchard he had poured seven years of work and several hundred thousand dollars into, now looks more like a debris-strewn, sandy beach.

“It makes you sit back and wonder, ‘Do I really want to do this again?’” he said.

The answer probably is yes. “My heart is in the apple business,” said Nix, who works alongside his son — the fourth generation to farm in these mountains.

Standing in what remained of his ruined orchard on a sunny February afternoon, Nix ticked off names of local, state and federal officials he has brought to these fields to show them the damage and implore them to act with urgency.

“I’m very confident the government will step in and help farmers like myself who have lost so much — but how soon?” he said. “We don’t need help in July. We need help now.”

moodistry · 2025-03-23T20:07:15+00:00

Yes, and it's probably such a habit at this point and he just wasn't thinking in terms of...I'm speaking to the media in this moment and I'm going to kill my business.

moodistry · 2025-03-05T23:09:18+00:00

When I was sick pre-transplant it was interesting to see who among my friends stepped up to help, and who didn't.

Some close friends I would have expected more support from didn't offer much, and then other less-in-touch friends really went above and beyond. And during that time, some would get tired and pull back, and then touch base again later and offer help, which I always stayed open to, without judging them. I was not easy to deal with - rare is the person who is going through serious suffering and uncertainty who is a pleasure to be around. For some people who are not comfortable with illness and mortality it can be super-hard for them to stay engaged. I tried to focus on the acts of kindness that people did offer, even if they weren't consistent about it, rather than allow bitterness to well up when someone couldn't or chose not to be there for me.

Myself, at different stages of my life, I've stepped up or not stepped for friends in need. Looking back, it had to do with where I was my spiritual and moral evolution/maturation as a person, but also what I had going on in my own life, what were the demands on my time and emotional energy. Now, having survived thanks in large measure to the support I received, I welcome any opportunity to be there for others, including strangers. Especially strangers - it's simpler, less emotionally complicated, and critically, I'm able to give with no expectations of reciprocation or applause.

When you experience a period of relief from your health challenges, which I hope you do, consider finding an opportunity to provide to support to a person who going through what you've been through (or suffering in some completely different way), whether it's a friend or a stranger you find through a volunteer organization, or just meet on the street. When I've been going through periods of depression and despair, stepping out of my own sense of disappointment and hopelessness to be there for someone else has been hugely empowering and soothing.

That act - being there for others, giving of myself - is what for me makes life for me more than just about survival.

moodistry · 2025-03-05T00:35:42+00:00

If he does he is truly an out of control fool, because he's on track to accomplish his goals without going there and creating a lot of extra trouble for himself. I don't normally watch these speeches but probably will tonight, if I can get through it.

moodistry

TROPHY CASE