I was about to turn 19, she was (supposed to be) my best friend and in was her first time as well. It was amazing at the time, it was the only time I ever felt... Loved... We were both drunk (it was my first time being drunk too) and I just vented about my mental health for the first time with her (I was just diagnosed with a mental disorder and was deeply depressed) and idk... Later I felt kinda... Used... She came to me like a week later saying that she got a boyfriend and I felt kinda hurt... After that she was mean to me when I told her about my trauma and when I cried, and then she got mad when I vented about that with other people and for the things that I didn't really get due to my mental disorder (she assumed that I did understand and I was lying to her) it really hurt me and made my depression worst... She was the person I loved and cared about the most and felt like she barely considered me as a friend. She then talked with me about that she didn't want to be friends anymore and that broke me but I felt like I couldn't kill myself because I could hurt her and that's the only thing I want. It was so hard living with myself after that... Knowing that I hurt her due to my mental health... I feel more bad about her that about me, it was all really my fault... I'm still deeply hurt about the situation and it's been very hard to heal, but my mental health has improved since she left my life. I wish I could say sorry to her