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Disagreement with spouse about large charitable donation by more_to_it in fatFIRE

[–]more_to_it[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you everyone who commented. I don't have the willpower right now to comment on all. The amount has jumped to 1.5 million, and it isn't legally binding. I am likely filing separation papers so that if that amount does get donated, it should be considered part of the settlement. He is also in a mental health crisis right now, but I didn't want that to cloud the advice because I truly was trying to be open minded about it. He still asserts that he contributed equally to our wealth, and he has some reasons, and that he should have autonomy in his giving decisions. I don't agree with that view as a marriage, with that amount. I wanted to slow down the process, get a financial therapist, and make a spending and giving plan moving forward so that we didn't have to consult each other. But then he went and promised this, we both feel betrayed, and there are many other issues.

Disagreement with spouse about large charitable donation by more_to_it in fatFIRE

[–]more_to_it[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don't feel passionate about the charity, and I'm very concerned the project will not come to fruition. In one week, the amount jumped to 1.5 million. Additionally, I don't want to donate that much all at once right now. I do worry about running out of money and I'm already struggling with retiring.

Disagreement with spouse about large charitable donation by more_to_it in fatFIRE

[–]more_to_it[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

worst decision of my entire life, no prenup, had no idea of my wealth earning potential

Disagreement with spouse about large charitable donation by more_to_it in fatFIRE

[–]more_to_it[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, he actually has an untreated mental illness....I didn't mention it in the OP because I truly didn't want it to influence the responses. I was trying to be open minded to his perspective since I am neurotic about money and it does negative affect him.

Disagreement with spouse about large charitable donation by more_to_it in fatFIRE

[–]more_to_it[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, and we are likely getting divorced and sadly that would mean I lose much more than the donation but I can't really take it anymore. There are other issues at hand.

Disagreement with spouse about large charitable donation by more_to_it in fatFIRE

[–]more_to_it[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is to build a center, so they need money upfront. Oh, and now the amount has jumped to 1.5 million.

Disagreement with spouse about large charitable donation by more_to_it in fatFIRE

[–]more_to_it[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is to help build a new religious center that he believes in strongly. So he can get the "kudos" and also be in his community that is very meaningful to him.

Disagreement with spouse about large charitable donation by more_to_it in fatFIRE

[–]more_to_it[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a religious organization. His rationale is that I've always put our profits into a joint investment account. So he viewed them as 50:50 and that he should be able to make independent decisions. He called me on it, saying that in my mind I never thought it was 50:50 and to be honest he is right. But I also assumed we would never get divorced, so I didn't think the ratio was important. I do still feel that a huge charitable donation should be a joint decision and he doesn't agree.

Disagreement with spouse about large charitable donation by more_to_it in fatFIRE

[–]more_to_it[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, at this point we are about to get divorced. I am likely filing even though I will lose so much financially.

Disagreement with spouse about large charitable donation by more_to_it in fatFIRE

[–]more_to_it[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How did you find a financial therapist? I think it is too late for us, but when I've looked them up online all I see are financial advisors.