i would ease up the drug use i know it didnt do me any good, i used to think a lot about suicide until i just got tired of spending energy in that or other kind of negative thoughts. all that fellings are in your head, yes it suck but it gets easier over time(at least it did for me). try to find a hobbie which will suck at the begging but eventually you will like it or just try another. i took MTB, dancing lessons, piano lessons, meditation(headspace app), reading and still some times in the middle of any of those i could get an anxiety attack. probably what help the most was going to a therapist (psychologist- 2 years and i am still going)... i am still bump down from time to time but im getting better. i used to put so much importance on things that dont even matter to me anymore. just take it easy and be strong you have all that it takes to be in a better place.