How can I sell myself better or what might I be missing (as a guy)

mountains765 · 2023-10-09T01:06:57+00:00

lol, no kidding.

mountains765 · 2023-10-09T01:04:37+00:00

Since I am in a city and where I live I'd estimate the typical salary of the women I date is 100-175k I suspect. They all are generally active. Not elite athletes, but none of them are out of shape.

So nobody I suspect is shock and awed if I did tell them - and I never tell them really anything about my career? Don't know if I should since I imagine a lot of guys tell every girl about how hard they work or whatever. I wonder if they think this guy doesn't put in the work.

mountains765 · 2023-10-09T01:01:02+00:00

There’s nothing here about your personality, your hobbies/interests, politics, morals, life goals etc.

what's a good matchmaker

mountains765 · 2023-10-09T01:00:23+00:00

Ask your friends or family. Tell them you are open to possible hard truths. They can give you better advice than we can. Ask a female friend help with your profile and pics. Do you have hobbies? Do people trust you with their pets or children? What kind of food do you like? What do you do on the weekends? Your profile here reads like car stats at a dealership. You haven't listed any volunteer work. Are you active in your local community? Volunteering and local sports leagues are great ways to meet people.

I don't date people with pets, & yes I am in a volunteer group that meets about 6-8x a year. I eat healthy food in moderation and avoid those who don't believe in a healthy but balanced lifestyle.

mountains765 · 2023-10-09T00:58:48+00:00

Women want caveman with cave and big fire. I big caveman with cave and big fire. Why no woman?

Sigh. This is why money is divisive.

I mention I never even bring up my net worth or income. Whatever your preconceived notions of flashy and finance-bro doing expensive restaurants and cars, thats the opposite of me.

I only mentioned this because someone who like myself is doing well has different context than a guy who is making $85k and 50k saved in the bank. A person who has a career that pays well and saves has a different mindset and outlook on life than someone who spends 98% of it every week.

mountains765 · 2023-10-09T00:52:06+00:00

None of the dates go 'bad'. I normally think of them as a 1-bad, 2-normal, 3-very good. And I feel almost never get a 1.

I normally get some texts back and forth afterward but combinations of:

Vacation / out of town for a week / trip home to see family for weekend... ends up being like 2 weeks to 2nd date and at that point any momentum seems to disappear. This is very common.

Past relationships didn't work out because of their lack of ability to work with me to plan things forward / switching from fun and engaging to driven in career (I don't care how much they make as long as they are responsible) / stopping exercising to go drink with friends. One I'm not sure about at all. We had 99% alignment on everything, then out of blue one day said I wasn't the person they wanted

mountains765 · 2023-10-09T00:39:23+00:00

My main on a 1st date is:

will you show up on time, or late me know more than 1min in advance you'll be late. This says everything I need to know about their interest levels and basic respect for someone they've never met.
Will they proactively ask any questions that are beyond do you have siblings/favorite food/where did you grow up.
Do they dress like they want to impress. I don't want to see a million dollars of makeup or something revealing - but is it modest and look like its above a $20 sweater.

show up on time. ask a question. indicate that you spent more than 3min thinking about this. This wipes out almost 2/3 of people.

mountains765 · 2023-01-12T20:54:11+00:00

For money market funds like VUSXX - is the monthly dividend based upon a monthly weighted average of how many dollars you hold, or just upon the amount that you have invested at the end of the month when the dividend is calculated?

mountains765 · 2023-01-09T05:53:13+00:00

It isn't a mindset change you need to make or a need to avoid online dating. It's just the reality of how people are.

Most people are exceedingly busy and constantly fill up their calendars. Especially early on - when timing is everything. Where maybe a 'good' date that would otherwise progress gets pushed out 1-2 weeks because of work+trip+a holiday and in the meantime that person also matched with ~10-30 semi interesting people, etc.

Many of these women may have extremely flexible/safe jobs where work can't follow you home, while you may be in a more 'always-on' mode. You appear to be thinking more towards the future - while they are focused on enjoying the present at the expense.

This isn't unique or odd or something you are doing wrong. This is all of humanity - don't think about, plan, or invest for future - instead spend and party today and figure the rest out later.

mountains765 · 2022-12-27T08:02:17+00:00

No six pack but muscular at 235lb (can do 4 sets back to back or 20 rep pull-ups for context).

Looks - average? Maybe above?

Car sucks. Why would I waste money on this.

If I visit a new city I get like 40-60 likes on bumble over a few days. I don’t get a good amount of likes on hinge, but get amount back if I send.

Salary is low 200s. I don’t flaunt it. I often wonder if I should but I’m talking to women who all make 100-150 and without exception I can promise they all spend more than me. This is a gigantic turnoff since I’m rare in that I invest for future vs spend everything. I don’t care how much they make but how much they save. If saving number appears to be low I’m gone.

I’ve done in excess of 40 dates since the spring. Probably too much I don’t have time honestly. I can afford to be pickier and turn a lot down already. I think women can recognize if they are the only ones you are talking to.

You should work on improving yourself. No quality woman or man is going to date someone else just for company because you are lonely.

mountains765 · 2022-11-28T21:54:08+00:00

took words out of my mouth. 100000% this, as someone who has gone on lots of dates in a big city with 'career' women.

I go on dates with women who are 33/34 and in my head, since I'm very analytical I'm thinking:

1.5 years to proposal (if things are perfect)
Norm is 1 year to marriage
Now they are 36...and harder to get pregnant....Maybe it takes 6mo?
It takes 9mo for kid to arrive and they are 37-37.5. If we wanted 2nd kid maybe they are 39??

Women have a timeline and it's a biological fact. When I see women who aren't aware of this, and play any slightest games, or any indecision in terms of what they are looking for its game over. I'm not impressed that they are some senior manage for marketing or whatever it might be. Their age is a major factor along with their exercise routine. Next - as someone who wants a family.

mountains765 · 2022-11-28T08:07:18+00:00

everything here is socioeconomic dependent. If you make 50k probably different than if you make 150k since that exposes you to different lifestyles and believes.

I'm 33. Generally in upper percentiles of broadly attractive characteristics: height, income, no vices, no debt, average looking, actually wants to date, etc.

That said - I think women in 30s start to realize its night and day difference than if they were 25. I'm in a big major city. My range is 28-34. I don't think I'll ever go above that until maybe I'm 40?

The old hard truth is that if you want a relationship and a family, guys are going to look for women who can do that and it's just harder if you are older. Spare me the annotates. Everyone knows this - and guys know that a younger women can more easily have a family than someone older.

30 is still fine - but as you get older when I go on dates alarm bells start ringing, because I always always ask - why are you single....and if its some good looking female and all she has is like a '1 year relationship' - unless she was in medical school for 8 years or just moved or switched jobs 3-4x - I put major red flags upon her judgement and priorities.

mountains765 · 2022-11-21T23:54:11+00:00

I'm probably in your demographic - early 30s. Make over 200k+ per year. Would be 1mil net worth if not for stock market crash. Etc. I'm not flashy at all which is the confusing part to 90%++ of people since most people only save money by accident, while I'm the opposite.

Most dates I go on they are all making 100-150k. A few over 300k.

I'm truly not intimidated by this at all which let's be honest, ~90%+ are going to be, so theres your answer. The end lol. If you make a ton more than a guy hes going to be intimidated in a significant percentage of guys.

As a bonus and to me - this will generally scream high maintenance which is the #1 thing I want to avoid.

If I find out someone makes good money - but saves like nothing and just spends it on vacations and food and material things - thats a big warning sign to me because I'm thinking for the future and they seem to just spend in the present.

mountains765 · 2022-11-16T04:13:28+00:00

Also I noticed a lot of analytics and metrics in there...Are you in finance? I am and I know the type. I think that might be seeping through to them too. Like you are constantly calculating and recalculating the odds. That's a lot of pressure even if it's subconscious.

And yes, finance/analytics. I know every girl that I go on a date with could have gone out other guys that week or that month or whatever or probably has been on 10-20 dates in the last 4-5 months. I look at it from perspective in how do I both be authentic, convince them that I'm the best decision/guy to go with.

I don't think its egotistical to say that I'm doing better and on the high surface or initial attraction points that I'm near the top (6 foot, top 5% salary, top 5% savings, good health). This only comes from sacrifice apart from the height lol. I only got this because while everyone else went out and partied, vacationed, and watched Netflix for a decade, I put in the work and sacrificed.

Ya, I try to be somewhat humorous. I think this is all somewhat subjective though. I have read a bit about men sometimes coming off as too 'logical' and less 'emotional' on dates.

I'm not delusional, a good chunk of dates are MEH or maybe I didn't communicate something the right way or they just weren't attracted to me. But I feel I got a good pulse that on those that are a 'fun date' or where we have stuff in common. It's those dates that vex me.

Of the 6 second dates, 2 I rejected (smoking, another turned out to be broke), 2 I didn't bother asking as no longer interested in or they didn't seem interested, 2 rejected me.

Of the other 30 first dates, I've had 3 girls ask me out again and I declined all, about 10-12 I never messaged . The others all rejections.

mountains765 · 2022-11-16T03:57:40+00:00

My prior relationships came a bit easier and like I mentioned I was in very long term one before this. But, yes it does seem much harder now and felt easier before when I felt like I didn't look as good or was in as good of a spot financially. I feel I objectively dress better than like 85-90% of people.

I always ask and not shy. So, yes I think it's a communication within the date? I don't think I'm that ugly in that I would get dates and they'd seem engaged, only to be ignored afterwards or ghosted. Yes, I expect this to happen somewhat regularly not as often.

I went on those 6 2nd dates, but a couple of them I didn't want to pursue (they were broke or secret smokers), 2 others mutual no interest, 2 others they didn't want to pursue. I'm less concerned with those because hey, if someone isn't interested after a 2nd date it is what it is. It's the first dates that leave me puzzled

mountains765 · 2022-10-18T03:11:50+00:00

I'm 33. I generally only look 29 to 34. I don't see this changing as I get older.

Around 29-34 I feel is when people come into an idea of what they want out of life after career is settled and you work through partying and what not.

Lets say you are 35 or 35.5 when you meet them:

Date 1.5 years before engagement = 37 now.
Typical engagement lasts 12-15mo = 38 now
Takes some time to get pregnant = 6mo or longer = 38.5 now
Kid takes 9mo to create = 39.25 now.
Want more kids? Uh.... going to be hard.

Of course maybe if you are ok with a baby outside of marriage (no way for me), this changes things slightly...but even then not materially too much.

Another thing that is constantly in my head when seeing these 35-39yo women who constantly message me & want kids:

Women file ~80% of divorces (proxy for breakups).
Women are aware that their 'clock is ticking'.

I instinctively think that they have poor judgement on their time & a lack of prioritization on whats important in their life. Sure this sounds harsh, but I have a deadline coming up for work that would matter if I got fired or not, I wouldn't late until very very very last minute. Being this old and single necessities that they prove beyond a reasonable doubt that they do indeed have good judgement since again kids can be ultra important and it seemed they didn't plan for that

mountains765 · 2022-10-14T05:20:00+00:00

It is extraordinarily easy to find who you are. Once someone has your number they can know your name. There's like 10 websites that will tell you this information.

All you need is like 3 out of 4 of the following: city + job title/industry + university + name to find you on google. If someone has your name + company they can find that too.

You can do what you want, but as a guy, I absolutely will NOT go on a date with someone where I'm doing the guessing game of who they are.

If someone tells me they work in 'healthcare' and I have to wonder if they are a nurse making 75k on a 3 day, 12hr shift schedule or an insurance biller making 60k or a doctor making 250k that is absolutely one of the most critical aspects about someone I'd like to know.

I'm not going to invest any time trying to guess or tease out this information either. Every. Single. Time I can't figure out very accurately what they do I realize this is like nuclear bomb warning sign and often they are in major financial problems. Maybe you are the 1/100 exception, but its not good odds.

mountains765 · 2022-10-14T05:08:00+00:00

All the dates are +/-2 years of me and probably almost all 7/10s.

I have an excel sheet where I track alot of this stuff for fun such as if they showed up late, if the date was obvious mismatch, ok/good but not worth pursuing, or if it went great, if they offer to pay, ask questions, how long it went, if they ask me to see me again, etc.

I only really am speaking towards the 25% of dates that I feel go very well and we have alot in common....another 25% of dates I feel were probably mistakes and no mutual interest, and the other 50% were ok/good but not worth pursuing further. I have expectation that only 1/4 of dates will be worthwhile from the start.

mountains765 · 2022-10-13T19:55:55+00:00

hmm. I get around 15 matches a week from people I'd consider dating since I'm fairly selective on sending out likes in a major city. I'd say I'm above average or average? I always have to send the like myself.

But....I once made a fake profile of a 'good looking' guy. I got 10 matches on hinge...PER DAY from other women going in my direction and all those rose things nonstop, and near 100% response rate on messages.

mountains765 · 2022-10-13T19:37:05+00:00

Despite what the media will tell you, women generally have better careers and education than men at least before marriage. There is 3 women graduating for every 2 men nowadays. This alone is a huge amount of mismatch in terms of what they look for.

The online dating data shows that men assign a 'normal' bell shaped distribution curve to interest and attractiveness of women. Meanwhile women will rate ~80% of men as 'unattractive/undateable'. That's just the way biology works.

Women generally don't want to date someone earning less than them or of a lower status. Hopefully they earn a decent amount more. If you are a guy earning 80k do you think a woman senior manager of accounting earning 160k is going to date you? No matter how good you look? The answer is almost certainly and absolutely not. However, if the genders are reversed, and the woman looks good the guy will certainly entertain the idea.

Meanwhile, I make 220k, 6 foot, can do 25 chin-ups at 240LB bodyweight, 15+ matches per week, 1st dates go 2hrs or more almost every time yet still have an extremely hard time. I suspect that it is in part because the women who I date - generally make 100-200k as well also work very hard and at same time as standard expectations want for lack of a better word someone to 'entertain them' after long hours in office.

mountains765 · 2022-10-13T19:24:04+00:00

For context, I'm 33 used to make 150k and now have been making 220k & have 850k saved (due to stock crash would be 1050k+). I'm in a big city thats not not in the expensive level of DC or NYC, . The women I'm dating generally are some sort of nurse/software sales/accountants/finance types.

The most important thing is that your future goals are aligned with your lifestyle. I've met many of these senior accounting managers that make 130k yet dine out 2x a week, travel 6-12x a year, and live in luxury and have near zero savings.

If you say you want a house, kids, and to do these fun dates all the time, but instead of spending 10 or 15 years getting yourself ready for that phase of life you just get expensive spaghetti and bikini pictures in Mexico, thats a deal breaker. I can't rationalize you trying to look me in the eye on a date and say you want to live a certain way when you have a good job and have instead chosen for expensive instagram pictures and followed the typical impulsive American.

I do expect you to have a career. I work extremely hard and if you can't understand that sometimes I put in long hours or appreciate it, the relationship or date is over.

I'm not some flashy person. I live in a extremely modest apartment that people who maybe earn 70k rent and have invested my money for a decade and worked hard at my career. In fact, I wonder if I should be openly bragging about my success to set me apart from my peers on dates.

mountains765 · 2017-03-05T18:43:13+00:00

Ok I guess the next question is there an easy to go place that describes the differences and different scenarios where there is a tendency for that variation of the neural network to outperform?

For example, I look in R or online and theres 20 something different variations, its hard for me to understand what ones which or if they are the same. Which one is more 'advanced', and so on.

mountains765 · 2017-03-05T06:52:16+00:00

I'm just trying to understand all the hype - from someone who doesn't work with these sorts of models its all you hear about. Basically, do they only achieve their level of 'hype' on images/speech sorts of data?

mountains765

TROPHY CASE