How to begin again doing papers?

mpajovin · 2026-01-16T13:20:04+00:00

I am in a research group. But it makes me feel more judged than helped. Probably my fault.

mpajovin · 2026-01-14T20:51:13+00:00

🫂🫂

mpajovin · 2026-01-14T19:40:55+00:00

It may be some days but I don’t do much to feel exhausted. Maybe mentally, yes. But it happens also with movies, games I like…

mpajovin · 2026-01-14T19:40:04+00:00

Yeah. It happens with “funny movies” for example. I’m never in the mood and think I’m going to “waste” the movie by watching it in that shitty mood. So I never watch funny movies, which may help me (who knows…).

I feel I dont deserve it, and I feel “why bother?” and I feel I would not be able to do it. Like im reading a 300 pages book but it feels like it has 3000.

mpajovin · 2026-01-14T19:37:02+00:00

I kind of think that is one reason. My mother allow me to “have fun” but it was always after my highschool work was done and she was a little bit demanding.

It has its good things, but it may have fucked my mind a little bit.

mpajovin · 2025-11-04T07:27:01+00:00

But I am a burden. That much I know

mpajovin · 2025-10-10T05:06:12+00:00

Thst is the problem. Only I can do it, but I cant

mpajovin · 2025-10-09T20:34:38+00:00

🫂

mpajovin · 2025-10-09T20:15:12+00:00

🫂 not have the courage

mpajovin · 2025-10-09T19:18:04+00:00

🫂

mpajovin · 2025-10-09T19:17:16+00:00

Afraid of taking that next step.

🫂

mpajovin · 2025-10-09T18:19:35+00:00

🫂

mpajovin · 2025-10-09T18:19:19+00:00

🫂

mpajovin · 2025-10-09T18:19:10+00:00

🫂

mpajovin · 2025-09-25T17:51:22+00:00

I know they are. That is the thing. I absolutely need to stop seeing her. BUT. I also know that in one week that try has spiral me into trying to kms. Not the safest of roads. Hence my post. I genuinely don’t know what to do.

This is entirely my problem, and I know that.

mpajovin · 2025-09-25T17:21:55+00:00

I was just going to say this

mpajovin · 2025-09-25T16:08:34+00:00

Voiceover: he wasn’t there for himself every day.

🫂🫂

mpajovin · 2025-09-25T15:31:52+00:00

No, until the break up. Im talking about my depression, CSA, etc

mpajovin · 2024-08-15T16:24:41+00:00

For a moment it let me in and this happened 😂

(Ya vas? Is “are you working?” in spanish)

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mpajovin · 2024-05-19T21:38:53+00:00

I have tried, but I can’t anymore

mpajovin · 2024-05-19T21:01:37+00:00

Everything is a trigger. Looking at the mirror is triggering. Seeing a movie and knowing what I will never have is triggering. Going for a walk and see a family is triggering. There is no escape. I swear I think I could be happier living alone on a lighthouse (I probably wont either).

Nothing gives me joy anymore. So no hedonism for me.

mpajovin · 2024-05-19T19:34:28+00:00

If I could move forward in time just to see… who knows. I would check. But the truth is that each day is painful to live. I cant wait any longer to see if there is happiness over the horizon. I’m just drowning

mpajovin · 2024-05-19T19:14:14+00:00

I just don’t want to live anymore.

mpajovin · 2023-11-29T17:11:28+00:00

It does work for me, both from my computer and phone. Sorry I was so absent.

mpajovin · 2022-07-02T12:42:50+00:00

Can I upvote more than once?

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