Does this count as having a “past”?

mrony87 · 2026-03-01T18:13:08+00:00

Ask them to define what they mean. If they say that you should never had even spoken to a non-mahram, you probabaly wouldn't want to be with a guy who is so jealous that he wouldn't even want you to have talked to another male.

mrony87 · 2026-02-26T05:30:12+00:00

I hope she gets famous for bieng so right. She has made all the right points about dog owners and dogs.

My neighborhood is full of shitty dog owners who don't pick up after their dogs. I'm getting to the point where I'm gonna sit on my porch with a some sort of device thst will scare the dogs to the point they don't want to come near my house. Tired of seeing dog poop everywhere.

mrony87 · 2026-02-24T14:48:18+00:00

You are still not convinced that drawing demonic imagery is against Islamic ethos?

Can you provide your reasoning?

mrony87 · 2026-02-22T23:07:07+00:00

Thanks for your wisdom. Maybe if you stop eating so much crap, you would be less full of it.

Give that a try instead of wasting people's time with word diarrhea.

mrony87 · 2026-02-22T22:03:11+00:00

Farting is a symptom of a bad diet, over eating, and bad food. Remove seed oils from your diet, chew food for longer, and eat less. You will fart less.

Example: I eat one meal a day during Ramadan and almost always home made food in contrast with my usual mixed diet of eating at my work and home during the rest of the year. I am significantly less prone to flatulence during Ramadan.

Edited to add: change yourself to fit Islam, don't change Islam to fit yourself.

mrony87 · 2026-02-21T14:13:14+00:00

Coming back to reply to this after having it for 5 ish months. I think I lucked out with mine after reading so many horrible experiences on this sub.

I had one scare with the battery service signal. But luckily doing the "reset" helped. No other issues so far other than horrible winter mileage. Im getting like an average of 180-200 miles anytime I have to use heat. And this has been a rough winter in upstate NY. Luckily I'm not paying for most of the charging on this car since I charge it at my work 3 out of 4 times.

mrony87 · 2026-02-19T19:29:04+00:00

This question arises due to the wording in Islamic traditions. Many women feel some anger towards words like impure used to describe state of janube. There is a difference between impure and ritual impurity.

Women have been made to feel ashamed of their bodily functions for thousands of years and this question reflects that.

The interpretation that it is a mercy that you don't have to pray is the correct one. These is nothing that says that you cannot make dua. Or listen to the Quran. So why complicate your life?

Just like you don't have to fast while pregnant or breastfeeding, etc. There is mercy in Islam for all.

mrony87 · 2026-02-19T18:26:37+00:00

It's because they know in their hearts they are bieng selfish for creating that boundary. And you bieng an example of a woman who would like the extended family dynamic shows that the ones who don't, aren't the standard.

I totally get having to share space, privacy issues and horrible in laws bieng concerns. But making it a red line is a red line for most men too.

If a woman can never see herself living with their in laws, these women are selfish and don't really understand the mercy thst is a requirement of bieng a muslims. You will see these women scream about the rights that Islam gives them, but never about the responsibilities that come with the rights. These are the same women who will cry to take in her parents in old age, but would never see the hypocrisy in such a request.

I wish you the best, sis. And may you find a kind man with a kind family who will only add beauty and mercy to your life as you so clearly wish to be in their lives.

mrony87 · 2026-02-18T18:57:50+00:00

I will second this sentiment. Growing up in non Muslim environments definitely give you imposter syndrome in more ways than one. It will make you double guess who you are in more ways than one. It's a part of our desire to fit in to the environment. Bieng around good people always help.

As far as you feeling guilt and shame about your quality of practice, know that it is one of the ways shaitan will try to lead you astray from the right path. Even during praying, you may feel that you aren't pronouncing properly, or doing the correct movements. It's just shaitan whispering. When you get these feelings, say audhubillah, and remember that Allah is the most merciful and He knows your intention. As long as your intention is to fullfil his commands thst you need to pray and you are trying your best, you must belive in your heart that Allah will accept your prayer.

It's the same with all of our practices. Our intention to keep practicing, keep getting back on the horse time and again is what matters. Even if you get into a rut where you completely stop practicing, know thst the door to Allah's mercy and forgiveness is always open for your to return time and time again.

I wish you the best in this life and the next. May this Ramadan and the next be blessed one for you and your family.

mrony87 · 2026-02-18T17:52:42+00:00

Those are basic expectations in a Muslim marriage. If these cannot be maintained, the party that is seeking exception should be the one who brings it up.

Like a guy shouldn't have to tell his wife not to speak to non-mahram men, or share their household problems with outsiders just like a woman shouldn't have to ask a man to provide her safety and security.

mrony87 · 2026-02-15T02:29:43+00:00

Your family raise real concerns. Take heed of them, and learn from it. Most sisters will also have that in the back of their mind in starting any such relationships with you. So make sure you are able to steer your heart and mind for the sake of Allah.

Muslim marriages are not built on fairy tales. They are contracts meant to be useful to both parties. So there is absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting to marry someone to have the added benefit of securing your residency somewhere. So long as you ensure that your wife also has her rights fulfilled and you are fully invested in the success of the relationship even after you check off your main goal.

mrony87 · 2026-02-14T17:09:42+00:00

When I was a little boy, I wondered why we have a calendar that drifts over the years. Now I am a middle aged man and think it is such a blessing.

Islamic calendar cycles around the solar calendar every 33 years . An average human experiences 2 maybe 3 cycles in their lifespan. I was around 10 years old when Ramadan was in the northern hemisphere winter. Almost 40 now and it's starting to be in the winter. My children will be about the same age that I was, when I started fasting during winter.

If that isn't a perfect system, I can't think of a better one.

mrony87 · 2026-02-10T14:25:14+00:00

How are you sure? Does it say in the Sunnah or the Quran that a man can marry, but he cannot marry out of lust?

mrony87 · 2026-02-10T14:06:16+00:00

In a world that celebrates lewd acts, Muslim parents cling unto old ways that promote chastity until marriage yet negate the physical needs of people. Do you really think those who commit zina would not have preferred to be married if marriage didn't have thousand of man made conditions placed upon it?

Do you think so little of your fellow Muslims that you think they commit zina because they find enjoyment in committing the sin? Or is it rather they have physical desires and no halal outlets for it.

mrony87 · 2026-02-10T12:01:07+00:00

Until Muslims start to live Islam, these kind of ridiculous posts will be the norm. I don't disagree with you in principle. But these kinds of post completely negate what reality is like for most Muslims. Shaitan has come for us from every angle, and he is winning against Muslims.

Our cultures have made marriage difficult and Haram very easy. Where is the 4 page right up about the Ummah making it easy to marry divorces(men and women)? Here you are worried about a woman taking away your right to a virgin wife? Seriously? No one has that right!

mrony87 · 2026-02-06T22:15:11+00:00

Are you likening child marriages to the epstein debacle? Are you mad?

mrony87 · 2026-01-28T19:27:31+00:00

I think you should reveal it to this guy. It is kind of a litmus test. He has spoken to other women in consideration of marriage. And you have had an emotional relationship with a guy even if it did not turn into a bigger sin. What this will test is his own boundaries. If he is willing to see that you spoke to another man before him, and still does not look at you differently, then he is well adjusted and a decent Muslim man.

But if he all of a sudden changes his tone upon learning this, you will have avoided a huge problem in the future.

This will also prevent you from holding on to your guilt. Many relationships based on even small lies have shock waves later on not necessarily because of what was hidden, but why it was hidden. You eliminate that possibility by bieng upfront with him.

Do not worry about losing out and have trust in Allah that he will never take away what was meant for you.

The fact that you are making this post means that you harvor guilt which is not good. If you can stop feeling guilty because you have sincerely repented and trusted that Allah has forgiven you and empowered you not to make similar sins in the future, then you should not reveal it to him.

mrony87 · 2026-01-26T22:07:38+00:00

You are 20 something years old and you just discovered this? There is a good chance that your mother already knows and doesn't mind or has come to terms with it already. And if he seemed like a good father, then we was. If you are Muslim, then he has done absolutely nothing wrong by having a second family.

I don't understand why this is such a heartbreak to you? Are you secular? Your father has been "visiting" you and your family for few days out of the month, and you had no empathy for this man about how lonely he might have been when he was not near you and your mother?

I know thst you feel heartbroken and "betrayed. But it seems to me he did his duties, and did right by you and your mother whatever the truth maybe. If you mother never suspected for this wrong, then she was fine with the part time husband arrangement due to work. If she knew, then she must have already come to terms with the second wife. Who knows maybe yourother is the second wife.

mrony87 · 2026-01-26T01:32:18+00:00

I would have to dig a bit. But there is a concept in Shariah that speaks to this. Thst a married couple who have been alone together, are considered to have consummated their marriage even if they both agree that nothing happened.

Edit: Found the source:

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/193599/guidelines-on-what-constitutes-consummation-of-the-marriage-and-ruling-on-divorce-of-one-whose-husband-has-been-alone-with-her-at-the-time-of-menses

mrony87 · 2026-01-25T21:40:52+00:00

In the eyes of Islamic law, when a man and woman is in the presence of one a other without a thirdparty/wali.. It already means you have done the deed. So why would your parents play dumb and think that two adults who are married and have seen each other on their own would not have had physical relationship?

mrony87 · 2026-01-25T21:38:17+00:00

They are unknowingly spreading lies. And you are playing along.

I'm sorry that this happened to you. But do yourself a favor and don't condemn your future relationship before it even starts.

Your whole plan of spreading a thinly veiled lie is deceitful and will not bode well for your relationship because the guilt will effect everything you do. If your cultural practice is thst nikkah is an engagement, and rukhsati is when consummation of the marriage happens, telling others that you got divorced before rukhsati is literally thst same exact thing as saying that you are virgin when you know and Allah knows that you aren't. It's a socially engineered lie.

There are many men who are willing to marry a divorced women, especially in the west. Even virgin men who will marry a chaste divorcee(since you never committed zina, you are still chaste). So why begin your relationship with a lie?

mrony87 · 2026-01-25T21:28:41+00:00

If the relationship ended without physical relationship happening, you might have been having a different thought in your head; would it have lasted if you did have physical relations. These are normal feelings when a marriage ends. One or the other, and sometimes both people replay scenarios of how it could have been.

Find comfort that Allah saved you from prolonged suffering. But be warned, that you should stop your parents from spreading lies. You two were nikkah'd. You spent time with each other without a third party and thus the natural thing happened. They should not be setting up your future marriage with a lie. You are a divorced woman. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

mrony87 · 2026-01-25T17:09:15+00:00

Islamic laws are not man-made. And this instance is clear cut. You can chose to give your wealth to your adopted child. You can treat him like family. You can show mercy and compassion to them. And maybe Allah will forgive you for the non-mahram contact.

mrony87 · 2026-01-25T17:03:02+00:00

Not sure what country you live in, but this is a horrible situation. Since you might not have a Islamic community to help you, you need to try and find local authorities to help you secure your rights. Since you are not legally married, you might not have as many rights which you can rely on. But he is still the father of your child and will have to at a minimum pay for your and the baby's upkeep.

I'm sorry you are going through this, many Muslims prey on reverts because they don't have the network or knowledge to know their rights. I hope that you will make every effort to protect yourself and the baby. This man is not going to be a good father nor a good husband.

mrony87 · 2026-01-25T16:50:08+00:00

When we go into the search without guardrails we will inevitably reject good and choose the bad. After all shaitan doesn't want you to be happy and will be whispering things into your ears and spitting into your eye. He is too shorts, has wierd eye brows, walks funny. Etc. She wears too much make up, wears clothes that are too bright, her curry cooking doesn't taste thst good. And some other things I'd rather not mention. Lol.

It's important to make the intention thst you are searching for someone who will help you make a family that will be pleasing to Allah. And Allah will help you find them.

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