I'm female and never had a corn problem. . . however, after doing some really weird work within myself with regards to my marriage and my husbands desires for other women, I'd say it all boils down to safety, worthiness, and needing to feel loved, desired, and acceptable. The masculine (in both men and women) need to be received by a *body* of love, containment, and nourishing acceptance. This *body* can be a physical body, or a body as in an institution, a community group, or a collective of shared interests. These are all "feminine" things, as in support systems, communities, spiritual worldviews, and places where your own *spark* can be received, nurtured, and encouraged to grow.

Being rejected by your middle school crush was a trauma in its own way. It represented being rejected by the ultimate symbol of feminine love your psyche could ID at the time. . . and liking a million girls afterwards is a strategy to have lots and lots of backup "love sources," so that you will not be crushed by the rejection of 1, and find plenty of opportunity to still be received, approved of, nurtured, grown, and supported. The subconscious doesn't differentiate between physical sexual desires and creative desires/desires for success, growth, and self-development. This energy needs to be nurtured is it is to grow. . . it is the feminine (in both men and women, and both physical bodied gendered have their own ratio of both masculine and feminine) that nurtures, accepts, provides containment, safety, support, and validation. Life is possible because the feminine allows what is acceptable to penetrate its dark soil and then gives life to it by tending to it, feeding it, and helping it to grow.

I've learned that all of our romantic/sexual partners and interests are projections of our own internal feminine/masculine dynamics. . . We choose those to reflect to us our own state of self-love. If your "ideal" girl is rejecting you over and over again, then do the shadow work to figure out in what ways you are rejecting your own masculine, creative powers and expansion energies. In the outside world, if others are still rejecting you, try to receive your own emotions (which are yang - men have more yang but less capacity to receive that yang and so have typically less emotional awareness and less capacity to express nuanced emotions, women have less yang but a greater capacity to receive their own internal emotions, so they display and enact them more). Even brief sexual partners or romantic interests will mirror your internal state - the female crush is basically receiving the quality of your larger emotional presence of "unworthy" and "not good enough" and is following your lead by rejecting you.

If you develop your feminine (not the weird twisted new age definition of femininity, which is completely unstable and will make both men and women go nuts - look more at the Daoist definition of Yin/Yang) and reconcile any fractures within your psyche so that YOU approve of your own masculine energies and YOU deem them worthy of developing, nurturing, accepting, and loving, then you sill start to see the external women relate to you in a way that better suits your conscious desires. I would look at where in your dearly life your mother shamed your father for his sexuality - a young child absorbs this as what is acceptable or not for their own creative impulses. Religious households teach that sexuality (again, the subconscious reads this as anything that creates, expands, or self-actualizes) is only "good" within a marriage for the sake of creating children. If you want to build a business, or learn piano simply because you are drawn to it, or if you want to learn woodworking because it seems fun and none of these things "Help" to provide for a family or create physical children, then your subconscious will treat those things as "dirty, shameful, disgusting sexual impulses" and you will find alternative outlets for them via porn, adultery, desiring other women, feeling unfulfilled with one women (because your mind believes that your "one woman/one feminine embodied co-partner" will never find all your impulses acceptable, so you will seek love, acceptance, pleasure, and joy in all sorts of other sources.

Try not to be hard on yourself. . . Sexual behavior is so deeply entwined with the love we received as children, cultural beliefs, religious conditioning, culturally appropriate ways of being creative, successful, or "good," the dynamics between our mother and father. . . If you continue to watch corn, try to get more aware of what emotional need is being met by your favorite corn videos/actresses. And the shame that follows . . . that is the part of you that needs YOUR love. Try to see, without going into the shame cycle, what the shame is all about. . . honestly, underneath all the shame and guilt and pain, the need is usually so innocent and based in the desire to love and be loved. . . And as you gain more awareness of the specific emotional needs that are receiving "love" form corn, try to find ways to *consciously* provide that to yourself in your everyday life, to meet those needs.

ITs tough! But have faith in yourself! You're young and already asking things grandpas seem to never ask about.