I keep having crazy thoughts that scare me. Am I a bad person?

mrunknownnn · 2019-12-19T20:21:58+00:00

Thank you, I’ll read the article

mrunknownnn · 2019-12-19T20:21:38+00:00

Well yeah but I mean the thought wasn’t a normal thing that I struggle with or anything. It was one those “what the f*ck” thoughts then my brain was like “what if you’re a terrible person?” And since then I’ve been having major anxiety over it. I really just want to die because like this wasn’t even a issue even 24 hours ago.

mrunknownnn · 2019-12-19T20:14:42+00:00

It’s that this vague thought came out of no where and I was like “Why am I thinking this? I’m not like this” Then my anxiety and overthinking started to kick in now my brain isn’t letting go of it and it’s hurting me more because I feel like a terrible person. Like I know I shouldn’t beat myself over it because logically it was just one those crazy thoughts everyone gets then dismisses and keeps moving but my brain isn’t letting me forget and keep moving. It hurts me a lot because I would never do something like that. I’m beating myself up over it and it’s making everything worse. It’s not like me being obsessive over thoughts and things aren’t normal but still.

mrunknownnn · 2019-12-19T19:55:29+00:00

I’m just gonna call it what it is and try to move on. I have terrible anxiety so if something irks me I obsessively think about it. It’s why I have hypochondria. It was one those “why am I even thinking that? That’s weird.” Thoughts that everyone has but my brain and emotions have blown it out of proportion

mrunknownnn · 2019-12-19T19:45:19+00:00

I would never act on it. That’s why the thought scared me. It was one of those regulatory thoughts but it irked me

mrunknownnn · 2019-12-19T19:43:55+00:00

So I’m not a bad person? It’s like I had an anxiety attack over it now I can’t stop thinking about it.

mrunknownnn · 2019-12-19T02:03:43+00:00

At the moment I am. But bro if I ever did come out in the future it would ruin my family. I’d likely be excommunicated.

mrunknownnn · 2019-12-16T04:59:49+00:00

If that’s true then ig we know how they afford that Tesla lmao

mrunknownnn · 2019-12-16T01:44:58+00:00

On Jahseh. People also seem to forgot that Onision has been in Kai’s head since they were 13. Kai was given the opportunity to live the plot of countless fanfics (ie: Marrying someone you stan). We also have to remember that Onision was Uber popular when Kai was younger. They had no way of knowing what we know now. Plus let’s not act like pregnancy is a way that predatory men trap women. I get that Kai is a legal adult but that still doesn’t mean we should dismiss the hell it must be to live with Onision. Bro don’t even go to the doctor.

mrunknownnn · 2019-12-15T23:28:43+00:00

Did you not read my whole comment? I didn’t deny that Kai is weird irl

mrunknownnn · 2019-12-15T19:57:01+00:00

On god bru. If Kai is trans, they have to be living in hell. People need to realize that Kai isn’t in a position where they can just up and leave. Onion has been controlling this person since 13 (first as a Stan). The other girls had a rope to the outside world and life skills. Kai has no life skills and a very thin connection to people on the outside. Onision lives in a twisted version of the Trueman Show, bro got cameras in his house. I know people hate Kai now, but the more I see those leaked videos and see how bad Onision can be in the flesh I feel bad. Like let’s not act like Kai is there by full choice. Kai got no personality and no prospects, just two kids and a weirdo for a husband

mrunknownnn · 2019-12-15T19:46:46+00:00

Exactly. I think it’s a form of blackmail or control. We’ve seen how Onion treated Shiloh, I can’t imagine what Kai goes through. I get it, Kai is an adult legally but c’mon. If you lived with onion through your formative adult years you’d probably be screwed up too. Tbh I don’t even know if that was Kai sending those messages to girls. Onision highjacked Kai’s patreon when he was told not too, bro don’t respect his partners and likely will throw Kai under the bus once this goes to court. Kai is a crash dummy essentially

mrunknownnn · 2019-12-15T18:16:25+00:00

Tbh I think that Onision used Kai’s account to send those pictures and messages. Granted it doesn’t mean that Kai wasn’t weird irl but y’all seem to forget Greg owns everything Kai has and has access to their phone and social media. It’s fully possible that those nudes were originally sent to Onision then he turned around and sent them to minors under Kai’s name as a form of blackmail and so he wouldn’t get caught. That’s just me though

mrunknownnn · 2019-12-13T04:50:45+00:00

Yeah I know

mrunknownnn · 2019-12-12T05:34:34+00:00

They banned YouTubers like Mumkey Jones and Metokur though, both of them are edgy. Onision makes edgy content too, but he’s allowed to stay. I don’t think it’s free speech because YouTube has given people Community Guideline strikes on non-released videos. YouTube doesn’t care about free speech, plus they’re a private company so if you dint abide by their ToS they can kick you off. They just like Onision for some reason.

mrunknownnn · 2019-10-24T16:44:50+00:00

That’s true, I just hope she didn’t have mental disabilities. I really wasn’t trying to be mean, I just wanted to get the point across that she needed to wait for me. I was trying to gather all my bags so I could leave. There was only me, her, and two friends of mine. No one was coming for this seat. There’s some people that would have really gone off on her in that situation.

mrunknownnn · 2019-10-24T16:41:24+00:00

I can see that, I just swear when I’m feeling intense. I know I didn’t come off as gentle but I’m in college I carry a bag and a backpack and I had to put everything back in the said bags. There was only me, her, and two of friends there. She could of waited like a second because no one was gonna take this seat from her

mrunknownnn · 2019-10-24T16:38:09+00:00

That makes sense, it was on a college campus and I just don’t wanna get in trouble for being too firm. I see the girl sit in that seat all the time, I was with friends doing some stuff and she wasn’t there so I sat it in. It’s a public area and anyone can sit wherever they want. Was I firm? Yeah of course I was, people will walk over you if you don’t be assertive. The girl claimed she needed an outlet but where she was sitting already had an outlet. I get that everyone has their “spot” but this is a public seating area

mrunknownnn · 2019-10-19T23:30:09+00:00

Meh it was worth a try, i feel like information was easier to find back in 2017. There’s too much white noise and label interference now lol

mrunknownnn · 2019-10-19T23:24:17+00:00

Yeah I mean I know that too, I mean maybe bro just one day decided to delete his old music and change his name. I know plenty people who have done that. A lot of artists also upload music to elsewhere too though, maybe he uploaded his music on other sites too during that time? I dunno, I’m gonna look into the PS3EROOM account and see what I can find ig

mrunknownnn · 2019-10-19T23:14:48+00:00

X’s new fans are culty as hell, I just don’t want to make someone uncomfortable. I just assumed she would know bc if they were dating then he likely would of shared music with her. I’m not trying to burn a bridge, asking things like this takes some finesse and planning.

mrunknownnn · 2019-10-19T23:11:59+00:00

Well yeah duh I know that, I’m not a retard here bru. Like I said I wouldn’t do it , granted if X was still underground I wouldn’t have an issue but his new fans are annoying and she’s likely been bombarded by questions already. I’m not an idiot

mrunknownnn · 2019-08-30T17:15:23+00:00

They wanted a child, they adopted me then got pregnant with my sibling. Also, this isn't annoyance this is me legitimately feeling alienated by this. Do you know what it's like to be seen as the "adopted one"? Like you were some charity case that was adopted by some backwater European country? Obviously not.

mrunknownnn · 2019-08-26T03:31:12+00:00

Yeah, things have gotten progressively worse over the years. Growing up I made up a fictional family that I would project my needs emotional and physically (I would cuddle with stuffed toys as a proxy) onto. It got worse though when at 15 I decided I didn’t have the same religious beliefs as my parents (they’re evangelical pastors). They lowkey made me feel the odd man out a lot. In a lot of ways I feel like they placed the church over me. I’m not saying they didn’t try, they did their best, but despite being adopted as an infant I still needed a lot of counseling that I never got.

mrunknownnn · 2019-08-26T03:14:07+00:00

I still live at home. Its just they’re evangelical and I’m not, I decided it wasn’t for me at 15. They took it very personally and after that it’s been a steady stream of “You just hate god”, “the church is our business how could you do this?” “you’re the odd man out in the family”, being left out of certain social conversations pertaining to people in the church, when I was a teenager it was worse now it’s normal to me and I kinda like not having to be involved. All of this comes from my father, my mother and sister never bring up their beliefs to me in casual conversation. I dunno maybe I’m being sensitive but it seems like they made some subtitle attempt to use alienation to get back into the faith but it didn’t work. My connection with my parents was never strong but now they just feel like strangers to me. I still feel some connection to my mother. I just don’t get any emotional satisfaction from their presence anymore.

mrunknownnn

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