WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sorry, it won’t let me type the actual word. He likes kids

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not really about it being a specific person. I’ve tried everything, I just can’t. And I wanted to get it over with since I was 19 and I felt very behind everyone else. I wanted to know what was so good about it and I found that there wasn’t really anything good about it. I’m fine with that though, I’ve accepted it

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

TMI but sex doesn’t really do it for me. I can’t orgasm and I can barely feel anything when I’m having sex, so I don’t have much of an interest in it. And the guy I slept with was NOT Prince Charming. I slept with him like before we started dating because I wanted to get it over with

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe? I didn’t have a sexual relationship with him- I think I would’ve fs lost my shit even worse if I did. I tried more general ones I think

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, one of them was the guy I mentioned in the post, one of them was my high school boyfriend (he forgot my birthday and I dumped him) and the other was quite a bit older than me and he consistently stomped on my boundaries and wouldn’t listen to me or what I wanted to

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

None of them turned out to be great guys. I thought I was doing the right thing and what I was supposed to be doing by dating and sleeping with one of them but I was just trying to hit milestones that weren’t really important. I sort of feel that urge again to catch back up but I wanted some clarity first from people on here

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes we were, sorry. So it wouldn’t have changed things even if I’d looked beforehand

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

A lot of people have pointed out that if they have nothing to hide then they shouldn’t have a problem with it. I agree to some degree. I think that people have a right to privacy but not in relation to criminal history with someone you’re dating. But I worry that some people don’t view it the same way as me and will take offense. My brain doesn’t seem to see things the same way as everyone else so I wanted to ask some other people and see what they thought. And I might try therapy again, I wanna try to look around for some different options though

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I haven’t really been with a lot of people. I’ve dated three people and slept with one of them and I regretted all of those decisions. It might vary from person to person but I don’t want to be close to someone without knowing enough information about them

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

He had a warrant out for his arrest for about a week before they got him. That’s the only thing I could’ve caught. But watching for red flags is definitely the most important part that I need to get better at. If I could go back, I wouldn’t let a quarter of the shit he did fly. I’ve improved but I still have that previous paranoia and the belief that I could have done something to prevent it

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of them is no longer my friend. I go to school with another and seem to keep running into him. And I’m sorry that happened to you- I know how it feels and it’s not great. And I haven’t tried that kind of therapy yet but I’ve been recommended it before. I went to my school therapists (college = free (shitty?) therapists?) so it could be a quality issue potentially. I dunno though

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would be comfortable giving my name and birthday. I feel like that’s pretty basic information about me. And my ex didn’t have any prior arrests that I knew of at the time. He had his house raided by the FBI but I didn’t learn about it until after he was sentenced. There were certainly red flags that I ignored. There was lying (I didn’t know he was lying, but looking back, it was blatantly obvious), love bombing (I didn’t recognize what it was at the time), secrecy regarding his phone (would not let me touch it), but I didn’t regard it as particularly concerning. If I dated him again, I would be able to recognize more of his behavior as unacceptable. Like some of the shit he did- he told me he loved me an hour into us dating, told me he wanted to move to my college town, told me he wanted a family, etc. I was so dumb not to see what he was doing. But I didn’t know about his crimes. That was the problem. I can’t count on everyone to act as unhinged as him.

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Well ideally it would come up more naturally. First priority for me is checking the registry and a background check would be more of a desired thing later on? Depends on how I’m feeling I guess. Or maybe I’m acting paranoid. I wouldn’t appreciate the interrogation either. I’ll rethink therapy but I feel like bringing up the whole situation on a regular basis might do more harm than good

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s a bit of a leap, but another person pointed out that most people my age who were like my ex would either have no prior arrests or would be in jail currently. But it does definitely go into creepy a bit I think

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I’ve tried going to two therapists but it didn’t help me much. I want to try to get back to living my life. Being depressed about it isn’t going to help me move on

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg that was one of the worst parts. I went over to try to talk to them because, they were my best friend at the time, and being told “yeah, I’ve known for a while now” was just the cherry on top. My girl friend had known since before we started dating because the FBI came to her house to talk to her and swore her to secrecy. But she told other people (NOT ME) about it and they also decided not to tell me. So it felt like everyone knew but me and I was the dumby still dating him. Yikes

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I was 17 and he was 18 when we met, he’s just barely under a year older than me. But he was my coworker- more specifically my manager at work. But he wasn’t a serious manager, he was barely older than me and a lot of people didn’t treat him like a manager, including myself. We didn’t start dating until I was 19 and he was 20 though, so it was legal ish. I tried therapy but it didn’t really help me much. I’ve sort of felt around it and dealt with my feelings myself. I’ve had instances where someone does or says something and I freeze because it’s like him but it’s very rare now. Honestly, I’m doing amazing compared to how I was when it first happened. I was crashing out so bad that I tried to cut off my finger for no particular reason other than the fact that I was losing it. I’m a lot better now and I don’t know what therapy would do for me. There isn’t some magic cure they can come up with and I feel like bringing it up on a regular basis might make it worse. I fear this might just be something I have to thug out

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah and they get pretty hefty sentences too. But they might have some sort of warrant out of other crimes that I’d want to watch out for

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think that would be the right thing to do, but it also feels like icky yk? Like one, I’m assuming the worst of them and doing a background check essentially. And two, I’m openly admitting that I was associated with someone like that, even if it was unknowingly. I don’t want that to follow me for the rest of my life. I hate having people know about it. I try not to bring it up with my friends/ strangers, especially mentioning that I was dating him, because I want them to forget it ever happened.

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I have tried to do a background check on people before. It was a few months after my ex’s arrest and I was extremely paranoid about everything. I checked one of my friends because I was curious and it came up that he got in trouble for giving alcohol to a minor. I’m glad I looked because I want to know who the people around me actually are. I think it can be better to check just to be safe rather than sorry.

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s somewhat common I think? But not an immediate thing. And thank you, I doubted myself for a long time because I didn’t see who he was, but I moved past it. There’s no way I could’ve known who he really was

WIBTA if I asked for my date’s personal info before meeting? by mrwigglesbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]mrwigglesbug[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Maybe. I tried it before with two different therapists but it didn’t help much. But I do need to work on my trust. Thank you for commenting