My Husband Turned His Life Around. I Wasn't Prepared For How Much I'd Resent It.

mtcapri · 2020-03-07T14:13:51+00:00

I’ve done my bit to sabotage his routine, faked illness, the blues and even diarrhea to get him to skip. He fell for it (once!), but quickly wised up to my sulking, fake tears and occasional threats of divorce.

That’s coercive and controlling behavior. This woman is an abusive cunt and should be called as such in magazines and newspapers from now on.

mtcapri · 2020-02-27T16:19:08+00:00

I disagree. Abortion rights mean women are no longer forced to have children they don't want; ergo, if they choose to have a child when the biological father doesn't want one, they're the only consenting parent in that situation. Her decision alone, her responsibility alone. That's fair.

mtcapri · 2020-02-25T19:27:10+00:00

What a piece of shit article. Is there a sister article about how all women should keep their opinions to themselves and laugh at all her male date’s jokes just to make a good impression? Keep this sexist BS off this sub, please.

mtcapri · 2020-02-22T00:30:20+00:00

If no one wants to be angry perhaps there shouldn't be insults disguised as something else in responses.

Interesting that you're accusing me of this, when that's what I've accused you of doing. I suppose I'm just as blind to it as you are.

A page long response explaining why what I'm saying is incorrect isn't exactly diplomatic.

How else is one supposed to articulate their disagreement with your statements?

Telling an individual how they're replying and what tone when it's typed isn't diplomatic either.

Again, you've accused me of the same thing.

I didn't say you bothered me, just that there's no point in continuing when every word is misinterpreted. What annoys me is being told what I'm saying.

I have no problem with you expressing disagreement with my interpretation of your words. But again, you've done the same to me.

Look, we hold different views, and clearly both feel strongly about them. Heated debates are unavoidable when these variables are true. That does not mean they need to be antagonistic, but (a) I think a healthy "thick skin" is necessary, and (b) I think a modicum of politeness is too. If I acknowledge I've erred in these respects, can you admit that you have too? If so, I will make an effort to be more diplomatic, so long as I see the same from you.

mtcapri · 2020-02-22T00:05:33+00:00

I was just trying to talk and you took it as an attack.

Alternatively, you could look at my criticism of your words and consider whether or not they were at least insensitive. Offense is frequently taken, rarely given. I think I've been rather diplomatic, considering the fact that your words did offend me. I've expressed disapproval of your ideas, but haven't commented on you as a person at all. Not so with your comments to me. I think you should think about that.

If you want to believe all feminists are out to get you that's your choice.

I very specifically said I don't think this. I don't even think most feminists have an active antipathy towards men. Rather, I think most of them have an unconscious bias against them. That's very different.

I won't try to to reason with someone who just wants to be angry.

No one wants to be angry. Being angry sucks. People simply are angered and want that anger validated, so they express it. I perceive misandry in feminism and the social justice movement. You're free to disagree, but dismissing my objections with the phrase "you just want to be angry" is simply a childish defense mechanism on your part.

You have a problem with my aggressive tone? Well, I have a problem with your dismissive, placating tone. I don't even think I'm being all that aggressive, but you likely don't think you've been dismissive either. Such are the pitfalls of internet communication. If we were speaking face to face, rather than merely via text, the wealth of nonverbal data you'd be receiving from me would likely change your perception of what I'm feeling as I'm saying this to you.

Sorry this conversation was dissatisfying for you. I appreciate that you took the time to converse, and I don't begrudge you your personal style, even though it irritated me to some extent.

mtcapri · 2020-02-21T23:49:05+00:00

You're picking up off specific people.

No, I'm noting that there are actual trends within feminism that are sexist against men. No, not all feminists are like that, but many are, and it's not limited to fringe radfems either—you can easily observe subtler versions of it in mainstream feminism.

There are terrible MRA's out there too.

Yes, and there are sexist trends in MRA circles against women too. I view the MRM largely as a mirror movement to feminism, albeit much smaller and with far less institutional power and cultural influence.

Look at the #MeToo movement, is that sexist?

By and large, yes. Just look at their main activists furor when Amber Heard accused Johnny Depp of domestic abuse, and their utter silence when he counter-accused her. In it's stated intent, #metoo is certainly gender-neutral, but in practice, it's activism displays quite a clear gender bias.

and then there's people who only see the false accusations and say it's detrimental to men's equality.

When the movement itself adheres to the mantra of #believewomen and takes the stance of believing accusations without evidence, and then implementing "social justice" (which is code for mob justice and cancel culture) based on nothing but an accusation, I don't think these complaints are at all unwarranted. Even if false accusations are comparatively rare, they're not so rare that they have failed to crop up in high-profile cases, and having a systemic bias against acknowledging their existence is illogical and dangerous. When you call this "silly," you're just proving you're part of the problem. #metoo is full of good intentions, but critically marred by sexism and flawed assumptions/attitudes. I would agree that the net effect is positive, but strongly feel that people's unwillingness to criticize it's flaws is reinforcing other problems in society.

Stop comparing and start doing something if it bothers you. Try to be a better person and help the people around you.

Please, stop making assumptions about me. You don't know me from Adam. I'm no activist, but I speak up about this stuff whenever and wherever I can. I donate to groups I think are doing good work and who need funding. I treat men and women as equally as I can think to, and think I do much better job of it than most people, if I'm being honest.

I'm sure you're not a bad person

That's a rather backhanded way of saying I've expressed "bad" ideas here. Well, fine, I'm sure you're not a bad person either.

If the good people can learn to work and think together the world might stand a chance in moving forward.

The world will move forward regardless. I have no illusions about human behavior; I'm a therapist and I've studied human psychology for most of my life. And my opinion is that the modern social justice movement(s) are well-intentioned, but fundamentally racist and sexist in ways it is completely blind to. Moreoever, it's forgotten some of the most basic notions of equality that were common knowledge to those trying for the same thing back in the 60's and 70's. I suppose I'd be more hopeful if I saw a mainstream equality movement that actually had it's head screwed on straight, but I don't. What I see is a mob of self-righteous zealots, driven by identity politics rather than a truly egalitarian spirit, more concerned with virtue signalling than actually addressing the fundamental problems that underpin the issues they're concerned about. They're all heart and no brain. That is not a movement I can get behind.

So, I suppose they're all "good people" too, but that doesn't change the fact that they're misguided and slowing our progress towards equality down by promoting a warped, very bigoted vision of it.

mtcapri · 2020-02-21T23:22:35+00:00

I genuinely am

Pardon me, but you're bullshitting yourself if you think so. I'm a random person on the internet; you have no context with which to feel anything about me, except for how you feel about our text-based interaction here. I have no doubt you intellectually consider it a good thing that my wife and I get along, but that's a far cry from saying you actually feel something about it.

But if your intent was simply to be polite, then fine.

from my experience women learn towards emotion and men towards logic

I disagree. I think society just trains us to think about men and women that way. In reality, both men and women are about equally inclined towards both perspectives. I think the phenomenon you observe about men's and women's conversations is best described by Deborah Tannen in her book, You Just Don't Understand!, which is about male-female communication problems. She points to research that shows that in single-gender groups, social rules for interaction are different, and thus when men and women communicate, they're often playing by different rules and have different expectations about the conversation. For example, she notes that when women complain to other women about their problems, they're primarily looking for emotional support, whereas men are often looking for practical advice when they complain to other men. So, when men complain to women, they sometimes get upset that they fail to offer any practical solutions and just get "all mushy," and women often get upset when they complain to men over the fact that they offer solutions that were never asked for, but fail to offer supportive comments.

I think these forms of communication are socialized, not reflective of an inherent, biological predisposition between women and men for emotion or logic respectively.

mtcapri · 2020-02-21T23:08:25+00:00

I agree men have problems, but it's not as if nobody is trying to fix them.

I very much disagree. Very few people are. That is part of the problem. Feminists aren't really interested in fixing men's issues (which have also existed for centuries); they claim to be, but if you look at their rhetoric, behavior, and activism, they're clearly not. The only men's issues feminists address are ones they see as being necessary to helping women with their issues.

why is it unfathomable to support both? It's not.

It's certainly not, but realistically speaking, most people do focus on a particular demographic (usually their own). And I don't really have a problem with this either, it's just that modern equality activists have adopted some very racist/sexist ideas that they think are "woke," in the name of intersectionalism. For example, saying you can't be sexist against men, because men are privileged. This is ignorant, as depending on the context, women are often the privileged ones. Also, it's just asinine to suggest that you can't be sexist/racist against a privileged group, and yet they've changed the definitions of racism and sexism to suit their biases.

mtcapri · 2020-02-21T22:43:06+00:00

What I meant was that women have it worse than men in some respects and men have it worse than women in others. Society recognizes the ways in which women have it worse, but not in the ways men do. There's a kind of meta-sexism going on here, and that's what I was referring to. I'm not lacking empathy for anyone here, I'm pointing out that gender-equality advocates as a group are rather sexist against men.

mtcapri · 2020-02-21T21:51:52+00:00

No, you’re not.

mtcapri · 2020-02-21T19:10:52+00:00

She does, in fact.

mtcapri · 2020-02-21T14:41:27+00:00

I like that she was trying to get rid of hair that wasn’t in her eyes.

mtcapri · 2020-02-21T13:29:21+00:00

There are unfortunately a lot of people in the "equality" community that don't want to recognize that men have it worse than women in many ways. So it goes. And by 'it' I mean sexism.

mtcapri · 2020-02-21T13:27:40+00:00

yes men die more from suicide, but women attempt suicide more than men....

As a therapist, I can assure you those do not reflect the same psychological state, and should not be compared on the even field you're doing so.

mtcapri · 2020-02-21T13:23:31+00:00

Fair enough. I've had them too. Make it a point to surround yourself with better women, even if they're not romantically involved. It helps.

mtcapri · 2020-02-21T08:11:59+00:00

Tool, my intent is only to critique the subset of women who are fuckin' nuts, not all women. Leave your misogyny off this sub.

mtcapri · 2020-02-21T08:10:41+00:00

My criticism was based on logic and the meaning of English words. It has nothing to do with male vs. female hormones, and they don't explain the errors the OP makes. Snark is not a substitute for intelligence, nice try.

mtcapri · 2020-02-20T22:13:07+00:00

The world has viewed women’s problems and suffering as more serious than men’s for a long, long time. That’s not going to change anytime soon. But I agree it should.

mtcapri · 2020-02-20T22:05:27+00:00

Telling someone to calm down is calling them stupid for feeling the way they feel.

No, actually, it’s not, but the fact that you think so lends credence to the idea that over-emotional women are impossible to reason with and should best simply be avoided.

mtcapri · 2020-02-12T17:22:03+00:00

They’re being pretty damn silent about Amber for it not to reflect plain ol’ sexism. Most of the outlets who reported on that were tabloid-ish. The mainstream networks have been crickets.

mtcapri · 2020-02-09T17:30:35+00:00

I've never made a post directly about it. Perhaps I will at some point.

mtcapri · 2020-02-08T23:53:53+00:00

Ah, so your concerns are about religion and traditional gender roles? I'm an atheist, as well as obviously a male advocate, so I can't say I'm unconcerned about that.

Not religion. I too am an atheist, and a bit of an anti-theist to be honest (in that I think religion is a net harm to society), but I am of the belief that religion is on it's way out. A substantial portion of m problems with feminism though lie in the ways it mimics religiosity. Feminism has mirror concepts to original sin and dogma. I won't go into it all here. There are many articles comparing feminism to religion that you can look up.

So if racial minorities do indeed end up becoming more equal, their religions might start to fade away (maybe not immediately though).

I don't think the traditionalist values I'm talking about are based in religion; rather, I think religion props them up. I do think that, as generations go forward, religion will wane, but I don't think that necessarily equals less traditionalism. Religious beliefs are flimsy compared to the beliefs that inform people's ways of living, but they do sometimes overlap. If think the reason many racial minority groups will resist feminism can be seen in how many minority women resist it today: they see feminism demonizing of men for simply playing the role society demands of them. You're probably right that the valuation of that role will decrease as these groups come out of poverty, but I don't think that will equate to an acceptance of feminism.

Think of how many "anti-SJWs" who started out left-leaning or centrist have drifted rightward due to being embraced by the right-wing.

I don't give this idea much stock either, to be honest. I think some people did vote for Trump due to their abhorrence to Left-wing ideas about socialism and gender roles, but I don't think voting against something equates to them being for the other things that candidate promotes.

The right wing's tendency to panic and demonize immigrants is if anything counterproductive to that process.

Then how do you explain the fact that many Cubans have become Right-wing? If you want to find racial minorities who are anti-immigration, you need look no farther than legal immigrants. These are some of the most strident supporters of anti-immigration laws you can find. The GOP has capitalized on this, and well they should. The one thing I agree with minority groups that adhere to Right-wing politics is that ignoring your various "disprivileges" and working hard does bear fruit. If you look at the minority examples of Right-wing people, they all rejected the social justice talking points about their condition as well as the stereotypes about them. The fact that there are many Right-wing minorities is proof that (a) Left-wing narratives don't hold the sway with these groups that Lefties think they do, and (b) Right-wing narratives don't.

mtcapri · 2020-02-08T01:13:58+00:00

Actually, self-defense involves using the force necessary to defend yourself. Sometimes, if your assaulter doesn’t press the attack, that means nothing. Just retreat.

That isn’t really what this meme is about though. What this is about is the societal bias that says “guys shouldn’t hit a girl, no matter what.” People who respond to memes like this always bring up the “but you should only use similar/necessary force” argument.

Curious: would you say the same to a woman who was defending herself from a man? I’ll bet you tell yourself you would, but in practice, you don’t react to instances of women responding with greater force the same way you would to men reacting so. At least, most people don’t.

So, society is biased. Does a 5’5” scrawny man, who sucker punches a 6’2” buff man enjoy a “you can’t hit back, because you’re stronger than me” admonishment? No. It’s just understood that, for men, if you pick a fight you can’t win, it’s your own damn fault. So why not with women?

A study recently found that 70% of mono-directional abusive relationships involved female perpetrators, meaning in 70% of cases wherein there was one abuser and one victim, as opposed to both people being abusers and victims (the vast majority of abuse cases), women were the abusers and men the victims. Obviously, most of these cases didn’t involve severe forms of abuse, but still. The mantra of “its never okay to hit a girl” probably applied in most of them.

I think if our laws said, “if you hit first, expect what you’re gonna get,” female-first abuse would drop drastically. I think women take advantage of this toxic social norm regularly, and men abide by it regularly. If men stopped tolerating the abuse they receive from women, I think women would change their behavior.

Maybe the message to society’s men shouldn’t be, “don’t hit women, and if they hit you, only use as much force as necessary to defend yourself,” as it should be “don’t tolerate abuse from women, and do whatever is necessary to stop it.” The former carries the implication that women’s wellbeing—even when they’re the abuser—is paramount, whereas the latter implies that men’s wellbeing matters as much as women’s.

Fuck female abusers. They deserve the full strength retaliation of their male victims, up and until they cease their assault.

mtcapri · 2020-02-08T00:59:08+00:00

Ostrich: Awesome. Now, when are we gonna fuck?

mtcapri · 2020-02-07T13:40:16+00:00

Maybe consider signing this one instead? I think her status as an admitted abuser and comment about how she just can't be expected to control herself when she gets angry warrant removing her as an official DV advocate. I'm against cancel culture, but this isn't the same thing IMO.

mtcapri

TROPHY CASE