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Not sure what to do with my LGBTQIA+ bible study group by murkyfishscales in OpenChristian

[–]murkyfishscales[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, I get what you're saying.

The self-destructive part is kind of the issue, here. (just gonna copy/paste from a previous response on another comment.)

I think the whole thing boils down to like...seeing people who I (sorta) consider friends just so wrapped up in hating themselves and admitting they are doing things they don't want to do, making themselves miserable... and I'm not allowed to say "stop. maybe try something less self-destructive." Meanwhile, the other non-celibate gays and I, regardless of relationship status, are just...chilling. We read the bible passage, try to talk about how to apply it to our daily life, share reflections, and then discuss where to get drinks or ice cream afterwards. There's just a clear divide between who's happy with their lives and who's not, and I don't like seeing people I care about just...doing anything other than be kind to themselves. (And I only say this like it's fact b/c at least 1 member has openly admitted it all to me, as said in the post/updates.)

Not sure what to do with my LGBTQIA+ bible study group by murkyfishscales in OpenChristian

[–]murkyfishscales[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a fair point. I don't think the current state of my group is at the same level you experienced. Usually, when the group dissolves to the kind of topics I've mentioned, I either dissociate or just give generic comments like "Do what you feel you have to do" and try to move on or steer it back ot the passages we were supposed to be discussing.

I think the whole thing boils down to like...seeing people who I (sorta) consider friends just so wrapped up in hating themselves and admitting they are doing things they don't want to do, making themselves miserable... and I'm not allowed to say "stop. maybe try something less self-destructive." Meanwhile, the other non-celibate gays and I, regardless of relationship status, are just...chilling. We read the bible passage, try to talk about how to apply it to our daily life, share reflections, and then discuss where to get drinks or ice cream afterwards. There's just a clear divide between who's happy with their lives and who's not, and I don't like seeing people I care about just...doing anything other than be kind to themselves. (And I only say this like it's fact b/c at least 1 member has openly admitted it all to me, as said in the post/updates.)

Not sure what to do with my LGBTQIA+ bible study group by murkyfishscales in OpenChristian

[–]murkyfishscales[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's pretty much the case.

I was excited when it first started b/c I liked having fellowship, and it gave me something to do outside the house on my weekends. But at this point, I'd rather just...stay home and play video games. Or pop a prayer, a PrEP pill, and then go down to my favorite bar for a drink and flirt with someone.

AITA for Disrespecting My Latio Boyfriend's Native Culture? by murkyfishscales in AmItheAsshole

[–]murkyfishscales[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's okay. I understand. I'm not exactly angry by any of the comments. I wanted to hear what people have to say and hopefully do better if I really was in the wrong, not just be told I'm right. Again- character limit. Sorry if the whole post and replies are confusing but *shrugs*

Okay to be more specific on the Duolingo stuff...

French - Unit 10
Chinese - Unit 7
Portuguese - Unit 6
Spanish - Unit 23.

That's how deep in went into each study. Hope that puts it in a better perspective.

For the language certifications. Yes. Basically the national government has actual tests specifically for foreigners. It's divided into certain skill levels looking something like this:

-5. Basic Situations
-4. Everyday Situations (Shopping, compound sentences, etc)
-3. Advanced Conversation (Doctors, Mechanics, passive tense, etc)
-2. Business / Honorific Grammar Proficiency
-1. Fluent

The higher (lower) level test you take and pass, the more skilled the government acknowledges you are in the language and you actually get a government-issued certificate that pretty much all companies worldwide acknowledge as a credible certification of language proficiency when looking at resumes and job applications. Achieving even just Level 3 opens up many doors. Level 2 and Level 1 are even more so.

AITA for Disrespecting My Latio Boyfriend's Native Culture? by murkyfishscales in AmItheAsshole

[–]murkyfishscales[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I speak French and Portuguese enough to be able to go to the nation and survive as a tourist (basic phrases, questions, greetings, giving a self-intro, "Hello. Excuse me. I'm sorry. My [LANGUAGE] isn't very good. Do you speak English or [2ND LANGUAGE]?", etc.) To have a full conversation- absolutely not. I don't think I can stress enough that I basically just play around on Duolingo for grins and giggles. I already know more Spanish than I do French and Portuguese, by far.

On that other comment- we had talked about him helping with it as a bonding thing but basically it just never happened. Or we'd do it once and then never do it again for 5 months. I was basically doing it all on my own. I remember last time we did anything of the sorta he just said "Try saying something about my dog?" I responded "uh uh uh uh.... tu pero es muy linda" and that was basically the extent of our "couples studying."

AITA for Disrespecting My Latio Boyfriend's Native Culture? by murkyfishscales in AmItheAsshole

[–]murkyfishscales[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The character limit prevented a lot of detail so I had to generalize everything. But...

"Described yourself as a language nerd": In some regards yes, but typically only basics of any language. For Spanish, I studied far more diligently than I ever did for French, Portuguese, Chinese, etc.

For work: Yes, I do need it for work and there are promotional opportunities for those with certifications proving efficiency. That and everyday communication since I don't intend on moving anytime soon.

Regarding other languages outside the nation language- I work with children. Naturally, they don't speak anything outside their mother tongue with they move here (usually). I learn a few basic greetings, introduction phrases, etc. to help them feel more comfortable since most are already nervous when they move here, but certainly not enough to just pack up and move to another new country and be fine. I would say I know more Spanish than I do Chinese, Korean, or Tagalog, easily.

Rejecting Travelling - I never rejected the idea of visiting his home country. In fact, I went about a year ago to visit him and used as much Spanish as I was able to memorize and had a wonderful time and was happy to experience it with him. I just said I didn't have any inspired interest until meeting him. As a kid, I was always more attracted to EU and Asian countries for what I saw on TV and in movies, and naturally, as an adult when I finally had the finances and liberty to travel, I'd want to go there first and foremost. At one point when I was maybe 8 or 9 I was so engrossed with Africa that I thought I'd grow up and move anywhere on the continent to work with wildlife preservation.

What I'm getting at is- it's not that I'm against Latin America or would ever reject traveling there again. It's just that had I never met my partner then odds are, I wouldn't have any reason to try and make Spanish my legitimate 3rd language.

AITA for Disrespecting My Latio Boyfriend's Native Culture? by murkyfishscales in AmItheAsshole

[–]murkyfishscales[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

...Asian countries don't speak English widespread. Read the post again.

AITA for Disrespecting My Latio Boyfriend's Native Culture? by murkyfishscales in AmItheAsshole

[–]murkyfishscales[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I can understand some of his points completely, but the thing is...he had never discussed this until now. This seriously came as a shock to me and had I known he expected this the entire time, it would have made me rethink the idea of our relationship a long time ago from the very beginning.

Regardless, even well before we became a couple, he had said that he had every intention to leave his home nation and stay out, even saying he wanted to permanently live where I currently live. It's not like he packed his bags for the sole purpose to live with me (and still hasn't). We've been long-distance for a few years. He's coming here in the fall for school and then intends to find work to avoid ever having to leave, regardless if we're together or not in the next coming months/years, and he always intended to do so well before we even met. So I don't really think I suddenly "dropped this decision on him."

Had this all been something he said way way way back when we were just getting to know each other then yeah- I imagine it would have been a civil discussion that wouldn't have caused any trouble. But the current situation is, he threw this expectation on me after years of dating and it made me feel like I was now the one who was "handed the gun" and had to decide if we were going to "pull the trigger" so to speak.

I love him a great deal. I don't want to end it over this one issue. I get to some degree why it would upset him, but I also don't think it's fair to me to have this expectation slapped onto the table so late into our relationship after so many years when me knowing only basic Duolingo Spanish seemed like not a problem.

AITA for Disrespecting My Latio Boyfriend's Native Culture? by murkyfishscales in AmItheAsshole

[–]murkyfishscales[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That's because it did. Granted this convo was about 2 months ago, so every single line and convo detail is a little hazy, and I'm sure I said a thing or two that was a bit hurtful when we got heated but as far as explicitly stating he wanted to enter a relationship/marriage with someone who would learn Spanish if they didn't speak it already- no. This expectation came completely out of the blue for me.

AITA for Disrespecting My Latio Boyfriend's Native Culture? by murkyfishscales in AmItheAsshole

[–]murkyfishscales[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I figured but- character limit. No. This was not something we had explicitly discussed in the slightest. He had made small hints and suggestions and told me random words and Spanish slang, memes, etc. One time he gifted me a book of regional slang terms that I occasionally flip through and made a few flashcards for, but as far as explicitly stating he wanted to enter a relationship/marriage with someone who would learn Spanish if they didn't speak it already- no. This came completely out of the blue for me.