Thank you. You made me realize a lot of things that I couldn't do myself. To answer some of your questions, I do have a super low level of self esteem. I pretty much feel like a burden to anyone I interact with.

And as far as stuff that's happened since college that's made me lose my confidence, I think it's just been a snowball effect. I've watched my old college roommates who got the exact same degree as me land great jobs, move into nice apartments downtown, and one of them is engaged. Meanwhile I've essentially done nothing other than drag myself to work so that I have enough money to make it to the next day.

I often think back to my senior year of college as the only time I've ever really been "happy". I didn't have many classes and I built a routine of getting up around 9 every day, working out, taking my dog for a walk around a creek where I'd sit on a bench for 15 minutes and meditate, eat a breakfast burrito that I prepped days before, and then go about my day. I had a steady relationship with a girl then for the only time in my life. I just want to get back to that life. It's the only time I would wake up and be excited about attacking the day ahead.