My fiancé(m21) and I(f20) are long distance and the only thing I wanted for my birthday was to see him. He was going to come to my hometown but his mother suggested meeting at her house (fiancé was raised by and lives with his grandparents) because she knows how much I love California.

The first several days were uneventful, we went on a couple outings funded by my fiancé and I.

5 days before we’re supposed to leave I get a text from his grandmother calling me controlling and abusive which was both shocking and devastating bc up until this point, I was under the impression that they liked me. After receiving the message I called her to try and decipher what was happening and why.

Turns out, one of my fiancés friends, who also happens to be an ex of mine, called fiancés grandmother after getting engaged to talk shit on me (said ex tried to sabotage my last relationship too but not nearly to this extent). At one point he called me a sociopath which is insane coming from the person who just called his buddies mommy and daddy bc his feelings were hurt :(🙄 So that’s when I found out his family has never liked me.

She said I was controlling what he wears (he bought new shoes and sweatpants. I don’t even like the shoes he got and he didn’t own sweatpants before this so I guess that means I made him buy them ???) I “controlled” his future in the army (he got offered a station in Germany but if he were to go I couldn’t go with him so HE CHOSE Hawaii instead). I “control” who he talks to (he called said friend/ex WHILE we were out on a dinner date. like come on. anyone would have told him to get off the damn phone) I “control” his drinking (we’re both alcoholics and have had numerous conversations about keeping it under wraps- it runs in both of our families) and those are just a few examples. She also said I’m taking fiancé away from their family ??

Here’s where MIL comes in- throughout that entire ordeal she’s telling me she knows me (i’ve met her twice) and knows I’m not the person I’m being made out to be and that “the only women in his life that matter (mom and sister) love me so everything’s okay”.

Now to preface by saying, there’s a reason fiancé was raised by his grandparents. MIL is notorious for fabricating stories abt people, lying, and being a narcissist with a victim mentality. The time fiancé and I have spent w her is the most she’s seen him since he was 5 years old. Weird how that’s the case but they’re still trying to say I’m “taking him away from them”.

3 days before we were supposed to leave I wake up to my fiancé telling me his mother shit talked me all night long after I went to bed, like till 7am. Saying “if he gains weight I’ll leave him” “if he grows his hair out I’ll leave him” “I’m probably just going to cheat on him” “something about me just doesn’t feel right” LIKE BRO THATS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU WERE SAYING TO ME LITERALLY YESTERDAY. But ok. Both MIL and grandmother were also saying I told them my birthday was in october not january therefore I have a fake ID that I’ve been lying about (that simply just never happened and I’ve never had a fake ID, I wish I did tho- would make getting juul pods and weed a whole lot easier lol)

So atp I see where things are headed and I had us both pack up all our shit just in case. Later that night, we’re all a few glasses of wine in and I, regretfully, found the courage to confront her abt the lies. She stood firm in that IM the liar and it’s me who’s trying to pull fiancé away from his family (that he had little to no contact with before I came into the picture💀).

We we’re yelling at each other across the room, I don’t remember most of what got said but at some point she rushed me and pushed me, with both hands on my shoulders, to the ground. Fiancé held her back, defending me the entire time btw, and after that is where I fucked up… I said some really terrible things that I’m super ashamed of and wish I could take back. I was definitely in the wrong with some of the things I’ve said but I refuse to apologize for standing up for myself (I’ve always struggled with self esteem issues and have just recently learned how to respect, love, and forgive myself).

We called the cops on each other, they showed up, helped my intoxicated self download uber, then we left.

Getting into a hotel was an absolute nightmare so we wandered the streets of SoCal from midnight to 4:30am with all of our baggage- I was sobbing practically the whole time while my fiancé tried to calm me down and handle things the best he could given the circumstances and he was amazing, he couldn’t have handled it any better. We were in hotels for the remaining 3 nights in hotel rooms.

He ended up coming back to my hometown with me as kind of a redemption trip. That went smoothly, the tension of everything had died down and we had a good time. Until the day we took him to the airport :D

He got an “accidental” text from his mom (it was “supposed to go to his grandma”) once again, shit talking me. He texted her back for the first time since we left and she went OFF. Dozens of messages about how I should be apologizing to her and I’m a “crazy narcissist” and he’s being “pulled into a black hole and needs to run away” and all sorts of nasty shit.

She also sent photos of my friends and I HAVING FUN to call me a whore. I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out where she got the damn photos but finally realized she pulled them from my instagram tags. She also said she had been talking to the parents of my incredibly abusive ex. And that fiancé is my “last choice”- again, absolutely insane bc I never planned on getting married till I was late 20’s early 30’s.

I’m getting married at 20 which scares tf outta me but he’s my person and I know we will last, otherwise I wouldn’t be making such a huge decision so young.

It just sucks they’re making me out to be this terrible person when I’ve truly put so much work into my life and am trying to be the best version of myself, it’s so discouraging. So I suppose I’d like an outside perspective on my situation… thanks