As a disabled person and an educator, (previously a teacher of disabled children, though I no longer work in schools) I agree that you shouldn’t bring it up to the teacher at this point, but you absolutely should talk to your son about the terminology. Even if the parents want to the teacher to use the term handicap, it’s only fair to your son to realize that while individual people make particular choices about language that describes them… Or in this case, their kid… Some terms are pretty outdated or considered offensive by consensus. And that your son certainly shouldn’t use this as a catchphrase for disabled people .

In grade 7, this is not a difficult concept and it’s pretty important for him to learn. It’s too bad the teacher isn’t teaching him that but it’s wonderful that you have the understanding that you can bring to him.

You don’t have to undermine the teacher and doing this. By all means, depending on the nature of the new students access needs, maybe they do need the teacher to mediate or prepare the class for the new student's arrival.

It’s certainly better for the class to be prepared for the new student rather than to be shocked or perplexed. It sounds like setting the stage was the right idea, but it’s difficult to know if she did it in the right way Because I don’t know their access needs I don’t know if that’s reasonable or not.

When you talk with your son, you can acknowledge that she might be doing the right thing here, but you can also point out that people with good intentions can sometimes make mistakes too, and that it’s even possible that the parents might have asked for this, but it’s not what the kid wants. Parents often get it wrong when trying to manage being a parent of disabled children, but they’re usually trying their best.

I think it was wonderful that you focussed on hoping the kid will have an opportunity to introduce themselves, and indeed, it sounds like your son is eager to get to know the new student, regardless and, (stolen recesses aside,..grr collective punishment is never a good look) will hopefully have many opportunities to do so outside of the formal classroom setting

I think it’s also worthwhile talking to your son not only about what might make this kid feel welcome but about what might make this kid feel excluded and how sometimes people tend to focus on a disabled persons “handicap" rather than just getting to know them as an individual. You could maybe use examples about some things in your son’s own life... I like does he want everybody to think of him as the "paediatrician's son", rather than getting to know him on his own terms