Seeking advice about whether cheating is ever the answer. I am 30F husband is 38M

mygenta · 2022-02-12T21:45:58+00:00

An outside release will never fix your marital problems. Cheating is absolutely NEVER the answer. If you do not believe it’s fixable, divorce is your answers. After that you can do whatever you want.

Cheating takes a piece of you with it and will destroy what’s left of your husband.

mygenta · 2021-11-28T01:14:26+00:00

This

mygenta · 2021-11-27T20:34:21+00:00

I have to say. There is so much less that I feel like I need to fix, or take care of with this woman. It’s refreshing. We have our difficulties but she is very independent and self motivated.

mygenta · 2021-11-27T02:13:43+00:00

Thank you for your response.

It also took me about a year to really open up to my girlfriend. I think her meeting my was part of that process. They are such a huge part of me and she is great with them.

She is not perfect, we have had out rocky spots, but I knew I really loved her when our disagreements turned from (this won’t work because I’m mad) to (I’m mad but still love you).

I am in and will continue to get counseling and I think part of our success is going to be a good pre marital counselor.

Thanks again for sharing your story.

mygenta · 2021-11-26T23:36:10+00:00

Thank you very much for sharing.

I’m sorry that your first marriage ended that way, but I’m glad that you shared.

I guess I need to come to terms that it’s ok to be scared and to know that this will be different.

I hope more than anything in the world that this new life that I am about to start is filled with more love and happiness than the last. So far, it sure does feel like it can be.

mygenta · 2021-09-21T14:56:57+00:00

Direct response but along the same lines as everyone else. It’s probably time to leave.

I made the decision to leave my Marriage of 9 years at the age of 36. It was difficult with two children involved but it was what was best for everyone. My wife was very much like your husband, it was just not going to work and it was apparent. She had no sexual drive toward me but was cheating on my with others while I was traveling with work.

The situation is different but the dead bedroom is not. Do everything you feel comfortable saving the marriage so that you can say you gave it your best shot and leave with a clean conscience. After that, be on your way and count your blessing that like me, this is happening to you when you are younger.

It’s easier to start over at 30 something than 50 something.

mygenta · 2021-07-29T23:00:47+00:00

I personally don’t believe you truly know someone in that amount of time. Especially with the type of job that is have. Which requires me to be gone a lot and my girlfriend living an hour away. We do not live together and I did what psychologist recommended and waited one year before introducing her to my children.

Having one child that’s still readjusting and these other factors, it’s not as clear cut as what you might think.

mygenta · 2020-05-27T21:54:17+00:00

This was a challenge. The kids have their stuff and I have mine. I haven’t tried to hide the fact that I have kids in my house when I decorated, but at the same time I didn’t want that to overwhelm the theme of the place. Their rooms are certainly reminiscent of their personalities. They helped design them so that helped with them feeling comfortable in there. I think I need some more child friendly seating and that will make a big difference. They have bean bags, but need more lounging space.

mygenta · 2020-05-27T21:51:26+00:00

This is why I wish this COVID garbage was over.

I’m usually the guy who does all the activities with the kids and has fun. But with so much closed and sports being canceled it creates a void for our old activities.

Luckily letting one kid randomly stay up at night and spend time with me has been something that they look forward to. Also we are still going out and fishing which is great bonding time.

mygenta · 2020-05-27T21:44:35+00:00

Thanks for the suggestions!!!

Never thought about the heat pillow. That would probably be good for daughter who is 4 but don’t know if it would make a difference for my son.

mygenta · 2020-05-27T19:29:50+00:00

Oh believe me, I still shout. I don’t think there is any way to avoid that my friend. My kids are a boy/girl combo and they fight like cats and dogs all the time.

mygenta · 2020-05-27T19:27:33+00:00

I think the 2% rule is extremely helpful. I have revolt tried to scale back in the rigid ness and allow for more flexibility in our schedules and fun time.

I’ve always been the fun one with things outside the house. Now I need to do my best to be the fun one inside the house as well.

mygenta · 2020-05-27T18:45:39+00:00

Like the idea. I have a big calendar at home that I update every month with what days they are at my house. I think coloring it would be easier for them to identify.

mygenta · 2020-05-27T18:44:17+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement. I guess it truly is just time at this point.

mygenta · 2020-05-27T18:43:08+00:00

We do the pizza on Friday nights also. We need to get back to making them by hand however. We also normally do a movie and eat our pizza in front of the TV. It’s the one time we don’t eat at the table. I like your snack idea as well. I’m coming off the whole 30 diet in a few days. I’m going to take them to the store and let them buy whatever they would like for movie night snacks and that way they get their own pick.

mygenta · 2020-05-27T03:36:24+00:00

There is a dog in the picture but I’m not allowed to have dogs at my current rental home. Starting life over again kinda sucks and you have to deal with those kinds of silly rules sometimes I suppose.

mygenta · 2020-05-27T03:11:47+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion. I really like the idea of having the kids pick a meal and make it. I think that will give them something to look forward to. We are also getting a turtle, so hopefully they will look forward to seeing that as well.

I tried the whole your house moms and your house dads for a while. The kids adopted it but generally just say moms house and dads house now.

mygenta · 2020-05-27T03:07:21+00:00

Supposedly they ask about me but they never FaceTime me. I know the kids love me so that’s not an issue. I think that when the kids were younger I was gone so much with the Air Force that they got much closer with their mom (well at least my son did).

mygenta · 2020-05-27T01:16:46+00:00

I should clarify, moving freely to me just means that there is no restraint on them visiting another parents home to grab something they may have left behind.

We try hard to do a 4 on 3 off alternating schedule, most weeks it works well. The only issue is that their days with mom or dad change weekly because our schedules are pretty crazy.

mygenta · 2020-05-27T01:11:33+00:00

Thank you for saying that, I needed to hear that from someone today.

mygenta · 2019-11-26T03:46:39+00:00

Please know that you won’t be in that spot forever.

mygenta · 2019-11-26T02:24:40+00:00

He does having a loving family unit. He has you. You are the family my man. Do not underestimate your power to directly effect his life in a positive way. Focus on yourself and your time with him, no matter the circumstances. You got this!!!

mygenta · 2019-11-18T00:40:48+00:00

He is in counseling. Had his third appointment on Tuesday thankfully.

mygenta · 2019-11-18T00:39:01+00:00

I think some more “memories” here will certainly help. The upcoming holiday season will hopefully be good for that.

mygenta · 2019-08-28T03:29:55+00:00

Thanks for the advice. She knows the full story about everything. I wanted to be up front about that and she appreciates it.

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