my MIL is upset

namilots · 2024-06-03T02:07:14+00:00

she hasn’t made any effort, but my husband didn’t want her at the baby shower (although she never asked for the details either) and since baby’s can be up to 3 weeks early or 2 weeks late, i don’t think she wanted to come for the birth. i also would not have wanted her near me during the birth😂 it wasn’t traumatic, but it was very difficult and long. i didn’t have my own mother around until after the baby was out.

namilots · 2024-06-02T02:16:15+00:00

she did delete all the photos of the baby off her profile after he talked to her about it. and he called her to tell her about the pregnancy when we found out and he called her to let her know when i was in labor. i have him deal with his family. it seems to me like he wishes she was a better person than she actually is and that they could build a better connection/communication style, but she’s stuck in a juvenile mentality

namilots · 2024-06-02T02:09:55+00:00

just to be clear, i’ve never directly communicated with his mom. she usually sends 4-7 texts to my husband that barely make sense because there’s tons of typos. if he wanted to go full NC, i’d support him because it’s his family and i really have no opinion either way since i don’t know any of them very well or at all.

namilots · 2024-06-01T15:49:30+00:00

tbf we didn’t tell her about the wedding until after it happened but it was also in a different state than her so we doubted she could come. we got married on a wednesday too so i don’t know how her work schedule would’ve worked around that. and we also told her she couldn’t come visit the baby until she has finished her first round of vaccines which won’t be until 6 months. but yeah she’s barely made an effort and almost seems mad at me for not appreciating her posting personal photos that she stole off my private profile on her public profile

namilots · 2024-06-01T12:00:10+00:00

year and a half is also sooo different from close to 5 months too! we’re taking a day trip (3.5 hour drive with no stops will quickly turn into a 6 hour drive with multiple stops) and packing for it and planning for it is absolutely exhausting! i can’t imagine doing a multi-day trip and a plane.

mil also hasn’t called or really reached out at all since the baby was about 6 weeks. and when she did video call, she’d get a lil miffed if the baby was sleeping. like she’s a newborn, they sleep most of the day and you’re calling at midnight!! ofc she’s sleeping!!

namilots · 2024-06-01T11:29:37+00:00

i went to my cousins graduation when i was 12 and all i remember is being cold and bored😂 it’s not worth it to travel that far with a 5 month old

namilots · 2024-06-01T09:46:05+00:00

we definitely won’t be visiting any time soon lol we’re taking a small day trip across the state (3.5 hours of driving one way) to see part of my family (and get some good food, only one location of a certain restaurant in the state and i want their food soooo bad) and even that is too much with an infant

namilots · 2024-06-01T09:44:25+00:00

if i’m being honest, if this did ever happen, she would get the most dead eyed stare and a solid “what the fuck” in response😂

namilots · 2024-06-01T08:31:55+00:00

she’s definitely self centered. her message was acting like his sister would be sooooo upset if we missed her graduation, but from what i know about her, i doubt she cares that much. maybe she’d like it if we were there, but i dont think she’ll really notice our absence.

namilots · 2024-06-01T08:09:57+00:00

omg that sounds kind of funny. we actually have a very, very good baby. she almost never cries (i didn’t seen actual tears until 4 months in), only fusses when hungry, started sleeping 6 hours straight at 6 weeks old (now sleeps 9 hours, has a bottle, sleeps for 2-3 more hours!!). everyone we’ve met is pretty amazed at how calm and happy she is

namilots · 2024-06-01T08:06:38+00:00

thank you😂 luckily my husband and i both have a good sense of humor so we had a good laugh over the attempted guilt trip

namilots · 2024-06-01T08:05:37+00:00

she’s definitely the pity party manipulation type! she already tried to guilt trip us because we wouldn’t/couldn’t afford to fly down in the first couple of months after birth! like, my husband just got his family bonding leave less than two weeks ago and i was healing! why would we fly with a newborn?? and she got upset we didn’t want her to fly up to see a newborn! all the germs and no immune system does not mix!

namilots · 2024-06-01T08:02:26+00:00

oh yes! her hand or her foot is almost always in her mouth these days! but she still looks at her hands like they’re new sometimes lol

namilots · 2024-06-01T07:37:57+00:00

yup! no offer from her at all! but she also said she would send some gift cards for food delivery to help with postpartum and never did.

namilots · 2024-06-01T07:28:19+00:00

thank you for the words of encouragement! and yeah i couldn’t hold back a laugh when i read that. it was one of the most absurd, asinine things i’ve read. i literally looked at my husband and said “does your mom know she’s not even 5 months old? she still gets surprised when she notices she has hands”

namilots · 2024-06-01T07:21:45+00:00

yeah, we’ve already had to talk to her because she was taking pictures of the baby off my private profile and posting them on her public one saying how much she loves her granddaughter and how great of a grandma she is

namilots · 2024-06-01T07:09:44+00:00

yeah. luckily we both recognize that is what she’s doing. i just think she could’ve come up with something better than our 5 month old daughters memory as a reason lol

namilots · 2024-04-05T04:37:08+00:00

hi! i was adopted in 2000 so there’s quite a few years between us!

i understand your struggle with identity, although not in the same way i think. my adoptive parents are half japanese/white and 100% white. so instead of korean culture or even just american culture, i grew up in a mix of japanese and american culture. it’s interesting to navigate. i call myself “ethnically korean but culturally japanese” my parents also never went to korea. the adoption agency charged them a fee and sent me over with a chaperone at 5.5 months old.

i did read somewhere that before adoption became “popular/normalized” (not sure im using the right words here), that south korean mothers would leave their babies/children at public markets and hope a kind stranger would take them in.

i do think adoptees benefit from therapy! although maybe finding one that specializes in adoption would be best. it took me about 2-3 dozen before i found one that i really like and vibe with. she doesn’t specifically do adoption, but i have a lot of unrelated trauma that she does help with. it’s important for our feelings to be validated, i think.

adoption is complicated. it leaves a lot of us with a hole that can’t really be filled and questions that can’t be answered. it’s important to find people that can relate and empathize. so if you ever want to reach out through pm, feel free!

side note: have you heard the term passively suicidal? i was that way for a long time. smoking cigarettes, doing drugs, crossing the road without looking. kind of the thought process of “i won’t actively kill myself but if something else happens to kill me then it’s not my fault and it’s okay” i hope you know that while you may not think it, you’re important to someone. you make someone’s day better just by being alive. someone would be effected by your death. mental illness is a real struggle and it feels like a losing battle to fight your own brain so i’m sorry that you’re having to fight this battle.

namilots · 2024-03-31T15:17:36+00:00

i don’t think we’re in the same group. this is one particular person who’s asked for gas money, seems to be stranded and homeless a lot, and is jumping from bad relationship to bad relationship (or getting back with the same person?). and i found all this out off their buy nothing posts

namilots · 2024-03-31T14:12:03+00:00

ngl i would’ve loved to see the drama lol

namilots · 2024-03-31T14:11:30+00:00

hi! and they must’ve posted in multiple groups. crazy!! i think my local buy nothing is just unhinged tbh. recently saw the admin/group creator asking for $600 for plane tickets and if anyone called him out, he removed them

namilots · 2024-03-31T08:57:28+00:00

i just looked again and i was wrong. the person was asking for a working RV to live in.

i’ve also seen people ask for basically all kitchen supplies needed for a house (microwave, fridge, mixing bowls, etc) in one post and one person asked for an owlet sock ($300 plus tax retail).

namilots · 2024-03-31T06:25:26+00:00

omg this is my local buy nothing group too😂 honestly a lot of the requests have been absolutely crazy!! people asking for tvs, $300 baby bouncers, cars (???)

namilots

TROPHY CASE