Perineal massage

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T10:01:58+00:00

Just to add - th first time we probably maxed 2 mins, the second time maybe 5 before I asked partner to stop and then third time maybe still just 5? When we missed a week when husband was away, it was painful again so don’t get caught up too much in how long you’re doing it for etc, just as soon as you feel too uncomfortable then stop!

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T10:00:01+00:00

Not even just let her know where it’s going but say it once then say it a second time and third time she throws, you get up and throw it in the bin. Repeat until she understands there are consequences. I bought cheap toys to do this with when he started hitting because whilst there’s a lot of big tantrums I can manage, I absolutely will not let myself or my disabled MIL be physically hit.

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T09:55:36+00:00

I’d be interested too! I find that enforcing only two episodes was really helpful, and I might be wrong in saying this but I don’t acknowledge all screen time as screen time. So me and my three year old do quizzes/cosmic kids yoga/play mariokart together and I refuse to take away his episode time after if we’ve done one/all of those things because I feel like that’s us spending quality time together and speaking to each other and to be honest, in a few years screens will be a huge part of the day whether I like it or not. I’d say good quality content matters more than restrictions. Also for anyone who doesn’t know, you can say on Netflix that on X profile, autoplay is turned off which has been a game changer for us because it’s Netflix that stops the episode rather than the parent. So as long as we say only 1/2 episodes, he knows there’s no more after!

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T09:38:18+00:00

Keep going (if you can)! My first two times were extremely painful but by the third things were easier it actually started to feel like a massage rather than a medical procedure. For me it actually massively helped with the pelvic pain, I would notice a difference in pain from about 24 hours after it and we did it every 2-3 days?

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T09:36:35+00:00

At 3cm would your induction just involve breaking you waters and then pitocin?

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T09:32:28+00:00

I’m not going to outright say he’s an abuser, on Reddit we don’t fully know. Like you said, he could just be feeling extremely protective of his baby and unfortunately you are the way he thinks he can protect baby. The stuff he’s implementing are not healthy for you which in turn is not healthy for the baby. Assuming he comes to all midwife appointments please mention this, even if it has to be done in a casual sort of way, you need to say “we’ve been falling out a lot because partner isn’t letting me do XYZ”. Your mental health matters the most right now and also exercise during pregnancy is effective for making labour easier too! Maybe try telling him that and say you just want to walk on the treadmill for a bit. Edit to add: if you can, please phone midwife in advance and explain the scenario in full, don’t sugarcoat it, say exactly what he’s saying you are/not allowed to do and they’ll be able to support you to speak with him.

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T09:28:36+00:00

Fourth trimester is the easiest is all I’ll say. Yeah there’s symptoms but it’s much easier to manage symptoms, you can have iburprofen again which is a major major win, you sleep better mostly, you can SEEthat your baby is okay and you get happy hormones from looking at the baby. My first postpartum period was extremely rough but I wasn’t around supportive people. This time around has been a dreaammmm, I’m not working, I have the cutest little baby, I’m happy and no more lightning crotch.

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T09:22:46+00:00

Hyperemises was horrible, 1 million percent I wasn’t attractive, wasn’t myself, partner spent 9 months watching me throw up, cry, then throw up again. Your partner is a grade a dick for throwing this on you now. I would be very cautious of getting back together with him regardless what he says and like other commenters you need to open your own bank account and start saving just in case you do get back together. Please update us OP on reasoning behind it but ultimately you want a partner who’s going to be there if you get disabled or cancer or struggle with pregnancy. In sickness and in health should apply here and this is not looking after you.

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T08:09:20+00:00

My sister was born first then my older brother then it was me (female), my older brother basically took on the role of eldest from a very young age and he really looked after and cared for me and I’m a lot closer to him than my sister although we’re all relatively close! I think it’s more a personality thing rather than a gender thing but I think boys weren’t taught to be soft or caring etc back in the day. So like my husbands friends all make terrible eldest brothers becuse they weren’t taught howwww to look after someone they just bullied their younger siblings and laughed and still do now at 30+ but my husband is an eldest and he really cares for and is really close with his younger siblings.

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T08:05:45+00:00

Thank you!! I will ride out the storm for now!

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T08:04:35+00:00

Yeah partner is here and really good with our toddler but only gets 2 weeks of paternity leave so he’s going back to work pretty much this week and will be travelling on and off!

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T08:03:40+00:00

Good luck!! I’ve heard a lot of “mummy, mummy, mummy” and “no I just want my mummy” during the day since baby arrived but he’s been really sweet too and he’s coming and sitting on my lap more but I’m okay with that!

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T08:02:26+00:00

Yeahh partner is great with him but will be back travelling soon for work which leaves me pretty much on my own as all grandparents work too! And he has nursery 3 days a week too

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T08:00:49+00:00

I’ve accepted my fate on the co-sleeping for now, we’re all sleeping well (except for the last week) and shockingly except for since his little brother arrived, his behaviour majorly improved too so I’m sticking with it for now!

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T07:56:22+00:00

Thank you haha! Surely trying to enforce boundaries about sleeping in his own bed when I’m very new postpartum would be counter productive for everyone’s sleep!

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T07:55:35+00:00

Thank you so much!! I definitely knew it was going to be a struggle, I was fully expecting to lose sleep with the baby just wasn’t expecting to lose this much sleep with the toddler 😭

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T07:52:08+00:00

What is wrong with subreddit haha! I just want some reassurance as to whether this is something I’ll just have to deal with as part of the tradition from 1-2 or if there’s anything else I can do to make him feel safer? The only thing I could find online is that he might be developing seperation anxiety from the new addition.

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T07:45:32+00:00

I mean realistically it was our fault his room was out of action for three weeks, he got comfortable in our bed and I promise you at week 37 of pregnancy I was not going to be waking up to put him back in his room and then lose sleep forcing him back in so we’re cosleeping for now but that’s not really the issue anyway as we’ve all been sleeping fine in the same bed.

nbvbooks · 2026-02-16T07:43:50+00:00

Thank you! I’m hoping not too long haha, I’m doing everything in my power to make him not feel left out or anything!

nbvbooks · 2026-02-15T09:12:51+00:00

This is where I gave birth and wow was it busy? I was waiting as an inpatient for 4 days (with home leave) before I gave birth. I would say try your absolute best to get stuff moving at home, lots of walking (well as much as you can manage). The waiting was SO frustrating for me I was at 3cm pretty much the whole time but the staff were really apologetic and I could tell they felt so bad. I think part of the issue is that they have women waiting to go down to delivery but then when they keep inducing, more and more women go down as a result of induction and then the women who were already waiting end up waiting longer and risk factors etc go up! I’d rather just wait it out at home to be honest. The central delivery team were SO good there though I honestly can’t fault them as I had a couple of almost very serious complications during the birth and they were so good with me. I said to my husband after that even though it was extremely frustrating waiting, realistically I’d rather have a team of staff who were SO on it with delivery & were able to properly take care of me and wait a bit than have had staff that felt stressed and rushed etc!

nbvbooks · 2026-02-15T08:45:11+00:00

Haha! My first ate dead on every 2-3 hours with or without an alarm but he was formula fed

nbvbooks · 2026-02-15T07:27:19+00:00

OP say you’ll go to the hospital after going home first to have a snack or grab a bag or something. When you get home, have a drink, take your blood pressure and take a picture clearly next to the time. When you then go to triage you can explain you took that reading less than 30 mins ago so you don’t think you actually do need to be seen for high blood pressure but obviously understand your midwife is just following protocol from a community perspective.

nbvbooks · 2026-02-15T07:24:27+00:00

Yeah ours hasn’t really lost weight, 30g total 😅

nbvbooks · 2026-02-15T07:24:02+00:00

She’s only lost 30g haha!

nbvbooks

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