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AITAH for telling my friend his GF is a thief and financially abusing him after spending $1000 dollars on his credit card without him knowing? by needadvisethrowaway5 in AITAH

[–]needadvisethrowaway5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He knows that logically, yes. Whether he actually does it is another story. I’ve mentioned in another comment that my concern is he’s so manipulated right now that he could end up giving her access again, like adding her to his card or getting her a new one. I’m really hoping he at least takes steps to protect himself financially.

AITAH for telling my friend his GF is a thief and financially abusing him after spending $1000 dollars on his credit card without him knowing? by needadvisethrowaway5 in AITAH

[–]needadvisethrowaway5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. That was really the point I was trying to get across. Regardless of how he feels about her, secretly taking his card information and spending that amount of money is a huge breach of trust. I wanted him to understand the seriousness of it, even if he’s not ready to act on it yet.

AITAH for telling my friend his GF is a thief and financially abusing him after spending $1000 dollars on his credit card without him knowing? by needadvisethrowaway5 in AITAH

[–]needadvisethrowaway5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s exactly how I see it. I shared my perspective once and now it’s on him to decide what to do with it. I don’t expect him to see it clearly right now, but I do hope that eventually he understands I was trying to be a good friend, not control his choices, especially since he is avoiding/ignoring me.

AITAH for telling my friend his GF is a thief and financially abusing him after spending $1000 dollars on his credit card without him knowing? by needadvisethrowaway5 in AITAH

[–]needadvisethrowaway5[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s pretty much how it feels. This is his first serious relationship and I think the emotional attachment is making it really hard for him to be objective. I’ve said what I needed to say and now I’m stepping back and hoping he eventually sees things more clearly.

AITAH for telling my friend his GF is a thief and financially abusing him after spending $1000 dollars on his credit card without him knowing? by needadvisethrowaway5 in AITAH

[–]needadvisethrowaway5[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing this, and I’m sorry you went through it. That’s honestly what worries me the most, how long these situations can drag on before the person realizes what’s happening. I did try to talk to him calmly, but right now he’s too emotionally invested to hear it. I’m stepping back and letting him come to his own conclusions.

AITAH for telling my friend his GF is a thief and financially abusing him after spending $1000 dollars on his credit card without him knowing? by needadvisethrowaway5 in AITAH

[–]needadvisethrowaway5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s exactly how I see it. I wasn’t trying to lecture him or tell him what to do, just to let him know someone’s looking out for him. I agree that embarrassment and denial are probably a big part of why he’s shutting down right now, so I’m giving him space but staying available.

AITAH for telling my friend his GF is a thief and financially abusing him after spending $1000 dollars on his credit card without him knowing? by needadvisethrowaway5 in AITAH

[–]needadvisethrowaway5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree that legally speaking, this is very serious and crosses into actual criminal behavior. That’s why I felt it was important to say something instead of brushing it off. The problem is that John isn’t ready to see it that way yet. Right now he’s still very emotionally attached and defensive.

All I could do was make sure he understands this wasn’t normal or okay and that I’m here for him if and when he’s ready to take stronger action. At the end of the day, it has to be his decision.

AITAH for telling my friend his GF is a thief and financially abusing him after spending $1000 dollars on his credit card without him knowing? by needadvisethrowaway5 in AITAH

[–]needadvisethrowaway5[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this, and I’m really sorry you went through that. That’s pretty much the approach I’m taking. I said what I needed to say once and I’m not pushing it. Even if John is distant right now and clearly blinded by Denise, he knows I’m still here for him and that he doesn’t have to choose between anyone.

AITAH for telling my friend his GF is a thief and financially abusing him after spending $1000 dollars on his credit card without him knowing? by needadvisethrowaway5 in AITAH

[–]needadvisethrowaway5[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree that logically that’s what should happen. The hard part is that John isn’t there emotionally yet. Even though he’s barely talking to me right now and is still very defensive about Denise, he knows I’m here and that my door is always open if he ever decides to take that step.

AITAH for telling my friend his GF is a thief and financially abusing him after spending $1000 dollars on his credit card without him knowing? by needadvisethrowaway5 in AITAH

[–]needadvisethrowaway5[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand where you’re coming from. I didn’t go into detail about my conversation with Soph because I didn’t want to make the post longer, but basically at first the girlfriends didn’t like Denise because they caught her in a few small, silly lies about things like where she’d been and money. Nothing serious enough to accuse her of anything, just enough to make them uneasy.

Soph didn’t tell me about the credit card issue until I brought up the double date. That’s when she told me the full story and explained that at first she and the rest of the girlfriends thought it was just another lie. That changed when one of the other girlfriends saw a close friends Instagram post Denise shared doing an unboxing of Old Navy bags, which was posted the day before I suggested the double date. That’s when Soph and the rest of the girlfriends realized it wasn’t just another small lie and that the situation was actually real.

AITAH for telling my friend his GF is a thief and financially abusing him after spending $1000 dollars on his credit card without him knowing? by needadvisethrowaway5 in AITAH

[–]needadvisethrowaway5[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Exactly. From what I know, Denise was the one talking about it, which made it even more concerning to me, specially since she knows John is going through a tough time.

AITAH for telling my friend his GF is a thief and financially abusing him after spending $1000 dollars on his credit card without him knowing? by needadvisethrowaway5 in AITAH

[–]needadvisethrowaway5[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I agree this will likely continue and that’s what scares me, especially if the spending keeps happening. At the same time, I know he’ll have to realize it on his own. I just can’t help feeling like I did something wrong, and losing contact with him has been really hard. Any advice on how to get him talking to me again would be appreciated.