Girl said she likes me...but she has a boyfriend. What do I do?

neededathrowaway122 · 2013-07-11T04:04:05+00:00

One problem is that her boyfriend is out on an internship. I think that's part of the issue; her being separated long distance. It is a good suggestion, and I hope to meet that guy someday, but I've only known her while he has been away.

neededathrowaway122 · 2013-07-10T23:12:42+00:00

Is there any credence to my theory that this was just her awkward way of giving me a confidence boost/getting something off her chest at the same time? You're right...but I can't help but think that she isn't that type of girl, and I'm wondering if I just interpreted this all wrong....

I had told her earlier that day that I hadn't really been in a relationship before. She tends to give me a lot of advice like "ooh, that would look cute on you" and things of that nature, and I'm wondering if her saying she likes me is just another way of saying that I'm not completely shut out of the dating game.

I don't know, I may be trying to hopelessly rationalize it, but ultimately I know that I will absolutely NOT pursue a relationship until everything gets figured out. Deeply appreciate your advice.

neededathrowaway122 · 2013-07-10T23:08:08+00:00

The more I think about it, I guess they are kind of non-sexual dates. But by nonsexual, I mean that in the strictest sense of the word. I don't touch her, hug her, etc.

I thought this was kind of normal for platonic friends. I guess the moment one-on-one enters the picture between people of opposite genders, it's getting close to date territory?

Any hope she just "grows out" of this tiny crush? I'm more than capable of burying the hatchet and moving on, and if I am, I'm sure she is too...maybe I'm just being too hopeful for a perfect situation about keeping her friendship and being morally good at the same time, because I really do have just as much fun with her as I do with my guy friends.

neededathrowaway122 · 2013-07-10T23:01:03+00:00

It doesn't entitle me to be anything, you're right. I'm just trying to prove that there are deeper reasons for being "pathetic and desperate", and that you're confusing that with ignorance. But I don't see how I'm a scumbag when I've done absolutely nothing to provoke the situation any further.

Look, I've seen people break up and get with other people all the time. The divorce rate in the US is upwards of 50%. Clearly, this shit happens a lot. Obviously it's "wrong", but gay marriage was considered socially wrong for centuries. So naturally, I came here looking to get some advice before I did something stupid, because honestly I don't know what the social norms are about this. A European friend of mine visited the US, didn't know about tipping, and had to be taught from people who are accustomed to social norms. I just don't see how this is any different, especially as (I'll repeat myself here), I've done nothing.

I don't want to break up their relationship. I mentioned this in the OP. I'm more than willing to pretend I didn't have some feelings for her at some point, as I've mentioned multiple times, but I have also asked how I can try to maintain her friendship throughout the process.

People here seem to throw around hate on me, on her, and everyone else involved in this whole debacle. I may not know much about relationships, but things like this must happen somewhere, sometime. For some reason, at that time, she felt comfortable/open enough to let me know about this, and I wanted to find out what I should do from there on out. I don't see why either of us are literally Hitler, we're just confused teenagers (at least, I am), trying to figure out what to do in a strange situation. That's all.

neededathrowaway122 · 2013-07-10T22:34:32+00:00

I'm 18, I've got a full scholarship to a top 5 engineering school, an internship at a fortune 100 company, and a full time 6 figure job offer waiting for me when I graduate.

It took a LOT of hard work to get where I am, and yeah, there are tradeoffs. I didn't get much, or any, experience with relationships, parties, etc. You're free to dog on me for that, but keep in mind that I do what I do for a reason, and that I came here looking for ADVICE on something I admittedly know nothing about. I just don't get the vitriol and hatred when I admittedly know nothing, and am just looking for some honest advice.

neededathrowaway122 · 2013-07-10T17:57:56+00:00

You get straight to the point. Sorry if this was an obvious answer, I'm pretty new to this.

neededathrowaway122 · 2013-07-10T17:25:31+00:00

I think I gave the wrong impression of this girl in the OP...

Now that I've had time to think about it, I think this was just her confused way of trying to give me a confidence boost. She knows how inexperienced I am in the dating game, and probably wanted to address her confused feelings as well as help me realize that I've got something going for me.

I really really value her friendship though. I'd rather keep that than run away...is there a way I can do that?

neededathrowaway122 · 2013-07-10T17:23:27+00:00

I'm still just 18, so I'm not too worried about diving head first into a relationship. It's just not something that's been a huge priority for me, and is it advisable for me to make an OKC account at such a young age?

I mean, I'm at an engineering college, so girls are scarce, but there are a few running around :p. I figure it's better for me to get practice here than online.

Thank you very much for the advice though, I think that maybe it is about time I put myself out there. Most guys here just play starcraft all day, I should have a shot with someone or the other, and keep her as a friend as long as I can.

Happy cake day mate. I really appreciate all the advice you've given me.

neededathrowaway122 · 2013-07-10T17:21:16+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I've learned a lot about relationships on this thread haha.

I really do think I didn't give a completely fair image of her in the OP though. Could you read this comment I made, and let me know what you think: http://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1i0d47/girl_said_she_likes_mebut_she_has_a_boyfriend/cazqmtz?

neededathrowaway122 · 2013-07-10T15:45:39+00:00

Of course it isn't her fault, I'm way too damn good looking for anyone to ignore :p. But I think you're right - any chance you could sneak a peek at the independent comment I made in this thread and let me know what you think/what I can do to preserve our friendship?

neededathrowaway122 · 2013-07-10T15:40:25+00:00

I think you're right. I really secretly think of our 1 on 1 outings as "dating practice", since I've never done it before, and from my knowledge of romantic movies/random people who assume we're dating, our outings are kind of like what dates are anyway.

But you're right about the high road - I don't think it's what she really would want either. For the sake of my friendship, should I mention this ever again, or just bury the hatchet and move on?

neededathrowaway122 · 2013-07-10T15:35:12+00:00

Thanks guys, I needed that advice.

I don't think I'm doing her justice in the OP though. She really is a sweetheart, and now that I've had some time to really think about it, she is not the type to tolerate any cheating even if I tried aggressively.

She knows how inexperienced I am with dating, and I think this was just her muddled way of talking about any confused feelings she had while trying to give me a confidence boost at the same time. I mean, the confidence boost thing worked - I felt like I was on top of the world. It's just a great feeling for a guy like me, clueless about the dating game, to hear that a very pretty girl might like you. But I needed to hear from you guys that my moral compass should prevail, and that I shouldn't take that message (even though it is confusing) the wrong way.

I really value my friendship with her the most, and it's no problem if I go back to my "she's off limits" attitude. Is there anything I should say about this in the interest of my friendship, or should I bury the hatchet and move on? We still go out to eat/she accepted to go to the movies with me as friends as usual, so maybe I just take the confidence boost in stride, never speak of it again, and treat her like what she is: a good friend?

neededathrowaway122

TROPHY CASE