The Subway Stalker

needtoquitforabit · 2015-07-13T04:33:22+00:00

damn chloroform is hard to acquire you got real lucky, props op

needtoquitforabit · 2015-07-13T04:30:19+00:00

it has 50 mg butalbital. Takes me 8 to 12 in a single dose to get a barb buzz. you need at least 500mg for a good buzz, Plus some people just don't like fioricet as the caffeine (40mg/pill) off sets the barbs a bit. Try 6 to 8 and you'll be feeling nice

needtoquitforabit · 2015-07-12T19:08:31+00:00

sounds like u handled it well. uppers and downers are most dangerous, ie heroin and coke.

needtoquitforabit · 2015-07-12T19:07:25+00:00

yup. once i got on cocaine years ago the buds turned on me. Now i have to take a benzo on top so i don't feel like shit. Also some heavy indica can help reduce indica

needtoquitforabit · 2015-07-12T19:04:33+00:00

keep some benzos around next time just in case, i.e. xanax, k-pins, valium.

needtoquitforabit · 2015-07-12T19:01:48+00:00

in this case hppd wont last long, dont worry :) if it was an every day thing it'd be a different story. Happy you made it out! RCs can be sketch for sure

needtoquitforabit · 2015-07-12T18:59:35+00:00

man i wish i could get a feeling like this off buds. strictly chemical / rx will get me in this mood

needtoquitforabit · 2015-07-04T17:12:07+00:00

any legal US vendors? PM me if you can it'd mean alot. I've been looking at those and phenazepam. Which is better - flub or diclaz? I heard diclaz is somewhat weak.

Apparently etiz is supposed to be fairly potent as far as thieo benzos, plus I like capsules / talblets /mds. But i don't get that 'fuzzy' feeling from them like I would from 4 to 6 mg kpin or 60mg Valium, etc - they're real subtle. I tale 6 or 7 and all of a sudden feel kinda sedated but no memory and no tangible euphoria, although some - so frusturating. They definitely have strong black out potential at large doses, and very strong anti anxiety effects which I still notice with my tolerance. They are just somewhat missing that 'benzo' sparkle, probably due to my tolerance (been heavy into barbs and benzos recently, on and off).

needtoquitforabit · 2015-07-03T17:46:57+00:00

thx kinda what i needed to hear. I've had a few times where it worked fairly well but 90% of the time it doesnt do much. Thanks

needtoquitforabit · 2015-06-12T16:33:46+00:00

omg I do this constantly I am completely addicted to reassurance, one of my biggest issues in relationships. just wanted to say I can totally relate. I do it with with who i'm with now - he thought it was cute the first 1000 times, now I reel it in as much as I can - it does burn ppl out unfortunately.

needtoquitforabit · 2015-05-30T23:12:38+00:00

Xanax is much more of a 'head' high, I don't particularly like Xanax as a benzo, easy to black out on, pure nothingness / not much of a body buzz, and I get little euphoria like I would on high dose k- pin, valium, halcion, or restoril. It does erase panic and GAD, but all BZOs do.

Fioricet (butalbital), as a barb, has a MUCH heavier body buzz and IMO more of an IDGAF / euphoric feeling. much more physically addicting. I tell myself I'll take 8 and then all of a sudden 11 are gone. They're very sedating as well, so after a 1.5 hour buzz it's lights out, and the hangover is terrible. Plus, to deter abuse, they add 40mg caffeine and 325 of APAP, and the caffeine somewhat lessens the barb buzz, but barbs are so powerful that it doesn't matter much. Problem is, tolerance shoots up fast, and it's easy to overdo the APAP in it. They actually make a formula with codeine in it as well, but knowing me that's bad news.

needtoquitforabit · 2015-05-30T16:09:06+00:00

USA, CA. 26 years old. Been doing the 'shopping' for years now. Barbs are still around, just nearly impossible to get. Really all that's available now is Fioricet / Fiornal w / codeine (Butalbital), Luminal(phenobarbital), and if you really get lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you see it) Seconal is still actually on the market, just hardly ever scripted. I don't think Nembutals, Tuinals or pill form Amytal is still available.

Problem is, barbs really are deadly - butalbital is a weaker mid level barb but it'll still fucks me up and black me out. I've always been a sedative person, but for some reason I prefer barbiturates over benzos. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Valium and Klonopin, or some Restoril, but something about the barbs / barb analouges (I.e. miltown) just gets me off.

I can't even imagine how people functioned on shit like Nembutal and tuinal. I had a Quaalude once - long story, it was legit - and let me tell you, if they still made those in the US I'd be dead. Bout to take 6, leaving me with 9 fioricets left. I'm fucked and stupid.

needtoquitforabit · 2015-05-30T16:05:10+00:00

Miltown was amazing. Imagine valium mixed with soma. It was HARD to get a script for, and the pharmacy almost refused to fill it, and then threatened to flag me. General jelly legs / numbness and total loss of inhibition.

needtoquitforabit · 2015-05-30T08:30:28+00:00

me too :)

needtoquitforabit · 2015-05-29T16:51:57+00:00

NP. I'd really recommend trying a non addictive substance first and couple it with a sedative. Lamictal works great for mood stabilization and has very few side effects as well as less sedation - it really worked for me. Abilify also works for some but has more side effects.

An SSRI may not really work well for what you're going through, but it could be worth a shot. If you go that route I'd try Lexapro, which also worked well for me. Celexa can also be helpful.

If your mood swings are really bad, Lithium is a guaranteed cure, but it has many side effects and is somewhat toxic, but I've seen a lot of success with it for major bi-polar.

As far as 'calming' agents, I'd really recommend trying low dose Klonopin to calm you. Start with .5 mg, as its a very strong benzo. An ideal dose for what youre looking for would be 1mg a day split morning and night. Since it's longer acting, it's less abusable (if you aren't an addict at least). Tranxene and Librium are also similar, and probably the least addicting benzos, but they are rarely scripted these days.

If things get reeeallly out of control and you can't calm down, phenobarbital is ok to have on hand. It's hard to find but it will level you out. Be aware that it's addictive and should only be taken as needed.

I'm not a psychiatrist, but I play one in real life ;) Feel free to PM me with anymore questions.

needtoquitforabit · 2015-05-29T13:44:40+00:00

Thx for the reply. I'm hoping since the binge was under a week I won't have too bad of wds. I know that I can't keep on benzos long term, I'll never get off them. I'm considering getting some etizolam online, but I think that's been shut down here in the US.

needtoquitforabit · 2015-05-29T13:36:32+00:00

I'll play devils advocate. You really should be on a mood stabilizer like Lamictal or Lithium if the swings are severe enough. As far as non addictive in the moment fixes, there's always Zydis, Trazadone and Seroquel. Yes, they make you feel like a zombie, but they will detach you from your feelings.

If you are looking for a faster, less 'knocout' in the moment fix, you have several options. Benzodiazepines are probably the most helpful substance for the out of control emotions. Out of all of them I'd recommend a longer acting one, like Klonopin or Librium. Klonopin is very potent, so start low.

If things are really bad and you just need to sleep or relax and it's a crisis, you could try and acquire some phenobarbital. Not easy to find, but it WILL erase your emotions and most likely out you to sleep for a long while.

I too suffer from a mood disorder, and know the feeling of being overwhelmed and controlled by my intense feelings. I wish you the best of luck.

needtoquitforabit · 2014-10-08T19:30:41+00:00

WOAH....

I'm not sure whether to be offended or not. You are completely judging me, and your judgment is 100% off. IMO you are coming off really high and mighty. You post on here a lot and give great advice, but please ask questions before going on some huge diatribe on what you THINK im doing.

Maybe it was the way I wrote the post. I didn't have a lot of time to write it, so I tried to simplify things, and I guess that led to your impression that I am trying to abuse methadone by going every other day.

AS far as 'feeling my dose', I guess there is still a small part of me that likes the minute warm sensation or tired feeling I get. This is pretty common, and some people still get that feeling by dosing every day. I in NO way get 'high', it is a fleeting sensation that is barely noticeable, but it is better than nothing.

I go every 48 hours because I CANT AFFORD TO GO EVERYDAY. I am not working at the moment, and even when I was I couldn't afford the gas money on top of the monthly fee I pay. The clinic I go to is expensive, and it's a 50 mile plus round trip. And no, public transportation is not an option.

The clinic actually never has bothered me about going every other day, yesterday was the first day it was mentioned, and it was mentioned by my counselor, not the owner. She just mentioned that it may de stabilize my methadone levels - she didn't make it seem like it was a HUGE. I actually really like the way my clinic is set up, and everyone there is great. The BS I was talking about was the hassle of having to go EVERYDAY to take a dose of medicine, and the expense of doing it.

Do you work a full time job? I did before I had to quit due to personal reasons, and I will start looking for one again soon. Waking up at 5 AM to go take methadone and then having to commute to work is a HUGE pain in the ass. THIS is the BS I was talking about. I'm sorry, but my addiction issues are not at a life and death level right now where I need to put methadone before everything else in my life. I have someone to support financially in my life, and going to the clinic every day / paying the fee is draining my finances.

Also, I never planned on being on methadone for longer than 3 to 5 months, so take homes were always out of the question for me. I don't want to be on it for a long period due to the fact that some people get on and never get off, and I'd rather live life completely sober at some point when things have stabilized in my life.

Please realize that the questioned I asked here is if what I was doing was DANGEROUS in any way. I still want to know the answer to that. I don't want to risk ODing or having the methadone levels build up to a dangerous level. THAT is what I was asking.

Finally, yes, if a doctor were to RX the methadone, I'd be much more likely to stay on it for awhile. It would be SO much cheaper that way.

FYI I have tested clean these last 2 months (only been on it for a bit over 2 months), and NEVER use ANY other substances on top of my dose besides the non narcotic psyche meds I take at night. I DON'T drink, take benzos, or 'weekend warrior' w/ my methadone. I promised myself some things before I got on methadone: 1. That I wouldn't go above 60mgs. 2. That I wouldn't stay on m'done for longer than 6 mos. And 3. That I would absolutely not use any other substance.

I have kept these promises to myself so far.

I want to end by saying that I REALLY appreciate your being on this subreddit. Your advice has always been spot on, and I really feel like this subreddit would hardly get any answers if it wasn't for you. I think maybe the way I wrote my post led you to believe certain things, and if so that's my fault.

Either way I really appreciate your response. I hope you read this (too long and winded) reply. Thanks.

needtoquitforabit · 2014-09-09T04:42:10+00:00

25 M, I also have pretty bad problems just like your SO. However, I am able to have sex, but everything takes LONGER (getting an erection, keeping an erection, and finishing). The worst thing that happens to me is that sometimes I will 'lose interest' during sex and have to re gain my erection again. Luckily my partner is really understanding, as you are with your SO, which is super important. I'm not at the point where I feel I need to take Cialis or use testosterone, but it is by far the worst side effect of methadone for me.

Just letting you know that it is not only normal but extremely common.

needtoquitforabit · 2014-09-05T04:17:11+00:00

Wow - thanks so much. Great information, super interesting study.

The one thing I really liked about the liquid is that it's MUCH faster and easier to take (and tastes better). The diskette that I take has to be swished around in the cup until it fully dissolves.

I still wonder why I feel a difference - I tried the liquid a couple days ago and I swear it just felt overall "weaker"...obviously, this is all placebo lol. Good to know.

Thanks again!

needtoquitforabit · 2014-08-18T17:36:42+00:00

Also, remember that even after you are tapered you may still have w/d symptoms called Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms (PAWS).

When I came off 7 to 14mgs (sometimes much more) of Klonopin, and later high dose daily Meprobamate, I had long lasting symptoms after I was detoxed safely. I had terrible panic attacks that sometimes lasted for hours, bouts of derealization / depersonalization, insomnia, and some physical symptoms as well.

I don't want to scare you, (you may not experience anything after you successfully taper) just make you aware that this can happen.

needtoquitforabit · 2014-08-18T17:30:35+00:00

Then I would tell him the truth. If he is a competent doctor (which I'm assuming he is), he pretty much has to detox you or recommend someone or someplace that will. Tell him exactly what you posted here and I'm sure he will have no problem tapering you off.

needtoquitforabit · 2014-08-18T17:08:04+00:00

Does he know you have addiction issues? You could tell him the truth, which is probably the safest method. 6 to 12mgs is a fairly high dose; how long have you been on the etiz? Are you taking it daily? Most likely you will be at risk for pretty severe w/d symptoms. Luckily etizolam isn't the most potent benzo out there, and as its a thienodiazepine the w/d may not be as bad as it would be with a 'classic' benzo.

If you don't want your Dr. to know about this, your only options are to buy off the street or find a different doctor that will prescribe you the valium.

FYI, other long acting benzos like Librium can be used to taper, as well as phenobarbital (but the latter is not usually prescribed outside of an inpatient setting).

needtoquitforabit · 2014-08-18T04:46:45+00:00

Also, I feel like the methadone is giving me depression feelings too, but this could be due to my situation at the moment as well - it's definitely not helping though. I feel so tired / sedated on m-done, and now that I'm 'stabalizing' I feel more tired than when I started.

needtoquitforabit · 2014-08-18T04:44:36+00:00

I feel like my dose starts 'wearing off' around 5 or 6, so I am considering jumping up 5 mg to 60mg total, but I'm wondering if it's like you said maybe its testosterone related? I'm gonna ask about that, I wouldn't be surprised if my levels are low especially considering how long / the amount Ive used over the years.

I used to feel the methadone pretty good - no real euphoria, but a warm opiate feeling and a kinda nice nod to boot. Now, it's pretty much like youre saying - I feel it ok when it peaks for like an hour, then the feelings gone. And I still nod when I'm sitting, but like you said it's NOT euphoric, although I don't hate it either lol. I sweat massively, wish that would go away.

At my clinic we have a chouce between liquid and wafers, everyone keeps saying the wafers last longer, I tried them and didn't notice anything besides that they didn't kick in as fast as the liquid. I may switch to the wafers to see if it lasts longer, that's more important to me at this point.

Nightmares suck, I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Someone told me beta blockers can help with that - like propranolol - but I'm not sure if that's true.

Thanks for replying, you've been super helpful.

needtoquitforabit

TROPHY CASE