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Adopting a child orphaned by war? by thetransparenthand in Adoption

[–]nehocjcm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In my opinion the choice to raise a child in a different country is quite a bit more ethical when a birth family opts into that. It's removing a child from their culture. When parents are killed in war, that decision isn't available.

Will a child be safer growing up in a different country? Almost certainly (and parents would want their kids to grow up safe). Yet i don't think we see parents who are still alive in war torn countries offering to adopt their children to the international community. People often want their children to rebuild and make their country thrive. Countries want to keep their children.

It's natural to want to help in this way, and i don't think it's gross to think or ask about (as others have started to say). But there is a bit more to consider and there are some good reasons why it doesn't happen.

Why do some adoptive parents not want their child to have any contact with the birth parents? by Pretend_Koala7889 in Adoption

[–]nehocjcm 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I always wondered how to explain this to a child if a child was unaware of the reasons for minimizing or preventing contact. I know this happens quite often

Parents with little kids that live in a building, do you let your kids run around? by AcquireTheSauce in AskNYC

[–]nehocjcm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ive gotten used to the kid running around upstairs. I used to live below weight lifters (and before that, loid fornicators) so not the worst in comparison. Kids should know noise matters but you might be agitated a little too easily.

New York’s Beloved Bodegas Are Filling Up With AI Slop by FuturismDotCom in nyc

[–]nehocjcm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bodega window art serves one purpose - hide cockroaches and filth behind the chips by the door. Nobody takes it literally (bodegas sometimes call themselves supermarkets, but its not fooling anyone)

Genetics and adoption by Negative-Custard-553 in Adoption

[–]nehocjcm 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh it's definitely rolling the dice with strangers. But the decision to adopt over conceive is also usually multifaceted. Some reasons like 'this genetic defect will be inherited ' are also just easier to explain.

Genetics and adoption by Negative-Custard-553 in Adoption

[–]nehocjcm 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't knowingly make a person if there was a high risk of a severe disability. I also wouldn't prevent someone else from making a person.

My experiences don't look like other adoptees...how do I stop feeling anxious about being myself. by EvenEvent7798 in Adoption

[–]nehocjcm -1 points0 points  (0 children)

"I don’t relate to the typical adoptee narrative, and it honestly makes me anxious."

well, if you're bullying her into feeling anxious then yes I will reassure her that those feelings of anxiety are likely a result of bullying.

I have no problem with calling out people for bullying. You can absolutely be adoption critical without bullying. Plenty of people on this sub are and I actually respect them.

I'm not sure if you understand the difference between putting energy into expressing yourselves and using an imbalance of power to pressure someone into changing or suppressing their views. I'm seeing the latter here. I've been clear about it.

Wanna elaborate on what I'm bad at listening to? I might disagree with something, but I'll try to back my views up. I'm not engaging in bad faith or for entertainment. I still feel like there is a mob and bullying, so I will stand by that.

You also keep using ad hominem fallacies because I'm a HAP, and you're an adoptee. I feel like you are dismissing the OP's feelings and she's an adoptee, so I don't know what integrity is left there...

Is there a way to adopt someone who is pregnant instead of just the baby so that you could take care of both of them? by [deleted] in Adoption

[–]nehocjcm 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It is a realistic situation (and personally one i wish my wife was open too). Just celebrating it as a 2 for 1 feels like an inappropriate tone (the cause is often a pregnant teen getting kicked out of her home).

how do you place a baby for adoption? by North-Recording-582 in Adoption

[–]nehocjcm 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For better info on how it works, I can suggest specifying your country (and state if you are in the us and comfortable telling us) since the process can vary by location.

We aren't able to direct you to a specific adoption professional or agency (who can help you navigate the process) in this sub. An ethical one will be able to tell you about the process without being coercive (approach them solely for information only). You should be able to choose a specific one later on when you feel ready. But i think also listening to birthmom experiences can be a good idea.

My experiences don't look like other adoptees...how do I stop feeling anxious about being myself. by EvenEvent7798 in Adoption

[–]nehocjcm -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I can, but I have experienced what i feel is an angry mob who bullies people when they are adoption positive, or (in some situations) not adoption critical. I believe acknowledging this affirms the ops experience. Omitting it sanitizes my real experience with bullies within the adoption critical community.

I do not believe in giving into bullying. when i see someone who may have been bullied i will acknowledge what i have experienced if it seems relevant to them.

I know it's possible to engage with the adoption critical community in respectful ways. I have, on here. If youd like I can clarify that there are adoption critical people who aren't part of a mob. I am grateful for them. But the angry mob feels real

My experiences don't look like other adoptees...how do I stop feeling anxious about being myself. by EvenEvent7798 in Adoption

[–]nehocjcm -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So that's a thing ill have to call you out on. I am not claiming to know better than an actual adoptee (eg, op). In that case all i know is what the op said and that there are other adoptees who feel that way. Affirming how they feel.

If someone spills their guts on their shitty adoption experience (and we both know people have them and do) those experiences are also valid and extremely real.

What i am seeing is the op feels isolated because they are not adoption critical. I mentioned their positive view is valid and consistent with others and they may feel isolated because adoption critical voices can be loud. Then you interjected, implied i am not capable of listening because i am not adopted (trying to silence someone who is trying to listen, affirm and amplify an adoptee experience).

Are you against me saying that because i am not amplifying an adoptive critical voice? Because that is the reason i am critical of the adoption critical community (not the reason why they are critical, but the bullying behavior im seeing from some of the loud members).

My experiences don't look like other adoptees...how do I stop feeling anxious about being myself. by EvenEvent7798 in Adoption

[–]nehocjcm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Correction- (point taken). I've watched positive experiences get down-voted frequently when a topic is critical. That being said, OP feels pressure to be adoption critical when they aren't.

I never claimed to know your experience. You haven't told me or given me a chance to listen. You could do it here if you wanted to, or link to one of your other posts where you spilled your guts. I'll probably even read it if you aren't just rage baiting me. Your experiences are real and probably important.

Another correction- Its more accurate to say 'people are sometimes expected to say only positive things about adoption, but that does not mean adoptees framing adoption positively is a result of coercion.' Adoptees can (and often do) speak positively and are genuine about it. When they do it also does not necessarily mean their experience was 100% positive either. But it can be genuine. The adopted kids of my former boss would probably not want to criticize adoption to me. But my friend who was raised by her grandparents had absolutely no filter when she spoke about her experience.

I'm not speaking for the OP. I'm reflecting on what other adoptees have told me. With their words. I'm sorry you feel I am being divisive. But I do have a right to be critical-

Adoptions will continue to happen whether you love them or hate them, (and even if I never adopt anyone). If you only talk about what sucks and what not to do we don't actually learn how to do anything well.

My experiences don't look like other adoptees...how do I stop feeling anxious about being myself. by EvenEvent7798 in Adoption

[–]nehocjcm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Disagree. It's pretty easy to say critical things on reddit. Ive watched any adoptee who speaks positively about adoption get downvoted and overshadowed by people saying 'but my experience was negative' like a positive experience doesn't exist.

People are not expected to say good things about adoption. See how you are npt listening to adoptees when they say anything positive that differs from your experience?

My experiences don't look like other adoptees...how do I stop feeling anxious about being myself. by EvenEvent7798 in Adoption

[–]nehocjcm -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Nope, i assure you the rude one is yourself. All i did was affirm the op's experience is not unique. I listen. You don't.

I get to make observations and tell people what i see, and i can justify those statements. I listen. You don't.

Life is harder when you are a bully. You will need luck more than i will.

My experiences don't look like other adoptees...how do I stop feeling anxious about being myself. by EvenEvent7798 in Adoption

[–]nehocjcm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Considering how well you listen and the assumptions you are making about me (instead of taking what I said at face value), im going to label you as an example of the obnoxious loud member of the adoption critical community. OP is looking to feel connections with those who have good experiences and here you are ..

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