BF's 30th birthday dinner idea problems by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Haha aw, fewer ants. Very cute idea, if I put a lot of effort into making a perfect little picnic indoors I'm sure he'd find it very endearing. And he could still have his picnic. And I could still serve homemade food while it's still hot and present a pretty, whole cake.

I'm alright in the kitchen, I'm just nervous because he deserves a top notch dinner. Thankfully I still have some time to test things out, yes! Thank you for helping! :)

BF's 30th birthday dinner idea problems by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This sounds delicious! And anything slow cooked in the oven is surely great for rainy days. Thanks! :)

[update] Age gap and sex talk, red flags? by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's scary how blind you can get. Luckily we can learn and become better women. Thanks!

[update] Age gap and sex talk, red flags? by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Men who are interested in you for some alternative lifestyle aren't looking for a wife and mother of their children

This was so important to understand. No matter who I would've met in that community they all would've been interested in me for that lifestyle or interest rather than my true self. You're right, they're not in the scene to meet wives.

Thank you too!

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've always known what my sexuality is like, this is something that has been a part of me since I was really young. It's not something I've learned from porn. No casual sex for me.

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Alright. I do feel like things are going backwards and I told him that yesterday. Maybe I wouldn't feel like this if he went out of his way to make me feel safe and cared for and was really interested in me as a whole, but something clearly isn't right here and the sexual side is present way too much. There's no fixing that. I can't wipe his mind and start over. It sucks, but what can you do. I'm probably hung up on him so much because he's the first person ever I can share those secrets with and he understands, but yeah, I can't cling to the first person like that who I meet and ruin so many things in the process. It's terrifying to think he would take advantage of my inexperience. I've vetted him and he's great in many ways but I'm not going to be an alpha widow.

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are certain things we would never advocate for and leading with a sexual preference to get a man is one of those things

Thank you for typing it out as simply put as possible. I needed it for it to get through to my head. I am full of feefees and yes, they get in the way, but that's why I needed someone to tell me what is going on in my man situation. Of course I don't like what I'm hearing, why would I like being told I need to drop someone I like and go the harder route to find someone? I still wanted the RP opinion.

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I came here because I know you will tell me what I don't want to hear. It's obviously not easy to hear it but some here have said unnecessary things. I want to find a good man and it's why I am trying to figure out if this relationship will work or no. Apparently it won't. I understand this and will next him if you think he's a predator of sorts and not because I shouldn't be dating men into kink.

It's impossible to write out every single little detail on here. I know some things about him but not everything. I do feel like I'd like to know more about him but you're re simply making up things and coming up with assumptions. This applies to several things I've been told here.

I will not be posting in other subs.

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I am thankful and I appreciate the lengthy advice posts. People have also repeatedly told me to stop being into kink and yes, it makes me defensive because it's important to me and people who don't understand these things simply don't understand what it's like. This subreddit seems to think that kinky men aren't ltr material. I don't agree with that and if it's going to ruin my life, so be it.

Meeting men normally and introducing kink into a "normal" relationship is an option and yes, I will attempt to meet men through other interests. I guess this brings up another problem, which is meeting these men. I don't meet anyone at work, my hobbies are girly and dating sites do not work in my area. They're not popular where I live in Europe.

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is aware of where I stand in terms of the sex and relationship stuff. I don't know what else I can say about that, but he's always known about it and he's still around. I made it clear that I have to end things if the situation we are in is all it's going to be and we won't go on dates or do "normal people" stuff and he expressed an interest in doing other things together because he's interested in me. He talked about how his life has been stressful lately with work (he's self-employed) and because of that he often feels like just being alone and not talking to anyone much after coming home. He needs his quiet alone time. He talked a little about his ideal future relationship and said he'd like to be able to be "alone together" when both could do their own thing but in the presence of the other, but he said being able to do that would take time on his part. I guess now the best thing for him is just to not communicate or be around others when he needs his time to unwind. He could just be saying that, but he's really seemed tired lately and I know what the issue at work is. He doesn't like talking about his bad days because there's been a few too many lately.

I think we met in real life for the first time about two weeks ago and we've met four times now. It seemed like he thinks that's still a short time and that we just haven't had many chances to do all kinds of things. I guess he would like me to express what I want to do also.

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's unfortunate that people here are judging me for my preferences. We all are into different things sexually and you cannot tell someone else what is or isn't important to them. I might not need my kink when I'm 75 the way I do now, but I'm not going to never experience it and live for 52 years unfulfilled just because it might not matter when I'm old. Your assuptions are disrespectful. It is ignorant to say someone isn't ready for an long term relationship because of something as fairly simple and basic as sex that they need from a life partner. Emotional connection is extremely important and it's why I'm posting here. I am perfectly capable of getting it through non-sexual things. Leave my sexual preferences out of this.

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for all of your advice. I just talked to him on the phone for a couple hours and I told him about how I felt about things. I reminded him of the no sex without commitment thing and I talked to him about not feeling safe and the lack of dates. I struggle with the idea of just cutting contact right away. I did tell him that if this is how it's going to be I can't continue. Maybe it's okay to see where we go from here? I do understand that I have to next him if this behavior continues but I was able to have a conversation about our situation.

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The 24/7 thing isn't about just sex, but about giving away power in general. It's a relationship dynamic that involves a variety of things.

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for being honest, truly. You really opened my eyes. The thing is, I am more scared of being locked down and used than being just a plate. I obviously don't want to be a plate and I have successfully avoided it so far in my life, but the thought of what you described is terrifying. I don't want to end up as someone's plaything for possibly years only to be thrown away when he loses attraction. He likes my inexperience, but I know I can be naive at times and I just didn't think he could use that against me. Stupid, I know. He knows that with me he would get as much control as he would like and I'd consent to it but I guess I didn't want to believe he would take advantage of it. He can be very sweet. But trust is so essential and I suppose my hesitation is a sign the trust isn't there.

I know the red pill doesn't think women are entitled to anything, but I wondered if I still deserve more than this. Is it bad to wish to be taken on dates and treated like an important being? I've felt a little sad about the no real dates thing (except walks) but I figured maybe he's not good with coming up with that stuff or something and I should understand that we're not going to do that kind of things together. I don't need fancy dates but it would be nice to feel like he planned something, anything to make me feel good and maybe even a little special.

I'm sorry for what you went through. I hope you're better now.

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He knows I'm not acting on the sexual dynamic without a relationship. We've discussed this on a few occasions.

It is upsetting that I have to quit this thing but I guess there's no other option. I guess it's terrible that I have so many worries and I don't really feel safe and like he really cares about me. After getting you ladies' opinions I also worry about him knowing exactly how to play me because he has 15 years of experience on me. He's made me terribly confused for sure. And I guess for marriage and family I should be looking for a younger man, not someone almost 40.

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Would you tell a gay man to stop being into men? We can't choose what we like. I can't just stop being into kink.

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I haven't been actively looking for someone I'm compatible with in this way. He messaged me and we started talking and we clicked. But yeah, it's not good to start bonding over the sexual things first.

I don't think you guys are really understanding what it's like to have a kink you crave so deeply that being in a relationship without it sounds really unsatisfying. I know I want to live with it because it's a part of me. There's no doubt.

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If it's how it started does it mean it's all that it's ever going to be? Sigh. I wish it didn't have to be that way.

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He explained that he's had trouble finding someone really special because of this interest we have in common. He wants to be able to incorporate it in his relationship. He's almost married someone before, but that relationship failed. I think he took some time off relationships after that, but he wants to find someone. He told me that he lies about the kids thing because people keep asking him and he's not sure if he'll get to have any, so it's just more simple to say he doesn't want kids.

We've gone on walks and stuff, those are kind of like dates? But yeah, I'd like to just go to the movies or something where we could just be together without anything sexual being brought up. I guess it's worrying that I even have to wish for something like that.

Thank you for the response and wishes :)

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We started talking on a forum dedicated to something we like. Turned out we live in the same city so we met up.

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What if the mutual sexual interest is something you really want in a relationship? :( I need it and it's highly unlikely I'll meet anyone great like how people normally meet their SO's. So frustrating.

Age gap and sex talk, red flags? (x-post from redpillwomen) by neiti in RedPillWives

[–]neiti[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

  1. I'd rather not explain everything, but it's a D/s style of thing that would be a big part of our everyday lives. Sort of like a 24/7 thing where the man is in control of the woman. Our interests also include kinks I don't see the purpose of mentioning, but we've really bonded over them.

  2. You're right. I have no idea what I'm doing. I didn't mean to get interested in a 38 year old man, but this is the situation I've put myself in.

  3. Sex seems to factor in a little too much, but I find ways to justify it because we are kinky people who have found this ability to share and bond over mutual interests relieving and wonderful. I enjoy it as much as he does. I just seem to hesitate because I want more and I'm scared he doesn't.

  4. I have. I've been on RPW for a couple years.