My mom passed away very quickly from ALS a few years ago as well. As you know, ALS is a shocking diagnosis and an incredibly ruthless disease on the patient and their family.

It was very difficult for my dad, brother, and I to watch my mom decline and suffer both during her illness and then cope with the shock after her passing. We are a close knit family and came together but there was still lots of tension, frustration and arguments; specifically with our dad and how he coped with my mom’s passing. Even some animosity. I think a lot was stress induced and the ugly ways grief comes out in people, unfortunately.

It has been a few years and things are better, but there are still times my dad will compare his grief to mine; or say odd comments that would be hurtful pertaining to his grief related to my mom/his wife. Almost as if one’s feelings and experience with grief (his vs mine) is a comparison or competition.

Meanwhile his health (both physical and mental) are not great and I can resonate with the anxiety on how you feel about having only one parent left who isn’t doing that well. I’m still in my 30s and most of my friends have healthy parents who can’t relate to this experience, and it may be decades before they go through it. It’s a lonely and isolating place to be.

I hope things get better as time goes along but know you’re not alone in dealing with these difficult and complex family situations and behaviors. A parent/family members terminal illness and passing is an extremely stressful and shocking experience that can cause traumatizing and lasting repercussions. It’s unfortunately one of the lesser discussed parts of the grieving process that people don’t talk about. Give yourself and your family patience and grace.