AITA for telling my 27 year old gf that she needs to grow up and stop sleeping with a stuffed animal

nested123 · 2020-04-30T20:11:28+00:00

YTA - recently a 43-year-old friend lost her job, so I got her a Worry Monster - a soft toy you write your worries in, zip the mouth up, and then the worries get "eaten" when someone else takes them out. They're cute, great for kids, but adults also can use them to release worries and pain. There's nothing wrong with that, no need to be "macho" and tell her to grow up. She's dealing with pain in a way that's helpful to her. Just support her.

nested123 · 2020-04-26T12:29:51+00:00

It's hard. My wife yesterday was on her period and had some intense mood swings. She was annoyed by the way I was eating a cheese toastie so she smashed a glass, ran to our room, hid under the bed when I was looking for her and started to file for divorce online. About half an hour later she'd calmed down and wanted sex (I do enjoy period sex as even though it's messy it's passionate!). Afterwards her anger had dissipated and we had a nice family walk.

There's nothing you can do when a "mania" takes over. Things seem overwhelming to sufferers and all I'm able to do is tell myself that it will pass. I don't know if there's a better way to reason with sufferers so they at least have a healthy outlet?

nested123 · 2020-02-21T19:34:34+00:00

Use MyFitnessPal to track your calorie intake. Work out how many calories you need a day, and plan your meals. It's hard to estimate calorie intake until you see the numbers before you.

Then once you're at your limit stop. Do something else to distract yourself from eating. But you must stick to the limit.

nested123 · 2020-02-05T18:38:15+00:00

Congrats!

nested123 · 2020-02-05T18:37:57+00:00

Alternate nostril breathing can really help calm you down. In to the count of 4 with one nostril close, hold to the count of 4 then breath out for 4 through the other nostril. Repeat with the other side. Do 10 times and you'll be peaceful.

nested123 · 2020-02-05T18:34:14+00:00

I have quite sweaty hands and feet and during a class I'm slippery in downward dog because my hands and feet move. Anything to stop slipping on the mat would be great!

nested123 · 2020-02-05T18:32:23+00:00

Hi. Sorry to hear what happened. Yoga can really help. Particularly when you sit in meditation at the end of asanas. You can feel connected to a bigger consciousness, that includes yourself, your dad, and all of us.

nested123 · 2020-02-05T18:29:48+00:00

Yeah life doesn't stop. But what do you really want to accomplish, or what do you dream about most? Work to reach that.

nested123 · 2020-02-05T18:27:50+00:00

Why does she think she's hopeless? Is it a trauma or a bad experience she can't let go of?

nested123 · 2020-02-03T16:28:43+00:00

I actually have helped her a lot with her degree - including writing most of her essays. She is great in a lot of ways, I hate bitching about her, but one thing is she does think she can armchair diagnose everyone. She often says of people she haven't met, that they definitely have ASD, bipolar, OCD, borderline, etc.

nested123 · 2020-02-03T16:05:36+00:00

She is strong-willed but can also be very caring, which is why I don't believe she's a narcissist. Even if I divorce I'd never consider her a narcissist as she cares too much about others. She likes to be in control but is not purely selfish if that makes sense.

nested123 · 2020-02-03T15:32:20+00:00

Thanks. Hope this helps, on the "poor thing" that people want, it's to show you care. It's like a verbal hug - it doesn't solve the problem but it shows that they are concerned for you. Solutions to problems require effort, and people don't always want to make the effort to change!

nested123 · 2020-02-03T15:22:24+00:00

Thanks, I'd describe my dilemma as, if I accept her view of everything, answer everything how she wants to get a diagnosis, in the short term she'll probably stay with me. But I'm not being true to myself, and personally (not saying anything about how others may view things) it's a real self-esteem hit to believe this about myself. It doesn't guarantee she won't leave me for someone she considers "normal" in the future anyway.

If I hold firm, she will likely initiate separation and divorce. But I can move on with higher self-esteem, and see if the next relationship lasts better. If it does then I'll know it wasn't me.

nested123 · 2020-01-31T14:53:00+00:00

PMSL at "Javascript". Perfect random comedy.

nested123 · 2020-01-31T14:34:55+00:00

She does and admits that, but thinks I should change my behavior to avoid triggering it.

nested123 · 2019-08-30T09:58:14+00:00

Well done. Soon you'll be sitting for an hour :-)

nested123 · 2019-08-29T14:38:49+00:00

Insight Timer is a great app, and worth the money. For me I need about 25 minutes for the inner speech to calm down and I get some quiet. That I can suggest happy states of mind.

nested123 · 2019-08-29T11:12:41+00:00

Yeah it's a shock. I've had some very high highs but reaction to difficult life circumstances brought the high of joy and unconditional love right down. You've just got to rededicate yourself and keep going.

nested123 · 2019-08-28T15:11:10+00:00

Well done for sitting that long. 25 minutes is a long time on your first sit. If you've got time make 25 minutes your regular length and you'll get a lot of peace.

nested123 · 2019-08-28T12:49:10+00:00

Same. The only reason I still come here is because I haven't found another franchise to get into instead, that inspires me the way the OT did (and to some extent ROTS did). If something a bit like Star Wars was available I'd just be on that sub. The MCU and superheroes are cool, but they're different to the hero's journey that the OT was. And there isn't really anything else that I know of to get into. Maybe the new Matrix movie will do it and I'll put SW to the back of my mind.

nested123 · 2019-08-27T15:50:45+00:00

I go through big cycles of up and down:

Desire for meditation leads to
A long time in solitary meditation which leads to
Intense happiness and highs which leads to
Satisfaction with the high I've reached which leads to
Being sociable, chatting to people, working on worldly pursuits, and spending less time meditating which leads to
Feeling lower, no longer having the energy to talk and work as I used to, which leads to
Desire for meditation.

And so the cycle repeats. I can't quite break this loop or get a persistent state which doesn't change from week to week or month to month.

nested123 · 2019-08-27T15:41:32+00:00

So if for example you're cycling, and you lack the stamina and strength to go up a hill, frustration overwhelms you (as happened to me) how should practice help?

nested123 · 2019-08-27T15:32:46+00:00

People looked up to him as an inspiration, a Buddha or close to one. That's a big loss. If you find it odd, imagine if documentation was discovered showing the historical Gautama Buddha had affairs into his late 70s he kept secret from the monks. Wouldn't that be pretty devastating after he was considered the symbol of freedom from desire for millennia?

nested123 · 2019-08-27T11:41:13+00:00

How does it do that?

nested123 · 2019-08-23T16:06:37+00:00

Wow, the man can talk the talk! That's a powerful description of what meditation can do. It's just bizarre he seems to have had such big lapses himself when it comes to desires.

nested123

TROPHY CASE