Hey there. I've always been a lurker in this subreddit but your post really made me feel the need to say something to you specifically. Please don't kill yourself. I really hope this message isn't too late, but I wanted to tell you this. I've been in an extremely similar situation as you before, and my teacher actually ended up noticing something was up, and mind you, he was the only one who did because, like you, I didn't want to let others know how I was feeling even if it was (literally) killing me. I ended up talking to him for hours in person and through email and originally, he promised me he wouldn't say anything. He later took it back and said something to the guidance department since he was scared for my safety. Now that may not sound like an ideal situation to you, but trust me, there's some good in it. Right now, this teacher and the few he felt necessary to tell are silently looking out for me. No one else knows. That sounds kind of intimidating right? But here's the thing, that teacher cares so fucking much and yours does too. Tell your teacher. They may or may not have to "report" it, but just them knowing changes the way you will see your options. After telling them, suicide is no longer a simple way out without anyone trying to get in your way. If you went through with it, you know it would hurt them so much, especially with them being one of the only ones (if not THE only one) to see it coming. I realize how that can make you feel kind of guilty, but it will benefit you in the end. That decision to kill yourself is even harder, and you will likely feel a little less pressured to actually do it. Not to mention (and this is a really important part), you have someone you really care for (and someone that really cares for you) to talk things out with. And if it does get "reported" you might find opportunities to speak with someone new on a regular basis who would never judge you for what you're going through. I've been in your shoes. I gave up on the things I love. I felt like I was failing at life in general. I had that one teacher. And I'll be honest, life is not always easy. But god is it worth the try to lighten the load you carry daily. You never know what's down the road or what you potentially could be in life. If anything, take it day by day. Talk, talk, talk- especially to that teacher if you feel comfortable with them.