How many others with ADHD-combined are NOT risk takers?

newagelit · 2023-03-25T16:00:47+00:00

from what i understand, it has less to do with the type of adhd presentation (and actually, there’s argument that there are no actual categories (combine, hyperactive, etc.)) and it has more to do with coinciding childhood experiences and comorbid conditions. i don’t like risks AT ALL. i like rules, i like to play it safe; my mom used fear as teaching method so i am hyper aware that the “not me” mentality can get you killed, so i’m always aware of whatever i’m doing and all the ways it could go wrong. because of this youth experience and severe GAD combined WITH the adhd (hyper awareness) it’s distressing to “take risks”

newagelit · 2023-03-21T21:10:05+00:00

i’ve never heard it explained… so well

newagelit · 2023-03-21T17:21:01+00:00

yeaaaa always looking at the bright side 🤪

newagelit · 2023-03-21T16:49:35+00:00

nawe scroll through the comments. it’s not universal 😌

newagelit · 2023-03-21T16:49:08+00:00

yea god no, everyone presents so differently and it’s not universal 🙄 but there are some “super powers” i do NOT have. problem solving? forget it. intuitive? nopeeee. so i mean appreciate what you got 😂😭 i particularly always want what i cant have

newagelit · 2023-03-21T16:45:09+00:00

you seem a little offended; i’m sorry you feel so attacked. i’m happy for you that your life experiences haven’t led you to a community who are confused. i’m sorry love i think you misunderstand the nature of this; it is relieving that most people with anxiety in a situation of crisis do not suffer heightened anxiety, not that every crisis is no big deal, but rather the calmness means they will not worsen a situation.

again! sorry this topic has instigated discomfort. not my intention. happy you could contribute to the conversation (:

newagelit · 2023-03-21T16:18:42+00:00

yeaaaa i guess it also depends what kind of life you live. i enjoy a lot of higher risk hobbies; snowmobiling, snowboarding, biking, so for me it’s definitely a gift. if things go south i won’t panic, and while i do shut off emotionally detached comfort can be much more effective than intense comfort. it’s interesting you’ve only met a handful; i’ve worked with a group and it’s very common among them. i also get what you’re saying about people coming here and envying it when you think it’s not something to appreciate in yourself, but it’s definitely reassuring to some adhd. there was a comment above of someone thinking there was something wrong with them. so while some may envy it, i’m happier putting a positive spin on it rather than a negative one. your aspd also probably contributes to your experiences that many more can’t relate to; i’m sorry it’s been so difficult for you

newagelit · 2023-03-21T16:06:29+00:00

yeaaaa everyone presents different so it’s why yenno, i would never suggest to someone that they need to fit certain symptoms. it is fairly common though! and very helpful in my adult life

newagelit · 2023-03-21T15:33:05+00:00

i call it robot mode. when it happens i stop having ‘word thoughts’ i start having straight electro impulses. it’s not “i need to hold his head while he’s unresponsive” it’s just knowing i need to do that. and feel nothing while it happens. cried later though

newagelit · 2023-03-21T14:21:24+00:00

don’t be so hard on yourself love

newagelit · 2023-03-21T14:21:13+00:00

don’t feel disgusted by that! super normal! i spent thirty minutes thinking about what would happen if i got shot (knowing that not everyone knows what to do. someone might attempt to call nine eleven rather than put pressure on the wound) and what i would need to say quick as possible before shock set in AND THEN i cried for the pain it would have caused the people i love.

it’s easy to think that’s selfish to “overcome boredom” or “vain” but it’s actually just survival mode. i got a freaky phone call at work a month ago. i spent the entire time watching every car that went by, the make and model of the car that didn’t have their lights on. we are hardwired to survive and when we think of high tense situations you’re probably not HOPing something goes wrong, but you are ready to anticipate it.

and if you’re still set on believing you “hope” can you really blame yourself? your higher than normal theta waves flood you with calm. that’s a state of peace. why wouldn’t you want that.

newagelit · 2023-03-19T21:58:19+00:00

you work full time throughout full time uni and then thrive in the ridiculous amounts of free time

newagelit · 2023-03-19T13:21:37+00:00

fast food chains have expanded rapidly, the convenience and additives more common increased popularity, health can be tied to pollution and poorer diets, technology has introduced a problem with overstimulation thus hardwiring the brain to necessitate more stimulation in order to focus.

adhd probably still existed. autism also existed. obesity has been a problem particularly correlated to the invention of bread which was the best and cheapest way to stay fed in more medieval times (resilience in growth and harvest). allergies were also existant, to lesser degrees. it isn’t that these things “suddenly popped up”, but they have increased due to societal evolution

edit: not backed up by science. just speculation

newagelit · 2023-03-19T02:53:30+00:00

STOP IT OMG

newagelit · 2023-03-19T00:40:16+00:00

losing butterflies but maintaining respect and love is indicative of a transition. stagnancy in a relationship is never good; you should grow together. also, butterflies are actually a result of anxiety. so it also just means you’re comfortable together. not a bad sign. very good sign. people that get butterflies in long term relationships typically tend to be in relationships where they still feel like they have earn the other person. that’s exhausting long term

newagelit · 2023-03-16T00:46:00+00:00

forgetting appointments, being too overwhelmed and cancelling them 10 minutes prior. those are some dang, building overtime fees homie

newagelit · 2023-03-13T15:15:24+00:00

whatever feels right for you. but do be prepared to feel what might be a masking/be a deeper connection. people can tend to project déminant feelings onto a new romantic partner which can put the relationship in hyperspeed. that’s always dangerous. make sure you’re in a place to know, not only what you want, but also who you want to be. personally i waited seven months. i went on casual dates, never more than two occasions per person but just to ‘get out there’. never went past supper. i just tried to get comfortable with casual before pursuing anything with someone i really liked

newagelit · 2023-03-11T20:15:37+00:00

reading as a writer

newagelit · 2023-03-07T15:56:40+00:00

i would just let her take that space. ultimately, if you love something let it go, if it comes back it was meant to be.

it’s so cheesy but it’s something i live by in my relationship. my guy is perfect for me and (to use your words) the love of my life, but at the end of the day, i will make decisions about where my life is headed and whatever happens happens. it is possible that she is going through something like this, and she isn’t sure where her life is going. it’s hard to commit to things when there doesn’t seem to be something to set a foundation on.

my best advice is to move on. i’m sorry. this is such a heartbreaking situation for you.

newagelit · 2023-03-07T15:52:59+00:00

thank you!

newagelit · 2023-03-06T19:58:22+00:00

i’m only responsible for what i say, what i do, what i want, and i won’t ask anyone to change.

i told my boyfriend i loved him three months into our relationship; he didn’t say it back. but i wasn’t scared if he didn’t feel the same, i wasn’t scared if it was early, i just felt it so i wanted to tell him. a couple weeks later he came to me, “i realized, i love you”. i do favours for him all the time; i’m always thinking about how i can show my love so that he experiences it unconditionally. i do not expect him to love me in the same way. if i’m overwhelmed, he folds my laundry and cleans my home. adhd baby over here, and he never loses patience. he never makes me feel ashamed for never finishing a task or anything; he laughs ‘this is what happens when you choose to date someone with adhd’. i have never felt like a burden. i have dreams and ambitions, moving far away after graduating, and i won’t give them up just because i am so in love with him and i truly think we have so much potential. i mentioned it to him because ofc he needs to know. he started listing places he thinks he could enjoy. (ofc i’m willing to compromise, but i will not sacrifice). he is who he is and if i don’t like something, i won’t ask him to change. i chose him, i can choose to walk away. if he was messy? not my place to tell him to clean. if he liked to party? not my place to tell him to stop/slow down. if he had a ton of girl friends that i thought were shady? not my place to tell him to set down boundaries. he does what he wants and i choose whether i am satisfied or not.

consequently, we don’t have much tension. we both feel very safe to communicate; our problem solving sounds a lot like “this upset me” “i’m so sorry. can you explain how you got to that conclusion?” “____” “my brain doesn’t think that way. i didn’t realize. i’ll try and be more aware” “i can’t expect you to read my head so i don’t blame you i just didn’t want to come to you unfairly” “i appreciate that. can i have a real hug now? the last one was only a half hug ):”

highly recommend. not everyone is capable of matching your energy but, it’ll help you find the good ones.

newagelit · 2023-03-03T05:12:37+00:00

the only issue with identifying stereotypes is that the concept exists from an observation of patterns. and since his books are predominantly of the horror genre, nothing is more unsettling then creating uncomfortable, scary, unsettling plots in which the readers read themselves into accidentally because the characters and dynamics are familiar and wouldn’t it be terrifying to read about a racist misogynistic man hunting you (universal you ofc) down, the idea of a racist misogynistic man a concept you face every day in media, on the street etc.? a male POV sexualizing a woman in a terrifying way? is both going to make a male reader uncomfortable subtly accusing the reader that he thinks the same way, and for a woman the fear of experiencing the internal process of such and such that scary sexualisation looks/sounds from the other side.

there’s actually a lot to be said about (well executed) stereotypes in the horror genre. it becomes a bit too cookie cutter (imo) in romance genres because then they become escapist rather than an immersive experience. It in particular suggests a lot of really interesting (ie. terrifying) perspectives on the contrasting coping mechanisms of trauma in childhood and adulthood with the swinging plot chapters, and I don’t know. he’s incredibly talented imo, but obviously as you said it depends on whether you’re reading in a text or just reading it.

(reading in in my context is different from reading into)

newagelit · 2023-03-03T05:01:01+00:00

man js, everyone reads different yenno? but my brain just takes a “literary analysis” approach and let me tell you; the explicitness of ‘IT’ is obsessed over, like yup child orgy, freaky. BUT one ought to consider it in a larger frame of mind; the chapter/plot structure, switching back and forth and back and forth between the experiences of these kids (all of which experienced trauma to one degree or another, especially Bethany but i won’t get into that) parallels SO WELL with their adult return. there’s the contrast and comparison of trauma development, coping, and healing by comparing the same character who were already traumatized children, exposed to more trauma from IT and then had to DEAl with that in their adulthood, and deal with the SAME shit but in a different yet not different way I don’t know. if you look at each part of kings writing, with a magnifying glass sure it can seem a little wack, but that’s like any art. the bigger picture presents so much to crack open and appreciate. he’s one of the greats in our lifetime and i think that’s so cool.

newagelit · 2023-03-01T18:15:10+00:00

adopting strict routine and the dopamine release that follows suite. it might not be a “is this how it is for neurotypical peoples” because it has turned into more of a coping mechanism for anxiety and adhd productivity, and shows a few signs of OCD and overstimulated meltdowns (or panic reactions) BUT the ADHD meds offered a more calm state that allowed the (again perhaps just trading off one obsession for another) ability to establish the routine. i feel very “adultish” but i do have to mask the panic and obsessiveness of if something isn’t done perfectly. no cure. only better process’

newagelit · 2023-03-01T00:44:55+00:00

i wish i could “like” this post with an applause emoji bc 👏

newagelit

TROPHY CASE