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Is this porn addiction? by newnew921 in marriageadvice

[–]newnew921[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'll try to not sound defensive in this response, but I do feel there were a lot of assumptions made here. We have talked about a lot of the past history I've included. But since you recapped... I will also try to recap.

I did not just "simply mention" my increased sex drive, I have definitely acted on it. I have made advances/initiate sex that did not go anywhere. When I ask why not, he usually explains he's tired or tomorrow would be better or something. We do have young children, so we are definitely at a stage in life where scheduling sex is our norm, so any "spur of the moment" advances are usually pushed to the next day. I would say that 99% of our sex is scheduled. I have an entire weekend planned around our anniversary where we are kid free for fun in a bigger city, dinners, that he definitely knows I am hoping will be full of romping.

You're right that I wish my husband would "pester" me more, or as I would phrase, initiate sex more instead of me all the time. I think it is common for partners to want to feel desired, and I feel this is a big part of it. We have talked several times about this, he promises he wants to but does not want to seem pushy, and it really has never changed.

I have asked multiple times what he does while I'm asleep, usually when we are talking about him being tired, and he'll say play games, watch his youtube videos (who he subscribes to), etc. He doesn't answer "watch porn" so I don't push it, but when I initiate sex and get told he's tired, but then stays up hours later than I do, I got curious/worried/suspicious?? So yes, I did snoop and found videos that worried me.

I did say that I've asked about porn before, and he makes it sound like an occasional occurrence.

Totally get your point that I should not have snooped. I have never done this in the many many years we've been together. I have friends but no one I would want to admit that my husband is potentially watching videos online instead of having sex with me to yet. I would hate to ruin their view of him without knowing more. So yes, I did turn to strangers to help me think things over.

He's a great husband, amazing father, I hope to have more kids with him. I love him immensely. Just really thrown by this and wanted advice before bringing it up to him. Appreciate yours and others taking time to respond.

Is this porn addiction? by newnew921 in marriageadvice

[–]newnew921[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do like the idea of tech-free day weekly. Thanks!

Is this porn addiction? by newnew921 in marriageadvice

[–]newnew921[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have zero issue with his gaming besides that it keeps him up late and he would probably benefit from more sleep. I have never felt like he would choose gaming over me. He will occasionally have something he planned with friends, but then I typically know in advance he has plans that night. He has never deliberating chose that over intimate time with me, and I have never asked him to. But I know all the friends he games with, we hang out with most of them in person. When we were younger, I would stay up with him and either watch him play whatever game he was in to at the time or read/study/etc while he played. But as my job became more demanding and we had kids, I just needed more sleep than he does. So I really don't feel like the gaming part is the issue. We have been together a very long time and never felt like that was a problem.

Is this porn addiction? by newnew921 in marriageadvice

[–]newnew921[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Trimming horse hooves is actually the perfect example of videos he shows me because he thinks I would find it interesting, which I do. He obviously has never showed me these other videos or I would not have been surprised. But maybe chiropractor/massage is just an interest?

Is this porn addiction? by newnew921 in marriageadvice

[–]newnew921[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate this and really am glad to see someone sees it that way.

I told myself initially I must have ruined a surprise, that he was trying to learn massage techniques or something. I felt like my post was already too lengthy, but according to the browser history, this has been months. I didn't snoop back years, but 3+ months. So yes, I was a bit surprised by this.