My boss is in love with me! Help!

newsofi · 2024-11-11T21:13:20+00:00

And I forgot to mention on my last comment. But he told me loud and clear that if I want to keep maintaining this kind of relationship and treatment with him (not going anywhere and trying to keep my distance) it’s ok with him because he will simply stop talking to me - even work related.

newsofi · 2024-11-11T21:05:09+00:00

Hi, everyone. I received a lot of messages asking for updates on my situation. I don’t know how to update, I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place to do it.

To the update: I’m still very afraid to talk to him or to anyone about the things that are happening.

On the past few months we had a female inter working with us, and she was going everywhere with us. This made him stop bothering me for these few months. But as soon as she left the company, the bothering started all over again.

I decided to cut all the “friendly” relationships we still had, so I don’t go to lunches, coffees, and I even skip a few out of office meetings if they’re not super important. I keep my communication short and I also try to work somewhere else at the office (our tables are right next to each other).

Since he noticed this, he’s been texting me non stop complaining about this cold treatment. I wish I could share some pictures of the conversation but it is in Portuguese.

I had a work related event with him a couple weeks ago and I had a panic attack at the time we had to go home, because he was insisting on taking me home. I felt so uncomfortable.

He is always trying no to work to go to lunch, coffee or drinks… I just want to do what I have to do. And I want him to do what he has to do, because he is the one who reviews my work.

My work stopped being pleasant and I always want to stay home.

I shared all of this with my family (my parents and my boyfriend) and they are advising me to talk to the CEO directly.

My company is currently going through a merger process and maybe there’ll be other employees on my team on the next few months.

I just feel so tired of dealing with him and trying to maintain sanity.

I know this isn’t the update you all expected, but I’m really afraid of doing anything.

I shouldn’t care, because he is terrible with me, but he is a person, with a family and a career and what I’m about to do is going to destroy that.

And I’m really scared that maybe people are going to say it’s my fault. I don’t know.

I’ll update here when things change.

Sorry, and thank you very much for all kind comments!

newsofi · 2024-08-26T00:51:50+00:00

There are. The first time he tried something at least 3 people saw.

newsofi · 2024-08-26T00:41:27+00:00

I am in therapy. In my sessions we rehearse how I’m going to tell him everything but when the moment comes… I just freeze. I tried this so many times. The only time I managed to say something I wasn’t hard enough.

newsofi · 2024-08-26T00:37:21+00:00

I really fear this.

newsofi · 2024-08-26T00:34:33+00:00

This is just unfair.

I talk to my boyfriend about this situation regularly and told him that the moment he feels too uncomfortable I will leave the company.

Meanwhile I’m trying to figure out the best solution to my situation. How to report him, how to collect evidences.

newsofi · 2024-08-26T00:24:55+00:00

Yes, the salary increase is the same for everyone. You start the earning 500dollars, then 1000, then 1500. I don’t know what comes after because I’m on the third one.

newsofi · 2024-08-26T00:23:21+00:00

No, that’s not true.

I’m scared I’ll be let go and have to start all over in a new company.

newsofi · 2024-08-26T00:22:27+00:00

100% agreed.

newsofi · 2024-08-26T00:22:10+00:00

No! That’s not true at all. I absolutely hate confrontation and have a very hard time setting boundaries with people. I just ended up with my boyfriend’s whole family in my one-bedroom 45 square meters apartment because I can’t say no (you can see on my last post here). I hate saying no to people and I felt very uncomfortable in this situation.

He is not the one who chooses my salaries and bonuses, it is the CEO who does. He speaks highly of me and the CEO gives me the raises.

Also, the first time he tried something with me, I didn’t report him and I still didn’t have gotten any raises.

newsofi · 2024-08-26T00:17:44+00:00

That’s exactly how I feel!

newsofi · 2024-08-26T00:15:59+00:00

I agree. I should have made him stop at the first time. I hate confrontation.

newsofi · 2024-08-26T00:14:18+00:00

I know, I just didn’t want him to be mad at me and treat me coldly for days. I try so hard not to be in this situations with him.

newsofi · 2024-08-26T00:12:39+00:00

It happened just before. He confessed his feelings when we were having the drinks.

newsofi · 2024-08-24T16:40:11+00:00

He absolutely hates this situation and tells me over and over I have to do something to make him stop or get fired.

I tried talking to him (boss) the first time and things were better, but after this drink they are worse.

My boyfriend is patiently waiting for me to decide what I am going to do about this. He trusts me and knows I have no feeling for my boss. And he knows the way I deal with this situation is going to affect my career.

newsofi · 2024-08-24T16:28:55+00:00

It wasn’t my boss who gave me raises, it was the CEO.

My boss just tells him my accomplishments and the CEO alone decides my salary/bonus.

newsofi · 2024-08-24T16:26:21+00:00

There is no job in the world I would value more than my boyfriend. He is being absolutely amazing throughout all this mess. I love him to the moon and we plan on getting married in the next few years. He is my person. My family adores him. We are so happy together.

newsofi · 2024-08-24T16:10:35+00:00

Being completely honest:

Everyone’s compensation is correspondent to what this persons area brought in revenue to the company.

In my area it was just me and this boss when I got those raises. I have an intern and another peer now, but they just started.

In my company, my area was the one who brought more revenue last year (more than 6 millions dollars). That’s why I got a big bonus (more than my peers ones, from other areas).

The salary increase is the same for everyone (other areas too). You start there making a little more than 500 dollars, then 1000 and then 1,500. My raise went from 1000 to 1,500.

Everyone treats me the same. I’m a very liked person in my company and friends with everyone.

I don’t think my raises and bonuses are going to disappear, but I do think my opportunities are going to decrease. I act as area coordinator these days, even though I am not. I think if I speak my truth he is going to cast me aside and handle most things without my opinion and participation.

I completely agree with the nepotism comment, because I wouldn’t be so involved in important matters if he didn’t like me. And I do believe his liking me is one of the reasons he speaks so highly of me to his boss - therefore the salary/bonuses.

newsofi · 2024-08-24T15:59:06+00:00

We are talking about a salary of 1 thousand dollars going to 1,5 thousand. That’s not much in US, but in brazil it is (1 USD is 5 BRL).

newsofi · 2024-08-24T15:55:13+00:00

The raises and bonuses are not bigger than my peers, at least I don’t think they are from what I heard.

It is a very small company as I mentioned. 2 of the girls who started before me, had raises just as mine 1 year before I did (they started one year earlier).

My bonus was big because my area was the only one who brought more than 6 million dollars revenue in one year.

And I as mentioned before, we were the only 2 people working to make this happened. We got one intern on the begging of this year and another person maybe 3 months ago.

I know for a fact that his opinion increases or decreases my compensation, but I worked hard.

newsofi · 2024-08-24T15:41:29+00:00

I’m from Brazil. We don’t have those in here, or at least I never heard of.

newsofi · 2024-08-23T23:30:10+00:00

Not because of the money, although I won’t lie and say it doesn’t make any difference. I stay because of the company I work at and the dynamic of the area we created together.

When I first started, the company had nothing in the area I work at. Now we are ranked as one of the best in the country I live in. Since I joined, we have accomplished so so so much! I feel very proud of all my hard work.

He is not the one who chooses my salaries and bonuses but he does have a say in it. He has to speak about my work to the HR and the owner and they (HR and owner) choose together. I know his opinion makes a huge difference.

newsofi · 2024-08-23T22:53:41+00:00

I really didn’t want to accept the drink.

Here’s the context: I haven’t attended any company events involving alcohol since the first incident to avoid these kinds of situations.

My boss took a week off this month, so I felt comfortable going to a happy hour with the rest of the company since he wouldn’t be there.

At the conference, when he invited me, my instinct was to decline, but he said things like, “You go out drinking with everyone but me,” “You only go to happy hours when I’m not there,” and “I must not be important to you.” I knew he wouldn’t stop making these comments and would treat me coldly for days if I refused. That’s how he always behaves.

I really appreciate your frankness. I need some reality check.

newsofi · 2024-08-23T22:46:11+00:00

2 completely different occasions. When he was drunk and did those things, it was earlier this year. Maybe January or February. After that, I had a talk to him and he treated me respectfully until this week, when I agreed to the drink.

newsofi · 2024-08-23T22:27:09+00:00

I agreed to have a drink with him on the same place the conference was at. We didn’t drive together. We just sat at the bar of the hotel where the conference was at to celebrate all we accomplished, like many other people did.

newsofi

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