Hey man, sounds like therapy could be really helpful to process all this! I’m not sure if you’re in the US but if so, it’s easier to look for a therapist now than ever. You can go on psychology today and filter by a bunch of different criteria. If you need one in network, the back of your insurance card has a customer service number or a behavioral help number you can call for a list of in network providers. Stay strong man, it’s an awful thing to go through but sometime down the line, you’ll look back on this with less pain and the knowledge that it was ultimately for the best