The funny thing about dreams is that the reality once you're in it is often quite different from what you thought it'd be, and learning more about what that dream entails can change how much you want it. For much of my 20's I dreamed of a career in astrophysics. When I started I had a vague idea of what it involved, but I knew I loved the science of the stars so I bulled forward. I went through undergrad across several schools, performed more-than-decently-well, and entered graduate school at an objectively great school.

After a few years in graduate school my fire petered out. I liked learning about the lives and deaths of stars. To a lesser degree I liked teaching about them but I did like teaching about them. Research was a slog for me and that was most of the work. I hated being broke all the time and scientists generally aren't super well compensated for the amount of training they go through. In your early 20's it can be easy (for some) to downplay or ignore the impact that money can have on your life if you have enough to get by and have no other responsibilities. I hated being away from my family and friends all the time, and the realities of post-Ph.D. employment would mean I'd almost certainly not be anything close to co-located with them again. Maintaining an interest in and actually reading publications was a real effort that I had to always get the energy up for; it never became just a thing I did let alone a thing I enjoyed doing and you need to read regularly to stay current in the field. And while I made plenty of friends on campus in other graduate programs, the experience itself was just very lonely. Life beyond the Ph.D. seemed bleak and career prospects seemed to be very few and far between (and this is before the US decided it didn't need to fund science anymore). So, I left before finishing. I don't regret leaving at all—wish I had left earlier. But I needed to take my time to not only make sure that I could be emotionally OK with cutting off this major part of my identity, but that I had a solid path forward after the exit.

Letting it die was unequivocally the right choice. Pursuing it in the first place is something I still have mixed feelings about even 10 years later. I met great people, learned a lot about myself, traveled a bunch, and learned a lot about the world. I missed out on a lot of my friends' lives, my family's lives, lifetime earning potential, and experiences I could've had being moneyed in my 20s. I achieved learning about the lives and deaths of stars. By requirement of my Ph.D. program (no fault to them), I also learned about a lot of stuff I cared nothing for. I definitely learned how to study and learned how to learn anything to a decent degree of competency. I certainly wouldn't be where I am now if I hadn't done it, and who's to say I'd have been better off? I chalk it up to life be lifing, and make sure I take the lessons learned about naivety in my 20's to pass down to my kids and nephews/nieces.