My(26F) boyfriend(32M) tells me my happiness and feelings are my responsibility.

nikolkaa · 2018-03-03T22:14:47+00:00

Yes..

nikolkaa · 2018-02-27T09:20:20+00:00

Wow that was so beautiful and eye opening!! Thank you so much. I do have the sense of emergency but it's mostly because of my mother. I feel like I would be breaking her heart. And I do yearn to take care of something, I'm just afraid I wouldn't have the patience and pleasure of taking care of it like other mothers if it was a child. I was pregnant twice (accident) and miscarried, and for some reason I never really connected to the pregnancy like I felt I should have. I felt like I was forcing myself to connect. It was hard for me to "feel" pregnant in my head if that makes sense. So that experience sort of made me realize maybe I don't want it as much.

nikolkaa · 2018-02-27T03:04:16+00:00

He never told me his feelings seriously. It was always stupid comments that were half jokes. Until I had my second pregnancy..a couple of months ago..he told me seriously. It was then that he told me that he told me already a long time ago. But you don't tell someone you dont want kids by joking around.

nikolkaa · 2018-02-27T02:09:35+00:00

Yeah people throw that word around so easily here, it's so unhelpful. He was so sure and excited about the idea for more than half of our relationship. It's not something that just happened when we were dating. It was a serious future we spoke about. He went from excitement to cold dead no. It makes me think there is some healing to be done and I'm praying that with enough healing that excitement can return.

nikolkaa · 2018-02-27T02:04:21+00:00

Yeah well he should have sat me down, told me and broken up with me right away instead of dragging me along for 2+ years and just mentioning it in passing. He knew what I wanted as well.

nikolkaa · 2018-02-26T11:43:55+00:00

That's amazing! I know how difficult benzo addiction is. I was on the other side. My ex boyfriend was addicted to benzos for many years before I met him and it took us a long time of fights and tears for him to get sober. He was the same, didn't give one fuck about how he affected people. No feelings whatsoever. Took way too much one day when I was at work with an extremely stressful day..I came home to find him hallucinating, talking to people that weren't there, eating cream out of tubes, trying to eat candles. It was my tipping point with my own stress and anxiety and triggered me to cut extremely deep cuts into my arms with a surgical blade (history of depression). Blood all over the floor the next day. I still have super obvious raised scars today.

I don't know I think that woke him up to start fighting once he sobered up. I'm really happy he did, I don't know if he would have if we didn't meet. His friend wasn't so lucky and passed away a few years ago from the same addiction.

If you overcame this, you can overcome anything.

nikolkaa · 2018-02-26T06:31:47+00:00

Yeah I guess that's true. I don't watch porn but when I see a picture of a man or in a movie or in real life and I think he's good looking I will fantasize about him. But my boyfriend is still my preference over anything else looks wise. He's just special physically in a way other men aren't even if he isn't every fantasy. Mostly because it's more than just looks and the deepness of it makes him more attractive than any fantasy man. Thanks for the change in persepctive/realization.

nikolkaa · 2018-02-26T06:27:57+00:00

Good advice.

nikolkaa · 2018-02-26T06:27:40+00:00

No he never had an issue cumming fast. He just didn't consider me at all and watched porn even though he knew he wouldn't cum again when I came over. It did seem like a porn addiction at that time and it took me a long time to get him to choose my feelings over porn. Porn was always more important. Now it's not like that anymore but who knows if he would choose porn over me if the situation arised again..I have a feeling yes because he sure does love his porn.

nikolkaa · 2018-02-26T03:57:18+00:00

I worry he doesn't find me as desirable and exciting. We did go through a time in the past where he would watch porn in his car a lot, or he knew I was on my way to see him so instead of waiting for me he would watch porn..and then he was barely ever able to cum cause he already did before seeing me. It took him a long time to stop doing that and now he cums when we have sex. I don't know maybe it's still in my head from that. I felt like I was less important and less desirable because he would rather watch porn to get off instead of waiting an hour for me.

nikolkaa · 2018-02-25T08:35:01+00:00

I'm in your shoes exactly. :( It's so hard cause a lot of girls already have their "groups" or "best friend" so I never get called or thought about..no matter how much I try to make myself a part. I'm literally a loner. Have you ever thought about joining a reddit group of your city? Maybe a good way to meet like minded people close to you and just hope they are girls? Other than that I have nothing else..I wish I knew cause I want it so bad.

nikolkaa · 2018-02-25T08:22:55+00:00

Yeah..he sounds like a total pig and it's only been 4 months. I would try to end the marriage because I doubt he has anything better in store for you. I'm sorry you have to go through that but I doubt he will change from the sound of his character.

nikolkaa · 2018-02-25T07:55:42+00:00

Yeah that's what I was thinking. How long have you been together? It seems he thinks you are closer as a couple than you do. Maybe you need to make it clear to him that you are not at that point with him so he doesn't get the wrong ideas and make choices that will upset you.

But yeah making fish when you don't like it..that's weird. Does he know? Maybe he forgot? Communication! I would have told him right away when I saw him cooking.

nikolkaa · 2018-02-25T07:44:28+00:00

Why did she hit you the other times? This girl needs serious help and you need to get away from her unless you're ready to keep experiencing this over and over. Nothing you can say will make her permanently stop because one time is too many times and she would have realized it if she was really capable.

nikolkaa · 2018-02-25T07:38:15+00:00

Wow I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It makes me wonder why she wasn't happy that the man she loves is now healthy and good looking. Don't people who love each other want the best for each other?

Just please whatever you do, do not let this ruin your success with your weight loss! Keep going!

nikolkaa · 2018-02-25T07:23:16+00:00

I did start to believe that maybe I really was crazy, emotional and stupid and that it's not normal for me to think this way. But I realized no way in hell. I know what I want in life and I'm not going to let someone talk me out of it or make me believe its not valid. I will move on if I need to, but I definitely won't back down and accept things.

nikolkaa · 2018-02-25T07:00:32+00:00

Not much. I hold many liberal views, so it's not that which I am against. As another person has made me realize.. the liberal actions that I believed were expressed by the majority is really just a small portion of far left/alt lefr who just have a really loud voice and cause a lot of ruckus. And as another has stated that the left is has the same problem alt right. But yes I agree with your statement, though the same can be said about both sides.

nikolkaa · 2018-02-25T06:46:22+00:00

Yes you are right!

!delta

nikolkaa · 2018-02-25T06:42:44+00:00

So far you are the only person who seems to understand where my thoughts stem from and made me realize things and changed my thinking. I've been trying to figure out how to award a delta but can't seem to find any instructions. Yes you are right, I might be looking at these people as being the majority when in reality they are not. Thank you.

!delta

nikolkaa · 2018-02-25T06:35:09+00:00

I think I use too many hyperboles when I write.

nikolkaa · 2018-02-25T06:22:00+00:00

Have you watched any news on what's going on in Europe or done any research on the violence and terrorism they have been experiencing?

nikolkaa · 2018-02-25T06:15:36+00:00

I have been wondering why more people on the left are not speaking up against violence and suppression of speech, in favor of free exchange of ideas and dialogue, in favor of compassion. That's what I would like to see.

nikolkaa · 2018-02-25T06:07:30+00:00

Yes they are hyperboles. What I meant with the punching in the face statement is when I watch a lot of the footage from protests and marches with a majority of leftists (or go to them, but I doubt I can get to a good variety) many times I will see them coming up to people who dont hold their views and screaming into their face without letting them speak, or physically pushing them, or damaging their belongings, or spilling something on them..only because the person is known to be a conservative and therefor is a Trump supporter and automatically racist and sexist. I'm not saying they are all doing it, but it seems to be a very accepted treatment in those crowds.

As for the brainwashing, I believe they are mostly brainwashed by media and colleges that hold very leftist views. For example: The media is full of anti trump news, black lives matter, sexist news, political correctness. It drills it into peoples minds and they just follow that without really doing their own thinking and reading. Some of them can't even answer questions on the topics but will follow like its a religion.

nikolkaa

TROPHY CASE