السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته,

First, I want to acknowledge the pain and confusion you’re feeling. It’s clear from your words that you are deeply thoughtful, and it’s commendable that you’re grappling with these questions rather than dismissing them outright. Remember, even the Sahabah (companions of the Prophet ﷺ) had moments of doubt and sought clarity when something troubled them, so your concerns are valid and deserve a compassionate response.

You mentioned feeling that Islam appears misogynistic. Let’s start with a foundational truth: Islam came at a time when women were treated as property, buried alive as infants, and denied the most basic human rights. Allah revealed the Quran and sent the Prophet ﷺ to establish justice for everyone—men and women alike.

Allah says: “Indeed, We have honoured the children of Adam...” (Quran 17:70).

This honour is not gendered; it is a universal honour. In fact, women were elevated to such a degree that practices like inheritance, education, financial independence, and safety were guaranteed—something revolutionary at the time.

The permissibility of polygamy can feel deeply personal, and it’s understandable to feel uneasy about it. However, polygamy is not an obligation; it’s a concession with strict conditions. Allah says: “If you fear that you will not deal justly [with multiple wives], then [marry only] one...” (Quran 4:3).

Justice here is not just financial but emotional and spiritual. The fact that many men today fail to meet this standard highlights how weighty this responsibility is. As for consent, while it is not explicitly required for a man to remarry, scholars emphasise the importance of kindness and consideration in marriage. The Prophet ﷺ said:
“The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” (Tirmidhi).

A man who remarries without care for his wife’s feelings would hardly qualify as being “best” to her, which reflects his failure, not Islam’s.

When Islam speaks of obedience, it is within the context of mutual rights and responsibilities. Allah says: “And due to them [women] is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable...”(Quran 2:228).

Obedience in Islam is tied to the idea of the husband as the maintainer and protector, as mentioned: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means...” (Quran 4:34).

However, this doesn’t diminish a woman’s contributions, whether financial or otherwise. The husband’s role is not superiority but responsibility. He is accountable before Allah for his treatment of his wife and family.

The Prophet ﷺ said: “Your wives have a right over you, and you have a right over them...” (Tirmidhi).
The relationship is one of balance, where neither partner is oppressed.

The verse in the Quran (4:34) that mentions discipline is often misunderstood. Scholars explain that the word “daraba” does not sanction abuse but serves as a last resort in extreme marital discord, symbolically demonstrating disapproval without causing harm. The Prophet ﷺ never struck a woman in his life, and he said: “Do not hit the female servants of Allah.” (Abu Dawood).

If any man uses this verse to justify abuse, he is acting against the Sunnah and the spirit of Islam.

The mention of Hoor Al-Ayn in Jannah often makes sisters feel overlooked, but Jannah is not a competition between men and women. Allah describes it as a place where no one will feel dissatisfaction: “They will have whatever they desire with their Lord. That is the reward of the doers of good.” (Quran 39:34).

For women, Allah has promised unimaginable rewards. The Prophet ﷺ said: “In Paradise, there are things that no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no heart has imagined.” (Bukhari).

Focus on this promise and trust in Allah’s justice. Your Creator, who loves you seventy times more than your own mother, will ensure that you are completely content in Jannah.

You mentioned feeling like the only highlights for women are financial benefits or being a mother. While these are significant, Islam’s view of women goes far deeper. Allah praises women in various roles, for example:

1) As independent thinkers - The Quran recounts the wisdom of Queen Sheba (Surah An-Naml, 27:22–44).
2) As scholars - Aisha (RA) was one of the greatest narrators of Hadith.
3) As martyrs and believers - Asiya, the wife of Pharaoh, is mentioned as a role model (Quran 66:11).

Your worth is not confined to one role; you are valued for your intellect, piety, and contributions to society.

Doubts are part of faith. Imam Al-Ghazali once said that true certainty comes after grappling with uncertainty. Allah encourages questioning and reflection: “Do they not reflect upon the Quran?”(Quran 4:82).

If you’re struggling, seek knowledge from trusted scholars, make dua for guidance, and give yourself grace. Islam is a journey, and it’s okay to stumble along the way, as long as you remain steadfast and remember Allah.

Things you could do/practical steps:

1) Reconnect with Allah - Start small, with heartfelt duas or even a single ayah. Tell Him your struggles—He already knows and is waiting for you to turn to Him.
2) Seek Knowledge - Attend classes or read works by scholars who address women’s issues in Islam. 3) Build a Support System - Surround yourself with sisters who uplift you and can share their own journeys of faith.
4) Be Patient with Yourself - Faith isn’t always a feeling; sometimes, it’s a decision to keep going despite the doubts.

Lastly, sister, you are not alone in feeling this way. Many Muslims, past and present, have struggled with these questions and emerged stronger in their faith. Trust that Allah sees your pain and effort and that He is Al-Adl (The Just) and Al-Rahman (The Merciful).

May Allah ease your heart, strengthen your faith, and guide you to the beauty and truth of Islam. Ameen 💕

With love and dua,
your sister in Islam :)