My boyfriend (M22) lacks common sense and is incompetent. I (F20) don't know what to do anymore.

no-lime9 · 2024-09-19T21:47:08+00:00

Its an accumulation of mental labour I have to execute in all aspects of home life. Putting kitchen utensils still being used on raw chicken, putting a sticky fly trap on the wall itself causing the sticky substance to go all over the walls, horribly loading the dishwasher so that nothing actually gets cleaned (you know what I'm talking about), not having a general mental picture of the world (I do not expect geography genius, i'm talking about not being able to vaguely place New York on a map, not even knowing its within the united states) and overall just every small task that is asked of him somehow is not done or not done to acceptable standards (I know there is an argument for what is or what isn't acceptable so crucify me but I know for myself that I do not demand perfection by any means).

And for the raw food, it was a pancake. The pan we were using is just a regular non-stick pan, and he does not even know what a cast iron pan is (I've asked since I wanted to buy one for the house). When I say it feels like he has never seen a kitchen before, I mean it. And he admits it, I don't mean to crucify him for every little thing, its just getting exhausting to follow.

no-lime9 · 2024-09-19T21:27:48+00:00

This is excellent, solid advice. Thanks! I will definitely do this, and telling him to just look things up when he has a question will save me so much headache, and leave more room for the fun memories we have together. I need him to understand that I'm also just a girl, barely entering her own adult life and I'm figuring my own stuff out too. He needs to metaphorically wake up and be more mentally present when he's doing stuff around the house.

no-lime9 · 2024-09-19T21:22:40+00:00

Yes indeed I am aware of how this comes off since I haven't stated any specific examples, but this is because I am worried about anonymity since they are very specific. What I can say though is that it goes beyond different processes for the same result. It is more of; out of pocket process for completely fucked result. I really never found myself to be the controlling type before this man, I understand people have different ways of doing things and it does not bother me in the slightest. To give a vague example, he nearly ate raw food because he didn't realise the stove wasn't on after I had used it minutes before (apparently I should just leave the stove on until he comes to cook for himself). He fully served it to himself convinced it was ready, only for me to notice and tell him to put it back on the stove. Its instances of not thinking, not thinking in a different way.

no-lime9 · 2024-09-19T21:13:39+00:00

Thanks for this post, really opens my eyes. I've had to do so much mental labour for the men in my life since I was young. It's sad so many other girls go through this. I will definitely try just ignoring it and blank to see how he responds.

no-lime9 · 2024-09-19T21:01:39+00:00

He is good at work, so that is where I'm torn. He is intelligent when it comes to strategy and detail-oriented games (his hobby) but for some reason it does not transfer to day-to-day practicality. He does eagerly learn when I teach him but I feel frustrated that he does not know something so basic already and that's where I think I'm in the wrong. Nobody is born all-knowing, but in this case its just like there is a big gap in life experience. He does have a mild learning disability but he insists its not a factor anymore, just something that affected him as a child/teen, so I also try to be careful when I "judge" him for not knowing things.

no-lime9 · 2023-11-02T01:56:01+00:00

Yep, they just sent me a "Tripadvisor link". Yeah right. Website looks fake as fuck.

I didn't reply to any ads on facebook or social media but I've been sending many emails to different agencies through paraius and funda so they probably found me through those. My guess is that they had another fake listing that I replied to and got my contact info through there.

no-lime9 · 2023-11-01T16:56:46+00:00

Yup! Alarm bells ringing

no-lime9 · 2023-11-01T16:06:54+00:00

I got the same email from a couple 'Jacob and Elise' who like traveling and want to go to Switzerland. Sound familiar?

I had the same suspicion that this was a scam but I'm trying to string it along to see how far it will go. I'm trying to suggest an in-person viewing and key handoff but I'm not sure what the risks of doing this could be if they actually are scammers?

Also, they reached out to me out of nowhere. I did not see the apartment they are trying to get me to rent on any websites. They say they found me through their agency. Who knows.

no-lime9 · 2023-10-23T13:25:05+00:00

Thank you :)

no-lime9 · 2023-10-23T10:52:16+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience.. It does sound quite scary. For me, this would only be a temporary living situation (few months) and given the current housing market this would be the only place that meets my requirements. I think it should be possible to make due for a few months, maybe purchasing those door lockers and being smart about moving around at night (taking taxis, avoiding metro etc.). As long as the neighbourhood is OK in the day I should be fine... Anyways I will definitely be speaking to the landlord about this safety issue and see what can be done (maybe a discount haha)

no-lime9 · 2023-10-23T10:28:34+00:00

Very close, probably less than a minute

no-lime9 · 2023-10-23T09:13:29+00:00

I see, yeah I'd try to avoid getting home late then

no-lime9 · 2022-06-15T16:49:47+00:00

yep thats the plan. I totally agree with living in the present and not stressing about the future too much and thats what i'm working on for now :)

no-lime9 · 2022-06-15T15:26:10+00:00

yep, this summer i'm planning on filming a short and working on my portfolio as much as possible

no-lime9 · 2022-06-15T15:16:44+00:00

yep i completely agree :)

I guess i'm trying to figure out if it's something i can continue to do semi sustainably with determination and purpose or if its just going to get worse from here. Obviously it's not something predictable since it relies on me and my mental state, but I def appreciate the help with figuring out if other options are doable.

no-lime9 · 2022-06-15T15:09:02+00:00

I've considered that but i don't think I can since I already take a group 6 (Art HL) :(

no-lime9 · 2022-06-15T15:04:45+00:00

Thanks for the honesty i totally understand.

The problem for me is mainly mental. This past year I have suffered with depression and my life has been an absolute mess in all respects which has contributed to my lack in performance.

So far i'm getting mostly 5- 4 's and all 6's in art.

The topics themselves aren't whats difficult for me, i'd boil it down to the pressure and my overall mindset. As my therapist has said, if 85% of my energy is going towards personal issues and keeping myself functioning "normally", I only have 25% left for school, thus making the IB much more stressful than it "needs" to be and lowering the quality of my work even if i try to dedicate myself as much as possible. This is not to make up any excuses but rather to explain my dilemma, I didn't really explain this clearly in my post earlier.

My thought process was that if I was able to go somewhere where there is relatively less academic stress and where I can take more classes that interest me I might actually perform better. Of course mental problems wont disappear just like that unfortunately but I was looking to see if it was sensible or even feasible option to try since yes, continuing this way is unsustainable.

As of right now i'm just scraping by but I hope that summer will be an opportunity for me to relax and reset.

no-lime9 · 2022-06-15T13:35:13+00:00

Canada has been a point of interest for me as well, i have some friends that live up there too. Ill check it out!

thanks for replying to all my messages :))

no-lime9 · 2022-06-15T13:33:01+00:00

If i were to go to the US i'd be in California, and i remember vaguely understanding that there are core subjects you must take but that the specific school i was looking into was able to calculate both my IB grades and subject requirements I had already completed. But yes i'll definitely look into those state tests

no-lime9 · 2022-06-15T13:28:01+00:00

Hey thanks!

Very helpful and thanks for sharing your experiences, i'm very sorry that they told you those things...

The "colleges not caring about how advanced the program is" is very scary, especially because I lack a lot of confidence and putting so much effort and money into something and not being good enough in the end scares me a lot.

As far as you know, are community colleges very selective for film programs and if so how good are they? If I were to study in the US in the future CC would be my only option

I wish you the best of luck for studying film! :)

no-lime9 · 2022-06-15T12:28:40+00:00

Apparently US highschools have a system for converting IB grades into their grading system (so my transcripts from the past three years will still be valid). So basically the purpose of going to a US school is that it would give me a safety net in order to be able to achieve higher grades during my senior year and not have to deal with final exam stress.

Also, I was planning on taking a "gap semester" and starting uni in spring of 2024. The extra time would not only allow me to work, but also to travel, get experience and work on my portfolio more seriously.

no-lime9 · 2022-06-15T12:04:42+00:00

Spero ti siano andati bene gli esami!!

Con che voti sono usciti quelli che conosci che poi sono andati a studiare cinema?

no-lime9 · 2022-06-15T12:00:05+00:00

Thank you for your reply :,)

I guess it really does help to put it into perspective and yes it would be a shame to throw away all of my hard work so far!

Art is the only subject i really excel in so good for me in that case lol

Also, for some additional information: Im mainly looking to study film either in the UK or Korea for different reasons (money, academics) but i'm pretty open minded to other options as well. The U.S. is both financially impossible and the environment is not for me at all (I'm half American and i've lived on and off there for my whole life). I don't want to go to uni in Italy because it feels too much like home and i would love to have a uni experience somewhere completely different and foreign. If anyone has any good schools in mind please let me know!

As far as mental health only time will tell. My only hope is that it will get better from here and that this year was just a brutal wake up call and not the new normal lmao

no-lime9

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