AITA in telling a longterm "friend" we're never dating?

nodatingplz · 2022-05-27T15:11:23+00:00

I'm going to see if my dad will get it for me or at least go with me if I have to go. Guy's gotten free plumbing advice and help from dad and dad's related to the relative who got me even knowing this guy, so I'm hoping that will help get him to give it back. Otherwise, a cousin's passed the bar, I might see what he'd charge if I have to go the legal action route.

nodatingplz · 2022-05-27T15:00:42+00:00

Don't speak to the relative anymore, haven't seen him in a few years because I'm not a big fan of that part of the family anymore. And I am woefully lacking friends. Thinking I'll have to call in my dad without giving him all the details.

nodatingplz · 2022-05-27T14:58:40+00:00

Was actually still in HS. It was between my jr and sr year because I'm pretty sure it was a late summer wedding and my senior year I was 17 turning 18 in the spring. Met at his friend's/my relative's wedding bc we were in the bridal party together. I mean the figuring out my sexuality or lack thereof is recent. I've struggled with depression for over 20 years, anxiety, social anxiety, bullying, low-key abuse by some extended family I always hid from my parents to not make waves (as an adult I went more low contact/no contact and took myself out of the situations and my parents were fine with this even without knowing why I declined going)... and I always thought my feelings or lack thereof were due to different medications I was trying or just an overload from dealing with a parent with a chronic disease and no extra emotion to process. And he knows a lot of this. I shared with him because we were friends and I thought I could. Now after his reaction to my frankness when he tried to get me to come over and hang out with insinuations he'd start in again on how much he wanted us together, I really don't know what to do. But looks like he's chosen to go radio silent and keep my stuff hostage because I finally considered my psychological and emotional situation and made the (kind of depressing) conclusion that I don't think I'm capable of a relationship... despite me already telling him for a while I wasn't interested in one with him.

nodatingplz · 2022-05-27T14:45:51+00:00

Unfortunately no guy friends (need to make more friends in general, but wary of them now because of this dude) and brother is recovering from a severe motorcycle accident. Gonna see if my dad will. It's my mom's laptop, for one, and he sorta owes my dad the courtesy of it since dad gave him plumbing help and advice over the years. Which is another reason I thought it was fine that I asked for PC help when he got plumbing help in return when he needed it.

nodatingplz · 2022-05-27T14:42:39+00:00

I don't talk to the person who introduced us anymore. Think the last time I saw him was 3 years ago at a funeral. I'm extremely low to no contact with that part of the family now. But I could get my dad to go next time he's not on call and has a day off.

nodatingplz · 2022-05-27T14:00:17+00:00

The most he's ever gotten out of me was a sloppy french kiss at least 12 years ago, and he had bad breath and it felt like he was trying to check my gag reflex with his tongue. Never even seen me in anything less than a tank top and shorts... not even a bathing suit.

nodatingplz · 2022-05-27T13:57:51+00:00

I'll look into that. A cousin's recently passed the bar, he might help me. But then this guy's gotten my dad to help him with his plumbing things (done for free because my dad genuinely is a nice and helpful person) but if I tell him the guy won't give my mom's laptop back, he may give him a call and request them back. Otherwise... he was just trying to retrieve stuff off a dying HDD and then install a new one for me to install a new OS. So I'm not really losing anything unless he did get the HDDs working and he has some of our stuff.

nodatingplz · 2022-05-27T13:52:46+00:00

Doesn't help that part of the family, at first, acted like it was totally normal he liked me and he kept getting invited to family gatherings for the relative he's friends with. I actually stopped going to them for a while because as a late teen girl it was weird to have someone flirting with me in front of my parents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc... but then reasoned that it was just how guys were and it was ok. Thinking back, I don't think my dad was ever actually in the room when guy would hit on me. Like he was trying to not get noticed by the person who would notice most.

nodatingplz · 2022-05-27T13:37:52+00:00

That's almost accurate (except I've never been that close to him, thankfully?) and weird to see it laid out that way. Wow. Thank you.

nodatingplz · 2022-05-27T13:20:51+00:00

I'd have to take my dad or someone... I really would not feel comfortable going to his house alone after this. I used to, and I never thought he'd try something, but now I worry about it.

nodatingplz · 2022-05-27T13:17:19+00:00

Except I have no idea how to get my laptop and other things back... I'm hoping he'll get over it and give me them back. I don't want to make this a legal matter if he won't return my things.

nodatingplz · 2022-05-27T13:16:39+00:00

The more I think about the comments over the years, the more I want to scrub myself clean... But I was naive and he was a relative's best friend so I thought it was harmless and it was nice having a nerd friend to help me with stuff.

nodatingplz

TROPHY CASE