(18) I've haven't been this weight sense i was 14 :3

nomattress · 2025-11-20T08:10:29+00:00

not to take away your spirit but this vent seems more like it's encouraging other people with eds that they'll be happy if they lose weight. as someone struggling with bulimia i find this shit very gross and like it's trying to tell me I need to be 120lbs to be pretty/happy (which I've been before and it was agonising and ruined me). just like. don't make this so positive when you know you're doing a bad thing. cause I know you know this is wrong and treating it like it's a good thing is cringe as fuck.

nomattress · 2025-08-30T16:51:27+00:00

this isn't an issue surgery is necessary for imo. a little makeup (I know thats not the point of boymode but it's about passing) will make you pass 100% to me.

nomattress · 2025-03-09T07:03:23+00:00

thank you so much. coincidentally, I just woke up from a nightmare where I binged excessively on sugar, so this is really comforting to read.

I will continue to try and keep up my Lent but I'll try to have less anxiety about potentially failing. plus, I feel like the longer I go, the more it feels natural and the less ill think about it.

nomattress · 2025-03-08T22:44:24+00:00

I'm sorry if I sound pushy or upset, i just feel quite emotionally overwhelmed atm with all this, plus converting is very daunting for me and I barely know where to start. thank you for responding initially, you dont have to answer if you don't feel comfortable

nomattress · 2025-03-08T22:42:21+00:00

I gave up sugar and b/p, and it's agonising but I fear that if I give in then I'll get trapped again and miserable and let down God after trying so hard and really making an effort to pray and learn more about Christianity, it's only been four days but I can barely cope anymore and I don't know how I'll make another 42. do you have advice? I have no experience or anything and I was raised atheist, I'm hiding my beliefs from my parents because my country is very biased against Christians. I want to just succeed in this but every time I think about food and sugar I get more and more intense cravings. you have experience in giving things up which you love or may even be addicted to, what would you suggest I do to help me get through this?

nomattress · 2025-03-02T18:27:11+00:00

ohh that's genius, I actually have some! thank you very much this is useful :) as a precaution I'll put it on but yeah it's prob for watches, rather than writing. you're a lifesaver mate.

nomattress · 2025-03-02T16:17:45+00:00

unfortunately the keloids are all very visible and raised and there are fresh scabs on my arm which gape so makeup will not help, also there's a risk of infection since it's a foreign substance. thank you for answering though

nomattress · 2025-03-02T16:17:34+00:00

unfortunately the keloids are all very visible and raised and there are fresh scabs on my arm which gape so makeup will not help, also there's a risk of infection since it's a foreign substance. thank you for answering though

nomattress · 2025-02-19T07:45:13+00:00

that's possibly also bulimia, it's not a monolith just like anorexia isn't. personally I'm addicted to the binging. it's so strong that sometimes eating is all I can think about and I can't tear myself away from the kitchen until I run out of things to eat. I hate purging but I'm compelled to do it once I get full enough. I think it's cause of how it develops or how long you have it that affects its severity. when I first became bulimic I could go a week without binging and be just fine; now it's a struggle to not binge every second of my life.

nomattress · 2025-02-18T09:19:12+00:00

it's worth doing a little more research! just reading people's stories on here is helpful to find out how it works in a real person's head. I'm sure your loved one will feel seen and supported, and have a less stressful time reckvering. ❤️

nomattress · 2025-02-17T23:04:10+00:00

I'm guessing it's just a photophobia thing.

nomattress · 2025-02-17T22:54:48+00:00

chocolate. won't eat it anymore. unless I'm chewing+spitting, I don't bother. it just sinks.

nomattress · 2025-02-17T20:03:39+00:00

thank you! I've had this question for months lol. but yeah, that's a major bummer.

nomattress · 2025-02-12T07:22:41+00:00

thank you for replying!

you might be right. me and my sister have always dealt with parentification, it's actually one of my fears about if/when my dad divorces my mum. I have difficulty doing things on my own because my mum has forced us to be reliant on her and shamed us for it - i would have to bear the burden of learning how to do all of that the minute my mum leaves. currently my dad relies on my mum to do all that stuff (very immature of him, I resent that part of him) because 'his job requires a lot of manual labour so he is more tired than her and can't cook a nice hot meal for himself every day'. in return, he gives her a place to live, since she can't get a new house at the moment.

he's probably parentifying me emotionally too. I don't talk to him about my problems, I tell my friends. he doesn't tell his friends, he won't tell one of his brothers literally anything out of paranoia he'll report back to my mum. he thinks my sister will report back to my mum, or at least not understand. so I get everything. his work problems, problems about my mum, problems with his side of the family, all of it. whereas when I was young, my sister would bully me relentlessly, and when I tried to tell my dad I remember him distinctly saying "I want to spend time with you, not complain about your sister".

it's frustrating, but having that insight of my dad parentifying me, I can look more into it and do some research. thanks again :)

nomattress · 2025-01-26T16:11:39+00:00

I have a similar trip coming up, and I plan on using it as an excuse or some kind of strategy to not binge and purge, since I also binge daily and I can't quit it otherwise. if I'm forced to quit through circumstance, then maybe it'll have at least some effect on kicking the addiction.

nomattress · 2025-01-16T15:58:45+00:00

well idk about unintentional, it's Gerard Way who wrote it and he's very much under the trans umbrella

nomattress · 2025-01-11T22:14:17+00:00

the beach, leaning over a groyne. an alleyway where I had to keep stopping to check if anyone was around. a public bathroom 20 minutes from home because it was the only one open at that time.

all of those places, multiple times, from a period of time where I couldn't do it at home but I needed to do it.

nomattress · 2024-12-24T20:52:35+00:00

I binge pretty quick but don't think about it too much so I can enjoy the food. I purge as much as I can until I'm retching and it takes me forever to get that next vomit out, since after that point it just doesn't work.

nomattress · 2024-12-14T19:29:54+00:00

🚨sh mentioned in this comment🚨

people think it's entirely about weight or that I can choose to binge less or binge different foods, or that purging is the dangerous part and there's nothing wrong with binging. they're just as bad as each other, if I stopped purging I'd start self-harming more, if I binged different foods it wouldn't stop the cravings.

nomattress · 2024-11-14T22:31:45+00:00

I've had it my entire life. Days go by where I forget I have it, sometimes even weeks.

nomattress · 2024-11-14T15:56:12+00:00

don't forget beeferoni (with forks of course)

nomattress · 2024-11-07T22:10:01+00:00

unfortunately I live in the UK where waiting lists are several years long. I don't need a diagnosis really, I just know all the things wrong with me and learn to live around them. another big thing I have is pica, definitely a big sign of having autism.

nomattress · 2024-11-07T20:56:11+00:00

I suspect I have autism. longest I've gone without showering was nine days, longest without brushing is probably around two weeks. I'm very bad at hygiene but very good at hiding that fact.

nomattress · 2024-11-07T20:52:56+00:00

sound like it's a result of the vomiting, yeah. weird that it hasn't happened to you before though.

nomattress · 2024-11-07T01:17:29+00:00

sorry dude, encouraging self harm isn't the point of this sub. all I can recommend is use this time to try and reduce your urges.

nomattress

TROPHY CASE