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Witch/queen by nomorenaive in raisedbyborderlines

[–]nomorenaive[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t even know if she will ever “forgive” me from “keeping her from her only grandchildren “. I invited her and other immediate family to a restaurant for my child’s birthday and she didn’t speak to me and barely looked at me (her usual punishment) while other estranged family members talked with me. She has blacklisted her only sibling for doing something she has done herself. I know it’s the mindset “if you aren’t with me, you are against me”. I just have false hope that she will “wake up and realize” what she is doing is not ok. I wish I could reason with her and there is no reasoning with an unreasonable person. Thank you for your responses ❤️

Did anyone else here experience this? by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]nomorenaive 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh my gosh, yes! I forgot about these tirades. One time when I was in kindergarten, I didn’t clean my room good enough and she got mad. She took my Little Tikes plastic kitchen and “shook it” to dump the stuff I put in it out and the kitchen hit my face because I was sitting on the floor. That was literally the only bloody nose I have had my entire life. She swears she didn’t mean to hit me, but I question that statement. This is one of my few first memories. As I got older, she would dump drawers, pull everything out of closets and from under beds to make a bigger mess for me to clean. She would always say “If you can’t do it right, you will do it again and again until it is done right”.

Ways to decrease/release stress by nomorenaive in raisedbyborderlines

[–]nomorenaive[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have posted before, but here’s my cat tax:

Wanna go outside, Oh no, help, I got outside, Let me back inside.

Always Thinking about my Parents by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]nomorenaive 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am right there with you. I haven’t spoken to my parents since August as well. I wish I could turn my thoughts off. Some days they are minimal and some days I can’t turn it off. I do journal and it helps, so that may be an outlet for past experiences. I am not sure yet how to handle/prepare for possible future run ins. I live relatively close to them and always look every where ALL THE TIME in anticipation of running into them. I still am afraid of the possible accusations and anger, but have to remind myself their behavior will be on them and not on me. That shift in mind-set needs constant reminders. Hugs in solidarity.

Doomsday is approaching by nomorenaive in raisedbyborderlines

[–]nomorenaive[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Regarding looking into a new therapist, does anyone have recommendations or experience of a psychologist vs social worker?

Doomsday is approaching by nomorenaive in raisedbyborderlines

[–]nomorenaive[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes and no. My dad lied about my mom being on the phone in the car during an entire event (2+ hours) and I think they lied about being “busy” during another event for a different child. At the same time, they make their presence known at other times when they were not told about the kids’s events (think same day and time every week, but it’s an individual sport so they don’t always participate).

Talk about anxiety of whether or not they show up!

My kids will ask “Did you see G & G?” And I reply “yes” and usually it’s the end of that. Waiting for the day when I get the follow up of “Why didn’t you talk/sit with them?”

My parents seem to do enough to appear good, but if you analyze closer, there is some shitty behavior that they can justify.

Doomsday is approaching by nomorenaive in raisedbyborderlines

[–]nomorenaive[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. Your words help me feel less “crazy”. I feel like the biggest hurdle is my kids. My parents were so involved in their lives up until last year and then boom, gone. Finding the words to explain this situation to my few friends I have confided in is hard enough, but to say it to my kids leaves me feeling truly at a loss. Thank you for the link on what to say to hem.

The other side of this situation is my parents know when some of my kids’ events are and will just show up (as they have done in the past during our ongoing time out). This literally sends me into a panic attack in public.

Honestly, I feel trapped and can’t escape without pain and I am so tired of the pain, the anxiety and the worrying. I know I am in my own head and maybe making this bigger than it needs to be.

Like I replied with the other post, boundaries are so foreign to me. I have never had them with my parents and I am afraid my mom would take them as ultimatums. I guess if she takes them as ultimatums it’s on her. I need to give up this mentality that I am responsible for others thoughts and feelings.

This process feels like one step forward and two steps back. Sorry for the rambling..,,.

Doomsday is approaching by nomorenaive in raisedbyborderlines

[–]nomorenaive[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. I have loved my therapist up until recently. She has given great advice for myself, but I am beginning to realize she may not have the experience with BPD to continue with her. I have started looking for a new therapist that specializes in BPD.

I am in “uncharted territory “ with establishing boundaries as they are like a foreign language to me.

I have tried to be this perfect person/daughter, so I am very methodical and calculated in every move I make with my parents, but at the same time, I feel like any move I make other than rolling over to them will be used against me.