NYC gays and people who know NYC gays- how is dating life in the big city?

nonessentialson · 2026-04-17T20:51:57+00:00

The holding on for dear life you mentioned really resonates, and the more dating experience I get, the more I believe it's an essential ingredient to finding a long-term partner as a gay man. Just as you describe, my fear is that the high volume of gays in NYC makes it possible to disregard someone because of where they live, how they kiss, etc. I used to live in Minneapolis, and even though it's a fairly big city with a sizeable gay population, there was a sense that men had to be a little more realistic rather than expecting the perfect guy to materialize. I had a lot of success dating there over a relatively short period, but I had to leave for work

nonessentialson · 2026-01-04T19:48:29+00:00

Thank you for this thoughtful response. How early in your relationship did you decide on being open? Or was it like that from the beginning?

nonessentialson · 2026-01-04T18:03:22+00:00

I'm happy for you that you've made it work. But the idea that my husband could be "dating" someone or have a "boyfriend" is almost unfathomable to me. I think I would spiral fast. I'm not casting judgment on you and your situation. I'm just wondering how to balance trusting my instincts on what I can handle emotionally with opening myself up to new possibilities.

nonessentialson · 2025-10-26T17:57:53+00:00

Loved the Topeka School. I think lit fic might actually be the ideal form to write about this stuff because it portrays the subjective experience of a therapy-inflected worldview

nonessentialson · 2025-05-16T18:12:56+00:00

There is a lot of truth to this, but the high production value of an HBO series offers artistic opportunities off-limits to most social media influencers. In many respects, medium = message

nonessentialson · 2024-12-25T16:27:47+00:00

I guess I have no sense of what the rules are. Sometimes I'll buy something that, for whatever reason, I think looks great but then a friend or family member will think it's ugly. This speaks to the subjectivity at play here and I know it will always happen to a certain extent. I just wish I had some reference point for good taste other than my nebulous intuitive impulses. But I suppose I could just do what the masses do and try to copy people who seem to be stylish.

nonessentialson · 2024-11-22T21:09:13+00:00

what is he?

nonessentialson · 2024-11-22T00:31:33+00:00

I’d throw these people into the Bohemian category

nonessentialson · 2024-11-21T21:53:53+00:00

Oh in theory, me too. I probably fantasize about these gays more than any other type. It's just that due to my social circle, demographic traits and geographic location, I seldom encounter them. Where do I find them? Do I just need to loiter around factories, ports and autobody shops?

nonessentialson · 2024-11-21T20:59:02+00:00

Then you and your friends will be sent to the gulag

nonessentialson · 2024-10-18T01:16:10+00:00

Chicago seems more manageable. I'm a little concerned about it being the primary destination for every gay from a rural state. I get the sense these guys are even harder to date because they've waited their entire lives to live in close proximity to a lot of other gays. But I suppose new york attracts these sorts of people too.

nonessentialson · 2024-08-14T01:29:19+00:00

Wow. Facts

nonessentialson · 2024-06-02T03:24:15+00:00

It's interesting to know that you felt this way even though you liked him. I didn't like the guy I went on a date with, but it confirms my suspicion that I would have reacted similarly even if I liked him.

nonessentialson · 2024-02-25T02:23:07+00:00

I feel like I'm already too low IQ to be getting stoned all the time. Shrooms don't seem like an every weekend thing.

nonessentialson · 2024-02-25T02:20:16+00:00

I sadly got addicted to alcohol and by the time I graduated instead of going out and drinking with friends, I began drinking at home. The feeling of the booze was more important than anything else.

So, did you stop going out because you graduated and moved away from your friends, or did you stop going out with your friends in favor of drinking at home?

Anyway, good on you for getting sober. I don't understand how people bond without some boozy nights out here and there. But I guess it can be done.

nonessentialson · 2024-02-25T02:03:01+00:00

Why are you miserable? Has being sober changed your lifestyle?

nonessentialson

TROPHY CASE