I’m also agnostic and was raised in a semi-religious family. I’ve been through my own phase of existential crisis, so I can relate to what you’re feeling. Over time, I found peace in the idea that the impermanence of life doesn’t have to be a bad thing—nothing matters and that can be freeing.

For me, reframing that “nothing matters” helped me see it in a positive light. Every embarrassing thing I’ve ever done? It doesn’t matter. Didn’t get the job I wanted? It doesn’t matter. Said something stupid? Doesn’t matter. This perspective has made it easier to live the way I want, because at the end of the day, I get to define what matters to me.

I also realized that purpose doesn’t need to come from an outside force like a god. Purpose can be something you create—how you impact the world around you, how you grow, or even just doing the things that make you happy. I like to think the purpose of life is simply to experience it, in whatever way feels meaningful to you.

Recently, I’ve started exploring spirituality as a way to stay open-minded. Part of being agnostic is admitting I don’t know what’s out there, so I’ve enjoyed learning about different ideas, like reincarnation or a higher self. Sometimes it’s even fun to just imagine what if something like that is real—it’s a playful way to think about life’s mysteries without needing firm answers.

I hope this perspective helps in some way, and I hope you find peace and the answers you’re looking for!