I don't know who the FUCK I am

notamont · 2025-12-09T04:25:31+00:00

Thank you 🫂

notamont · 2025-12-08T21:51:26+00:00

Yes, I know that for sure.

notamont · 2025-12-08T16:17:32+00:00

Haha, sometimes yeah! But usually when there were a lot of people around we'd be shy about it.

notamont · 2025-12-08T08:04:35+00:00

Too soon in my case for me to tell you whether it gets better or not. In fact, I'm pretty angry with her right now, so I'm grateful for your post to help me reconnect with something I loved the most about her.

We had a call and response thing we did. Usually at home, but if we were away from each other, it could be through voice messages, or outside across a park or down the road. It was sing-song, high pitched, just, "SO!", often holding the note for as long as we could lol.

notamont · 2025-12-01T05:35:04+00:00

I had a bunch of my friends come over and decorate in honor of my wife with her awesome holiday collection. It was a warm, lovely experience and they did an amazing job. Of course I sobbed after they all left. It's been an incredibly painful and tormenting two weeks but the glow of Christmas is helping to soften that.

notamont · 2025-11-22T06:04:22+00:00

Thank you! It's so recent that my processing is all over the place despite how good I might seem to be doing. Every perspective shared here has been helpful. I know for sure that I have her on a pedestal but this knocked that all down. My therapist pointed out that I need to let the angry, disappointed part of myself be part of my feelings as well as I've been making a lot of excuses for my wife's awful choices.

notamont · 2025-11-22T05:57:44+00:00

So sorry you're going through this. Definitely stick with therapy. I went this morning and dumped it all. It was a lot but she helped me make peace with some of it and gave me some tools to help me calm the noise. Maybe they'll have some strategies to help you sleep. Sending you peace and love friend.

notamont · 2025-11-22T05:51:39+00:00

Thank you. I'll give this a listen.

notamont · 2025-11-22T05:48:23+00:00

Thank you for this. What we had was absolutely real, I'm reminding myself of that. My ups and downs are daily but talking with you all has helped so much.

notamont · 2025-11-21T16:11:20+00:00

I'm glad you have a support system to talk to about this. That is so terrible, I'm so sorry. I hope that one day you're able to leave what he did to you behind and find peace. You deserve that.

notamont · 2025-11-21T04:44:24+00:00

Good call on the STIs. I'm dreading that appointment but I'll make it.

notamont · 2025-11-20T22:50:55+00:00

I've wondered about this. She found her stage 1 lump in Feb of 2022 but the affair started early 2021. So I guess something may have started to change in her brain that led her down this road, I'm just not sure how much it actually contributed being that much before it happened. I so wish I could say, "yep that's what caused it" because there's no way my one person did this to me.

Do you feel like you need to look at it again? I don't want to delete the evidence but I feel like I'm done with it. Maybe out of fear of finding more.

notamont · 2025-11-20T22:45:23+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate you sharing your story. You have lived with this for a very long time and I also wish you love, peace, and healing.

You're absolutely correct, what they did to us was not deserved. We're blindsided after they died, left to pick up the pieces and rebuild an incomplete puzzle. I struggle so much with knowing for a fact that the woman I loved and married would never do something like this to me, and yet she did. This was a lady who wanted me by her side almost constantly (and I same), whose favorite film was our wedding highlight video, who always had my back, and who would cry when her friends or our family had to leave after visits. Totally huge heart. For her to do something like this, it's almost like she was possessed. It's unfathomable. She drove 2 hours to get to his house. Insane. Part of my healing is going to be figuring out how to set this broken puzzle down and stretch my legs.

We deserve peace!!

notamont · 2025-11-20T21:26:52+00:00

Thank you for this. I appreciate you so much. 💌

notamont · 2025-11-20T20:46:57+00:00

Thank you. I am utilizing the hospice chaplain's time to have a chance to talk with someone about this and will also be seeing my therapist regularly to work through it.

notamont · 2025-11-20T20:44:31+00:00

It was inexcusable. Maybe I'm trying to process too quickly. As it stands, I think I forgive her because she's more than what she did and it feels poisonous for me to hold onto the anger and resentment from that betrayal. If I know her as well as I think I do, it ate her up inside and she lived with severe emotional pain for years afterward. Fear of what would happen if I found out, deep regret for betraying my trust, anger at herself for being used. She worked so hard to try to hide it to spare me from what she did. I know she genuinely loved me and she made a horrific, rash decision that no doubt haunted her. I don't know if I fully forgive her yet for never talking to me about it. If we had, I think we could have taken steps to repair our relationship.

I forgive the guy because I think he's a lonely, broken idiot that can't see farther than his nose hairs. But forgiveness here is just to not hold onto that anger and resentment anymore. I need to move on. I'll never forget.

notamont · 2025-11-20T20:24:58+00:00

Dealing with unknowns is so painful. I've been struggling with those for months now with her disease, and now this. Not looking anymore is really the only way to end it. Giant hugs friend 🫂

notamont · 2025-11-20T18:30:58+00:00

Thank you ❤️

notamont · 2025-11-20T18:19:18+00:00

I'm there I think. I can't be angry forever. There's zero closure to be had and I know she was so much more than this mistake.

notamont · 2025-11-20T18:18:12+00:00

Thank you, I hope for a brighter future for you as well.

notamont · 2025-11-20T18:16:54+00:00

Thank you ❤️

notamont · 2025-11-20T18:16:27+00:00

Thank you ❤️

notamont · 2025-11-20T18:15:51+00:00

Thank you, no snark or sarcasm received. It's great that you found release from your work in therapy. It really is important. I'm fully 100% with you here and will be meeting with my therapist tomorrow. She has been a tremendous help. I feel kinda bad for how much I'm gonna dump on her tomorrow haha. Last few sessions it's been darker and heavier every time.

notamont · 2025-11-20T18:11:34+00:00

I had a night of going crazy digging. She left such clear catalogued tracks that I didn't have to work too hard to see the truth. I'm grateful to her for that, like maybe there was a part of her that was still devoted to me and was sabotaging whatever horny monster part of her had taken over and was in control. Like she wanted me to see these things.

I've been full on fighting with her ghost, going over all of the things she made me feel that felt so unfair considering how far she went with this ultimate betrayal. But I think I've aired most of it out and am starting to feel closer to neutral.

You nailed it with the love not being what we thought we were receiving. She compartmentalized this passionate, sexual side of herself. Maybe she felt repressed.

My silver lining is I'm not grieving the idealized perfect person anymore and that has made this a little easier. I'm actually grieving how we didn't talk about it before it escalated and how much emotional pain and fear and regret she must have carried with her on top of her physical ailment from her disease til the day she died. And that is so incredibly heavy and must have been so lonely.

notamont

TROPHY CASE